


Taboo

by Iszabeau_N



Category: Original Work
Genre: Barebacking, Bed-Wetting, Betrayal, Bets & Wagers, Bisexual Male Character, Cock Slapping, Coming Out, Consensual Underage Sex, Contributing To A Minor, Counseling, Covering Your Ass, Dark Motives, Disturbing Themes, Drama, Drinking to Cope, Drug Dealing, Drugged Sex, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Face Slapping, Family Issues, Fear, Fear of Discovery, First Love, First Time, Forbidden Love, Forced Ejaculation, Gay Male Character, Guilt, Heroin, I Don't See Myself As Different, Infidelity, Invasion of Privacy, Jealousy, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Trust, Love/Hate, M/M, Manipulation, Marijuana, Mention Of Skyrim Elder Scrolls V Game, Mutual Masturbation, Night Terrors, Non-Consensual Filming, Older Man/Younger Man, Opium, Opportunist, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostate Massage, Revenge Sex, Running Away, Sarcasm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Assault, Suicide Attempt, Suspense, Threats, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unwanted Advances, Using Your Position Of Power, We've Never Even Been To Church!, first time masturbating, gay porn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2018-10-28 09:24:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10828410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iszabeau_N/pseuds/Iszabeau_N
Summary: I didn't know where my mother was, but I figured if he was this close to me, alone with me... she had to be somewhere else, or this wouldn't have been happening. We just stared at each other. He actually raised a hand to my face and tucked my hair over my ear where it had fallen again.The way we looked at each other, our eyes heavy between the wine and lust. Anyone that saw us... together at that moment, would have known. It was obvious what was going on.





	1. If You Could Go Back

**Author's Note:**

> 10/23/18 - Just posted a chapter today, the next coming, hopefully, at the end of the coming week.
> 
> I am finished with the editing for now. Am also working on Haikyuu and my Skyrim fics as well. Also, another thing that's taking up some of my time is that I am working with another writer on Archive for their story.
> 
> First I will say, this involves some real sensitive issues, as do most of my fics. Because of this, it may not be for everyone. While I write about these things, that doesn't mean I agree entirely with all of them. I do however believe that everyone should have the right to love whomever they choose. Freely!  
> Not writing for the Kudos. Of course, I always love it when someone likes my writing. But again, my themes aren't always for everyone. This story deals with the discovery of one's sexuality & orientation, forbidden desire and love for someone that would be looked at as taboo. Not only by the one experiencing it, but everyone else as well.
> 
> **Basically see the tags.**
> 
> **It is being written in first person perspective, (as if) told by the party that lived these events, past tense, but being revisited. **Originally published in 9/2015, I had taken this story off the site, but now plan to revise, re-edit and re-post the way I originally intended it to be. So anyone that had read it before and was a fan, you may see some differences here and there. Differences in age, mostly.
> 
> One last warning! A lot of emotional and disturbing stuff will be taking place that involves a young teen. Although a lot of it is with his consent, he is being manipulated by older men for their own motives & purposes. If you can't handle this... don't read.
> 
> I also know this still needs some work on the editing, mostly punctuation, but again English was not my primary growing up. Please try to bear with me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I shook my head no, staring at him. That dreaded heat, creeping up my throat and into my face. I was swiftly losing the battle. And then the tears came. As if I hadn't cried enough.
> 
> "You know, I can't help you if you're not honest with me."
> 
> My vision swam in and out as hot, salt water poured down my face. Throwing my useless hands up, draping them over my head, attempting to hide behind them. I wailed out! _"HOW?! HOW CAN YOU HELP ME!!?"_

**ta·boo**  
təˈbo͞o,taˈbo͞o  
noun  
1\. a social or religious custom prohibiting or forbidding discussion of a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing.  
adjective  
1\. prohibited or restricted by social custom.

**(INTRO)**

"I really feel the need to ask you one more time, Edmond."

I knew what was coming. As soon as I woke up, this was the second question they had asked me. The first being, _'Do you know where you are, Edmond?'_

I struggled to take a breath. Just thinking about it, just opening my mouth to answer him was taking more effort than I could bear. My eyes combed over my hospital attire. At least they'd finally given me something more comfortable than that stupid backless gown that I'd been wearing.

"Edmond, I need you to look at me."

The horrible agony of reality flooded through me as I forced my eyes to meet his. I used to feel panic at this question. Now it was just despair... finality.

Sitting forward in his chair, his arms resting on the desk, on his notes. His hands grasped his pen.

"Do you know who left you here? Who dropped you off?"

I shook my head no, staring at him. That dreaded heat, creeping up my throat and into my face. I was swiftly losing the battle. And then the tears came. As if I hadn't cried enough.

"You know, I can't help you if you're not honest with me."

My vision swam in and out as hot, salt water poured down my face. Throwing my useless hands up, draping them over my head, attempting to hide behind them. I wailed out! _"HOW?! HOW CAN YOU HELP ME!!?"_

Hearing his chair as it was pushed out. Hearing his footsteps cross the carpeted floor, I finally felt his weight shift the couch as he sat down beside me. His arm come up around my shoulders.

Turning, I leaned against him, dropping my arms as my face pushed into his chest. How he could understand the garble that flowed from my mouth, I'll never know.

My voice spiraled to uncontrollable heights, cracking and wavering as I sobbed. "Can you... can you make him love me? Can you make him give a shit!?" Sucking in a deep breath, I cried out against him! "Can you bring him back!?"

I swallowed, pushing my face harder against him as my body quaked. My voice went down to a whisper. "Can you turn back time... and... and... "

As soon as it came out of my mouth I regretted it.

The hand that softly stroked over my back came to a halt. His other hand slowly came between my face and his soaked shirt, grasping my chin, he gently but firmly raised my face, so that I had no other choice but to look into his eyes. "If I could do that, would you really want me too? Would you undo everything, Edmond?"

I couldn't comprehend that. I couldn't comprehend not loving him. Not feeling what he had made me feel. Even all the pain.

I also recognized what was written all over my Doctor's face. Sadness. Sadness and realization.

He knew.

Looking right into my eyes, he asked me the question that I, myself, still cannot answer even to this day.

"Or would you go right back and do the very same thing? Go through all of it all over again?"

**

**Mother's Dating**

My father was American and my mother, French. He was an executive for a corporation, that I won't name, that required him to fly abroad and conduct business. He met my mother in Rouen France. From my mother's tellings, they met at an Art gallery. Love at first sight, and all that.

He stayed for a couple of weeks and flew back to New York. They kept in touch and every six months or so, when he would fly back, they would hook up. Eventually, they got married and moved to New York. The wedding was in France, my mother's family wouldn't have it any other way. I was born in New York, well... a suburb.

We lived there, flying abroad to see family as often as possible. At the age of ten, my father suffered a massive a heart attack and passed away in the emergency room. He was a workaholic. Although it was somewhat stressful, I won't lie. We weren't close.

I, as he always said, am a Momma's boy... or was a Momma's boy. And it was a source of constant tension in our home. They fought over everything that had to do with me, from what my mother had told me and from what I can remember, ever since I was born. From my name, Edmond. He wanted a more American name, something more virile. Down to my hair, which she refused to cut. There were multiple fights over that.

Many of the men in France keep longer hair. It's not looked at scornfully, the way it was at the time in the States. Especially among male children. After constant bullying from his relative's kids anytime they were over, I began retreating to my room and my computer. I also thanked the powers that be daily that I was home schooled, and for electronics. Immediately after settling his estate, we moved back to France.

My mother had an inheritance, and a home there that had been left to her by my late grandparents. As soon as we got back, I felt less awkward, especially about the way I looked. Now, nothing against the States, I'm actually living here now with my current partner. Not in New York mind you. But I was raised French. I never really felt like I fit in.

A lot of that I think, was my father's doing. He wanted me to play sports, I couldn't care less. I was, and still am, thin in the extreme. I never had the build or desire to do anything outdoorsy, or rough. I wore glasses, of course after I got older I traded those for contacts. And I'm a bit of a computer freak, gamer, what have you. Nerd??

Everything about me seemed to piss him off. I was a disgrace to his illustrious family name, and all of his football loving family members. Nothing against football either, but it's not for all of us. Which by the way, don't even bother to keep in touch.

The way I remembered it, my mother and I were both outsiders. I think the relationship was based more on physical attraction at first. They weren't around each other long enough to really get to know one another. Then by the time they realized they weren't compatible, it was too late. I don't know, we just never fit in. He wasn't happy, and I believe he shared it with everyone in his family. Moving on.

**

About three years or so went by, I continued homeschooling and pretty much lived on my computer. After frequenting the corner Bistro, with my laptop of course, I made some local friends. Mostly like me. A little anti-social. Well, a lot anti-social. I seem to like things that aren't the norm for a lot of others. A lot of others that are either too afraid to admit to liking it for fear of social scorn, or are simply just part of the sheeple and are oblivious. 

The way my mother described it, or saw it, was like this. She would say that I was eccentric. Just a little. To me, I was normal.

Now most teens, at least not me, don't seem to think about the fact that their single or widowed parent, hasn't been or isn't dating. That was the farthest thing from my mind. My mom was active, and still fairly young. I guess. Also, age, especially of parents, is definitely different when you're a teen. She was thirty eight, to me that seemed kind of old. Now that I'm turning twenty one and my partner is turning thirty six, it doesn't seem so old.

And my mother was pretty, at least I always thought so anyway. I kind of thought life was cruising along at a good pace. I was content and I thought she was too. Evidently not. 

She'd gone out to an art show the night before with my aunt and some friends. Nothing out of the norm. I stayed at home, nuked some food and sat at the computer. The next morning, sitting in the sun room, she tells me she's going on a date Friday night.

At first I think, okay, no big deal. I'll admit, I was a tiny bit nerved up by it, but so far nothing I can't handle. It really hadn't sank in yet. I shrugged a little and said, 'Okay...' 

I know she watched me for a good few minutes, waiting to see what kind of response she would get. I honestly couldn't freak out about it. I mean, it was one date after almost four years. What could happen? Right?

Wrong. I didn't think about it at all. It left my mind completely. Until I walked out of my room to get something to drink on Friday night. I walked down the hall past the parlor, toward the kitchen. My stocking feet, skidding to a stop on the wood floor. I remember this! I actually slid to a stop, realizing someone, a man, was sitting on the sofa.

I walked back to the doorway of the parlor and stopped, staring at him. Sitting back, he had one arm over the back of it and one hand in his lap. One leg resting atop the knee of his other.

Now, _now_ I can say, that he was hot! He was fucking gorgeous! But right then, at that moment and at that time in my life, I was in emotional turmoil. I was confused. My mother letting another man, not just into her life, but into mine as well, had just become a reality! And that reality slapped me in the face. Hard.

I just stood there looking at him. My mother wasn't in the room. She was, I think in the bathroom or her room... some where else. He had dark brown hair, cut short. Not military, but... has anyone seen Adam Lambert's hair on his new album? Kind of like that, except not so long on top. Brown eyes, and just enough growth on his beard to be sexy as hell. Full lips. Anyway, right then, I wasn't thinking hot. But he was hot. 

I even think I finally realized my mouth was hanging open and shut it. He got up and crossed the room, coming right up to me and stopped. He was smiling. I still didn't speak. I just looked up at him and he looked down at me. I wasn't blessed with my father's build or his height. Fully grown now, I'm only around 5'10.

Extending his hand out to me, he spoke. "Hi... I'm Luc." 

Now, he was French, we spoke French. The only time we didn't, was when we were either spoken to in English or we were around people speaking in English. Just for propriety's sake. But I'm writing this in English, just so you know.

Right then, my Mother came out from wherever and saved me. She spoke up and actually introduced me to him. "Luc, this is my son Edmond..." Moving my eyes back and forth from him to her, almost robotically, I moved my hand up to meet his. He actually held my hand for a moment, looking down at me.

Now to describe me a little more. My father was a redhead and my mother had dark brown hair. I have a kind of warm, chestnut colored hair. Basically, just enough red to show up in the sun and hazel eyes. My hair is long. At that time it was just past my shoulder blades. Almost mid-back. Right then it was down. I usually didn't tie it back unless I left the house.

I was still in shock. Later I would realize, just how stupid I probably appeared to him. After what seemed like forever, he let go of my hand and told me that it was nice to meet me. Without a single word, I turned, walked back into my room, and closed the door. I wasn't trying to be rude, but like I said, I was in shock. And I was. I leaned back against the door, straining to listen to them over the pounding of my heart.

As soon as I heard him speak, I turned and hugged the door! Listening to his deep voice as he sputtered, talking to her, wondering if he'd done something wrong. Something to upset me. And she was making excuses for me. See, my mother understood me. She knew I was freaked out.

I stood there at my door, waiting till they left. As soon as the front door shut, I went into the pantry and got a bottle of wine. Now, we drank wine every evening with dinner. I know what the age is here in the states, but this is France. I was raised drinking wine. Another one of my father's gripes. She even allowed me liquor in my coffee at times. I know, Cool Mom! But I wasn't supposed to indulge without her supervision. That was was not alright, and had she known, I would've been busted. Right then, I didn't care.

I didn't drink enough to get drunk, just enough to calm myself down. I went back into my room, glass of wine in hand and sat on my bed. I was so conflicted. Not only because she was with _him._ It was the fact that this was going to change everything.


	2. Alone With My Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because now, not only was I afraid that I was going to lose her and the close relationship that we had. But I would have to allow someone else into my existence. I had to be social.  
> Anyone who has ever had to allow a parent's potential mate or partner into their world... it feels like an invasion.
> 
> It is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, he's 13 about to turn 14.

**

I remember sitting on my bed for a good long while.

Now, I had been prone to panic attacks before. Not so much since my father had passed, but when he was alive, I had them quite often. Because I was his target. My mother would stand between him and me. He had never hit her that I knew of, and he had only struck me once, but his words were just as damaging, to us both. Numerous times, she had threatened to take me and go back to France.

Right then, I think the only thing that kept me from having a full blown attack, was the fact that I had grabbed the wine as soon as I did.

My chest was tight, I felt like I couldn't get enough air, and I was going to cry. I am a crier. I especially cry when I'm angry. My partner isn't that way, but a few of our female friends are. That's me, all of my emotions are hard wired to my tear ducts. It's also a little embarrassing. But I was alone at the moment, so I cried.

Now, it's easier to look back on something and be able to explain and see the reasoning behind it. But when you're right in the middle of it, going through the throes of chaos, it can be hard to see exactly why you're feeling the way that you are. Or see the path that you should take, per say. I couldn't have wrote about this then. Hell, right then... I didn't know which way to turn!

I was afraid, I was terrified. My father had been a bully, and my mother was my best friend. She didn't involve me in her personal problems the way some parents do with their kids. I've been told a lot by friends, how their parents downloading their problems onto them, just added to the shit that they were already dealing with. That's wrong. Of course, parents are people too. How often we, as children forget that, or don't even see that. And sometimes people get lost.

Like I said, I thought we were happy. And I was a teenager, I was kind of oblivious to all but my life and what I felt and thought. She kept me from her pain and loneliness. But, we were best friends. She treated me like her son, but she treated me like an adult. With respect. I could open up to her about everything.

Until now.

Because now, I was not only afraid that I was going to lose her, and the close relationship we had. But I would have to allow someone else into my existence. I had to be social. Anyone who has ever had to allow a parent's potential mate or partner into their world, it feels like an invasion.

It is. It's an invasion into everything that makes you feel safe and secure. Your comfort zone, your little bubble.

Another thing that was scaring me to death, was how looking at him made me feel. Now, like I said, I couldn't have wrote about this then because I didn't understand right then, what I was feeling. But now, years later... I know exactly what was happening. I had a few female friends that were just as anti-social as I was, that lived online with me. We could relate. My mother and I, we could relate. But to look at a female with any other interest. It hadn't ever happened.

I never put too much thought into that. I wasn't social, I wasn't out there seeking to find anyone to do anything with. I had never been sexually interested in anyone or anything. Was I a little stunted??? Maybe. But I was young, sex hadn't really been a big deal to me.

For the first time, I was feeling sexual interest. Sexual confusion, because it was over him. You want to talk about conflict, this was massive conflict. He was my mother's date! Her potential whatever!

Knowing my mother, she had probably seen him casually, out and about. Without my knowledge of course.

Later on, I would find out that they had started seeing each other casually and then things had progressed from there. He knew about my father, our problems with him, and as much about me as he could. Without actually meeting me and experiencing me.

I didn't think that I was an experience. Later on, I would find out different as well. She was trying to be careful. Not just for her, but for me and for us. At least I thought so. I couldn't imagine her being careless about bringing someone into our lives. Especially after what we'd went through with my father.

Already with what I was feeling, this man was interfering with my relationship with my mother. I couldn't tell her or anyone else, that when I looked at him, I felt things I never had before! I got up, walked over to my computer and turned it off. My mind was shot. I couldn't concentrate on anything.

I pulled off my clothes, all except my underwear, guzzled the last of the wine and sat the glass on the nightstand and got into bed. The lights were already dim, I had track lighting throughout my room. All different variances of shade and color, as I couldn't abide for something to give glare on my monitor while I played or was online. 

I curled up into a ball, facing the wall. I remember staring at the wall, but all I was actually seeing was his face. His mouth, his eyes, the feeling of his hand and the sound of his voice. His smell. While I had been sitting on my bed, these thoughts had completely flooded my mind and I had fought them back. But now, I gave into them. I think the wine helped with this a ton.

I closed my eyes, if I couldn't see the wall, I could actually focus more on him. This was also the first sexual fantasy of any kind I had ever had. Like I said, was I stunted? Maybe just a little. But I had been kind of sheltered too, and for good reason! I was shy... withdrawn.

Now, of course I'd had an erection before, piss hard-ons galore. Nothing new. But I had never, ever, gotten myself off. Like I said, no reason to... until now.

Before I had even gotten into my bed, I was hard. I allowed one hand to slip down to my crotch, over my briefs, and I started to just lightly rub from my head, down to my balls. I was so hard, and the sensation of my hand moving over every inch of myself while thinking of him. All I could imagine was him touching me. That it was _his_ hand and not mine.

This seemed like forever while it was happening, but in reality and looking back on it, it was just a matter of a few minutes.

Soon my hips were rocking, squeezing my eyes shut, my mouth was open and I was panting. Very quickly, that turned into frantic bucking. Finally, I dared to reach my hand inside and as soon as my hand touched my bare cock, it was all over. I came into my hand and into my briefs. I cried out! The sound of my own voice almost seemed alien to me. The sensation of my first climax was unforgettable. I had been so hard and so sensitive, it'd almost been painful.

It was also confusing. I remember laying there, with my hand in my pants, trying to encompass what had just happened... and why... and who it was over.

And then I cried.


	3. Guilt & Hiding It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't so much the fact that I was attracted to a man that freaked me out. It was the fact of _who_ he was with, and the role that he would play in our lives. In my life especially, _if_ she kept seeing him.
> 
> I was torn, because if she had gone so far as to want me to meet him, to bring him home... from what I knew of my mother and what my intuition told me, this was somebody she planned to have around! It wasn't just some fling.

**

I remember crying until I fell asleep. While I was crying, I had pulled my hand out of my briefs so that I could grab some tissues from the nightstand. I wiped myself up and hid them under my pillow, along with the ones I blew my nose on. Now, I know, most people probably don't cry over their first orgasm. But this whole situation was so emotionally fucked up for me, that I couldn't even comprehend it at the time.

Also, let me say this; seeing same sex couples in France wasn't really a big deal. It was actually somewhat commonplace in most of the larger, non-rural areas. Not like here in the States. Perhaps I should say, some places in the States. I mean, there are people there that don't care for it, and that are against it, just like there are everywhere. So it's not like there's no opposition or anything. 

I mean, I can honestly say that even though my partner and I get stares in public here, if we hold hands or give little shows of affection like any other couple. The only time I was ever spit on by another person was in France. It was in a small farm market, simply for holding hands while we looked at stuff. An older man literally came up to me and spit in my face, then basically called us everything but human beings. So... no, not everyone there is alright with it. Moving on.

It wasn't so much the fact that I was attracted to a man that freaked me out. It was the fact of _who_ he was with, and the role that he would play in our lives. In _my_ life especially, _if_ she kept seeing him. I was torn, because if she had gone so far as to want me to meet him, to bring him home... from what I knew of my mother and what my intuition told me, this was somebody that she planned to have around! 

It wasn't just some fling. My mother didn't have flings.

When I woke up, I instantly knew that she had come in to my room to check on me when she'd gotten back from her date. The wine glass was gone from the nightstand.

I got up, dumped the tissues from under my pillow and went into my bathroom to shower. I had a bathroom of my own, no tub, just a stand up shower. Which provided me with the peace and privacy that I so craved. This would also help with what I would be facing later on.

Now, after showering, I felt the need to hide the briefs that I'd been wearing. I know this may sound so stupid. And looking back on it, I feel kind of dumb. So please try to cut me some slack here. After all, I was pretty freaked out.

She had never been the kind of mother to go through my things, I mean, she rarely came into my room. And I wasn't a neat freak by any measure, but I wasn't a complete slob either.

I had a laundry chute in my room, I knew if I sent them down there she would see them. It wasn't real obvious, but it was enough so that I worried over it. I also knew that if I decided to do the wash, which I never did, she would _definitely_ know that something was up.

So I threw them away. I figured that would be the safest option to completely get rid of all the evidence. Also, now that I look at this, I felt so guilty over being attracted to him that I couldn't handle what I'd done. An admission of my guilt I guess. 

I got dressed and went out to the kitchen to have breakfast. I was ahead in my studies, so I didn't have anything to really do but hang out. That didn't matter, I almost always ate with her or we would meet up with my aunt at the Bistro. 

She was waiting for me, leaning against the counter, tea cup in hand. She didn't say anything about the wine glass. She knew, and she knew that I knew she knew. _Laughs_ I just couldn't help but do that. Sorry, but it was true.

Instead of waiting for her to pry information out of me, I decided to try and act grown up about it, and ask her how her evening went. I didn't want her to worry so over me that it ruined things for her. I wanted her to be happy, I knew that she needed this. Or she wouldn't have gone to the lengths to introduce us. I needed to cope... for my mom.

I smiled at her and got a cup. My hair was wet, combed back. She moved closer to me, taking a lock and tucking it behind my ear. This was a thing she always did. She'd play with my hair. When I was upset, she'd pet my hair, or mess with it. It was a soother. For both of us, I think.

She was ready to be there if I needed her. I told you, I was a Momma's boy, my father was right. About that at least. I poured the tea into my cup and turned to lean against the counter, holding my cup, "So, how'd your night go?"

She almost laughed at me. She could see right through me, enough to know that I was trying for her. "It was nice, Edmond... he's nice."

I felt like I needed to take a deep breath, but if I had, it would've been even more of a dead give away. I stared into my tea, "I'm sorry about... about how I acted. I just... I guess I wasn't prepared."

I took a sip. "Do you... are you going to see him again?"

I wanted to be happy. I wanted _her_ to be happy. But, talking about this with her, after dealing with my father. Then what we went through with his family after he died. It took me a long time to admit that it was almost a relief when he was gone. And I know how that sounds, but we were so unhappy.

This was the first time I'd felt tension talking to her, ever! I was already kind of angry about it, and that was the only thing keeping the tears away. Call me a wimp. Fine, I'm a wimp. But that's how I felt. I knew I needed to suck it up. I did. She was watching me, she did this a lot too. Observing me. 

She tugged at my arm, "Come out and sit with me."

We went out to the sunroom. This is where we did a lot of our talking, and this is where we ate most meals. Unless it was too cold. This is where I found out that they'd been seeing each other, for quite some time. I found out that she was really happy. She looked really happy and she wanted me to be happy. And so, I told her that I was happy for her and that I was fine with it.

That part of it was a lie.

I was worried over how he effected me and how I would cope with it, especially in close quarters. She'd been seeing him, and hiding it from me to make sure he was the right one. And now that we had met and she found out I wasn't going to be a basket case over it, she wasn't wasting any time.

He was coming to dinner the next night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I am actually French-American. Well, French and Irish-American. But the majority of my life was spent in France, from just two months old until just a few years ago. My mother's family is in the States, and so I was born here, kind of on their demand because they knew where we'd be living and they wouldn't get to be a big part of not only her life, but mine. Because my father was French and his career and his family was there, we went back when I was just a couple of months old. I literally had no memory of being in the U.S., other than the several visits we made while I was growing up. I've been to Rouen, but never lived there.
> 
> I am gay, and although the situation with the mother and boyfriend in this story is completely fictitious, some of the things I mention are personal.
> 
> Of course, I think anyone that writes, whether it's as a professional or not, writes from life experience or things they've witnessed... etc. So there is bound to be a ton of truth to every work of fiction. Hence the reason that so many readers can relate.


	4. Prepared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to the door and opened it. Just seeing him again, was sending jolts of electricity through me, and it was all coiling up in my stomach and groin. We stared at each other for a moment, and I finally remembered I had to step aside to let him in. He smiled. Coming in, he handed me his jacket and then followed me to the closet... walk-in.
> 
> I could hear my mother calling from the kitchen, that it would be just a few minutes... he needed to make himself comfortable. I went inside to hang up his coat. I could feel his presence right behind me.
> 
> Speaking low, his voice was so soft. "It's so nice to see you again, Edmond."

**  
I actually hid a bottle of wine in my room. I knew I would need it, and I had. Two glasses before bed, and I slept like a baby. The next morning, I was to clean and prepare the house, while my mother went to the market with my aunt. My aunt was in on the whole thing of course. She had been after my mother to get married again for some time. Saying that she had been alone for far too long.

My aunt and my mother were extremely close, even moreso since my uncle passed away. That happened when we were still in the States, right before my father died. My uncle was the baby out of three siblings, he died young. Skin cancer. Since then, my aunt, who is the oldest, had hung on to my mother for dear life. I didn't blame her, my grandparents were both gone and so they were all that was left.

I know, so much death.

But see, my grandparents had my aunt when they were way younger, very early on in their marriage. Then, they didn't have my mother and my uncle till they were like way older. They were spread far apart from my aunt. My grandmother was in her early to mid forties when my mother and uncle were born. So, you can do the math. And my grandfather was like fifteen years older than my grandmother! So he was like, sixty years old and having babies to raise. No thanks.

My aunt was actually old enough to be my mother's mother, she had helped raise her own siblings. She could also never have children of her own, and so she kind of felt like I was hers as well.

But regardless of how much I wanted my mother's happiness, I did not want her getting remarried! I know how selfish that sounds. I just didn't want us to go through what we did before. _I didn't want to go through it!_ The whole, having someone else in my fucking life to deal with! I felt like I was the man of the house, whether I was or not, and the thought of someone foreign coming in after we'd finally established a peaceful household was turning me fucking inside out! 

And now, well fuck... now the thought of this guy... this guy that was coming to dinner being in our lives. _My life!_ It was terrifying me.

While I got everything ready I had a glass of wine, just to ease my nerves. Was this becoming a habit? Yes. This was nothing compared to what it would become. I knew that she would allow me an extra glass at dinner, just because she knew I would be nervous. Then, if I needed to, I could sneak another when I went to bed.

The house was spotless and the kitchen was ready. I would be helping her cook. I loved to cook. My mother and my aunt both, had taught me everything they knew. Well, a lot. We were making his favorite, evidently. Veal chops, in a garlic parmesan wine sauce with morels and oysters. Baguettes and cheese fondue for an appetizer, and crème brulee for desert. Nothing super fancy, and nothing that took a long time. At least cooking would help get my mind off having to be so close to him, for so long.

Everything was close to ready, and with nothing to do but wait, we dressed for dinner.

For the first time in my life, I actually gave a shit about what I looked like. I showered, blow dried my hair, which I normally let dry on it's own. My hair was wavy and it looked, I think, real nice when I dried it. The length taming the wave a bit. I wore black pants and a dark green, button down shirt that brought out the green in my hazel eyes and the red in my hair. After primping for what seemed like an eternity, I stepped out of my room, waiting expectantly to see what she thought.

I thought my mother was going to choke, literally. She hadn't seen me in anything besides sweats or jeans in a very long time. She brought her hands up to her mouth, her eyes huge, as she did a circle around me. I could feel the heat coming up into my face, my ears were on fire. That may have been partially due to the second glass of wine that I'd snuck after getting out of the shower.

"Edmond! You look wonderful!"

The way she smiled at me, I really felt elated, when I probably should've felt like trash. I wanted to impress him, I _wanted_ to look good for him. He was my motivation entirely.

Now, it's important that everyone knows, I did not have any underhanded thoughts about this. What I'm trying to say is, I wasn't setting out to try and start something with him. There was no plan. I literally was acting on impulse. Everything I did, was completely on instinct, based on how he made me feel. I was excited and terrified at the same time. Perhaps I should say, terrified of my excitement. 

For some reason, seeing him that first time, awoke something in me. Even now, I can't explain that. I was so captivated by him, and that would only get worse. He was all I could think about. I really didn't know what I was doing. And if I thought too much about how he made me feel, and the guilt I had for feeling it, coupled with the fact that he was her love interest. I would've ended up in a fetal position, on my bed... weeping. With a bottle of wine clutched in my hands.

As it was, I was letting my instincts take over. Horrible mistake.

She looked beautiful as well. My mother was a very beautiful woman. Not like model beauty, but down to earth, natural beauty. She didn't ever have to wear makeup. In fact, I don't think I ever saw her with it on.

We were ready, or so I thought.

The creme brulee was resting in the fridge. We had made that first, but would have to put it back in before we were ready to have it, to brown the sugar. She had donned an apron to take things off the stove and out of the oven, while I placed things on the table. Trying to control my breathing, thinking about what I was doing. The bell rang. I jumped, almost screaming! I had been so engrossed. I wasn't ready.

She glanced over her shoulder at me, "Go let him in."

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to the door and opened it. Just seeing him again was sending jolts of electricity through me, and it was all coiling up in my stomach and groin. We stared at each other for a moment, and I finally remembered that I had to step aside to let him in. He smiled. Coming in, he handed me his jacket and then followed me to the closet... walk-in.

I could hear my mother calling from the kitchen, that it would be just a few minutes. He needed to make himself comfortable. I went inside to hang up his coat. I could feel his presence right behind me. 

Speaking low, his voice was so soft. "It's so nice to see you again, Edmond."

I was trying not to shake, just attempting to remember to breathe seemed to be taking a massive amount of effort. I turned and he was right in front of me, looking down at me with those deep, chocolate eyes, under long, dark lashes. He'd shaved, and he was even more breathtaking than I remembered.

I swallowed, "It is... nice to see you as well, Luc."

He actually stepped closer, "I thought I should give you a more formal greeting. Last time, well... I want us to be friends Edmond. I intend to be around, a lot."

I stood there with my mouth agape. This seemed to be a habit as well, catching flies. He brought a hand up to my shoulder and the other to my neck. So fast, his cheek met mine, then moving to the other side of my face, our eyes meeting as he came forward. I could feel his breath, the smell of his cologne, the heat of his body. He was so close. He met my other cheek, pulling away slowly. 

The whole thing only took a minute, but it felt like an hour. I couldn't move. I watched him, still trying to breathe.

He just stood there, looking me over, up and down. "You look magnificent, Edmond. Such a change from the last time I was here." 

He chuckled lightly, "Of course, even some of us can make sweats look good."

My mother was coming. He immediately left the closet, going out to meet her. I stood there in shock, thinking about what had just happened, and the fact that I had an erection and my pants were doing little to hide it. 

Then the realization hit me. While his eyes moved over me, he would've noticed.


	5. Two Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fact that he followed me in there, getting so close... then the greeting.
> 
> Men greeting that way was still pretty commonplace, and of course, it can differ greatly depending on where you're at. But not all men did this. For some, it was mainly if they were old friends, perhaps relatives... or were together. Perhaps in the professional world. At least that was what I was used to seeing. 
> 
> It was definitely not between someone of his age and mine! The way he'd looked at me, touching my neck, just a slight caress with his fingers as he brushed his face against mine.
> 
> The fact that he didn't do it in front of my mother.

**

My mother was completely engrossed in him, leading him into the dining room to sit down. Which gave me the time I needed to pull it together. Walking out of the closet, I closed the door behind me and leaned up against it, closing my eyes. I couldn't believe what had just happened. And I couldn't think about it. If I did, my dick would never go down and I had to make it through dinner and desert.

Now, guys will understand this. Ladies may not. When you first are around someone you find incredibly hot, someone you want, you're ready... pretty much all the time. Especially being the age I was, holy shit! Since that first time I had seen him, I had been hard more often than not. Now it was just that much worse, because he had basically just showed interest of his own. 

Subtle, but there.

The fact that he followed me in there, getting so close... then the greeting. 

Men greeting that way was still pretty commonplace, and of course, it can differ greatly depending on where you're at. But not all men did this. For some, it was mainly if they were old friends, perhaps relatives... or were together. Perhaps in the professional world. At least that was what I was used to seeing. 

It was definitely not between someone of his age and mine! The way he'd looked at me, touching my neck, just a slight caress with his fingers as he brushed his face against mine.

The fact that he didn't do it in front of my mother.

The whole time this was happening, I didn't feel threatened in any manner. I really didn't. If he had started out as a father figure or something of that nature, and then showed sexual interest. Then yes, I would've felt threatened. But this was different. I didn't know him at all. Maybe I should have felt threatened, but I didn't. I just couldn't. What does that say about me?

I was completely overtaken by his presence, left speechless... and turned on. Which freaked me out even more. The fact that he was into my mother, but was showing an interest in me. I didn't understand then, but I do now. Right then, I was being controlled by how he made me feel.

You could say that the right head wasn't doing the thinking. But when it came right down to it, it was more than that. Way more. We'll get to what I learned about how he felt and why, later.

The only thing I could hope for, was that they would want some time alone after dinner, and I could go to my room. Where I would _definitely_ think about it! Knowing she would want me in there, taking the heel of my hand, I tried to adjust myself. Trying to make it a little less obvious. It was useless.

I couldn't wait any longer, she would be wanting to know what was taking me. This was important to her, which made me feel all the more like a fucking traitor! Pushing away from the closet, I straightened my shoulders, took a deep breath and walked into the dining room.

As soon as I got in, I let out a quiet sigh of relief. They were both seated with their backs to me, I could walk in and immediately sit, without having an audience watch me the entire time. Thank God! I walked around the table and sat, pulling my chair in. My mother looked at me silently, expectantly. I looked around the table, trying to figure out what was amiss.

The glasses were empty.

Oh shit! I was going to have to stand and pour the fucking wine! Which, because they were both seated, would put my crotch right within view. Practically eye level.

I asked for pardon and stood, my mother smiling up at me proudly. Our guest was not to pour his own wine, and I always poured my mother's when we ate. So, picking up the bottle, I poured hers first, then his. She had her eyes on me the whole time, which was good. Because that meant she didn't notice where _his_ eyes were.

I could only give him peripheral glances, I didn't dare look at him full on, not while she was watching me like she was. I was literally burning up, I felt like I had gone super fucking nova! I was sweating, trying not to shake, as I filled my own glass last. Finally, I could sit. She would serve him and then herself, I would serve myself after them.

While she was serving, I reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear and move it to one side around my neck. That way it wouldn't get into my plate. I happened to glance up and meet his gaze. He was looking at me, the corners of his full lips curved into sexy grin. An almost devious gleam in his eyes as the corners creased just slightly in his amusement.

He knew. He saw the condition I was in, while he looked me over in the closet. He was completely aware of the effect he was having on me.

Once we started to eat, he was completely all about my mother and the food. Which was delicious by the way. He spoke to me occasionally, making polite conversation, usually making a comment on something she initiated, but that was it. I watched him. I watched _them._ Trying to figure him out. He seemed genuine with my mother, they seemed very natural together, at ease with one another. Which made me even more confused.

I finished first, getting up. I was relieved that I had gone down some, but still wrapped the apron around myself. Where it would stay until I went to my room, and got the crème brulee into the oven. While that was finishing, I started making coffee. I leaned against the counter, waiting for the percolator.

My mother loved freshly ground coffee. And she loved how perked coffee smelled, she'd say that she'd never gotten used to the new fangled coffee makers, so we stuck to my grandmother's old glass perk. Believe it or not, she couldn't stand espresso either, it upset her stomach. The only time she ever tolerated it, was during parties or dinner at someone else's home. But even then, one usually had a choice of desert beverage. We usually stuck to plain coffee, or coffee with liquor.

They finished talking, and she excused herself. I could hear her walk into the bathroom and shut the door. Then I heard him come into the kitchen.

I continued facing the counter, hearing him walk up next to me. His voice had such a soft purr to it. Just hearing him talk like that, sent shivers through me. "What's for desert, Edmond?"

I could feel his gaze on me, I licked my lips and turned my head to him just a bit. "Crème Brulee"

I instantly looked down at the counter, anywhere but at him. I didn't trust myself not to look like a complete idiot. My hair fell around my face, shielding me from him. My safety net.

I closed my eyes as he moved behind me, my heart was pounding in my chest! It all seemed so surreal, my body was completely tingling, waiting to see what he was going to do. Moving his hands to the sides of my face, he gathered my hair and softly held it at the back of my neck.

I literally gasped at his touch. My fingers clutching the counter's edge. I couldn't believe his boldness! I couldn't believe it, but I liked it. He seemed to take advantage of every opportunity he had. "You should tie your hair back next time I'm here, Edmond. I want to see your face."

He casually twirled the hair he held between his fingers, just for a moment. Dropping my hair, letting it fall back into place. Evidently realizing that I wasn't going to face him, he leaned his backside up against the counter. "Your mother tells me that your birthday is coming up soon... you'll be fourteen?"

I just nodded my head. "Do you know what I do for a living, Edmond?"

I shook my head no, grabbing a hot pad and bent down to take the ramekins out from under the broiler.

"Software... "

That got my attention, I looked right at him. Now I was interested in more than just his effect on me.

"Your mother tells me that you're interested in that field... in computers in general. I have a present in mind for you then. I didn't design this of course, but... from what Monique tells me, you should like it."

We both heard the bathroom door open, and looked at each other. He immediately walked back into the dining room. I poured the coffee, placing it on a tray, along with desert and walked in as well. I tried to focus on what I was eating, listening to him. He again, brought up his job to my mother. Then, telling her that he had a surprise for me next time he came. For my birthday.

He looked at me. "We should have a celebration... make a day of it."

He put his arm around her, but continued looking at me. "I can come by earlier, help with the cooking. We'll make Edmond's favorite dish." He winked at me and smiled.

I was turning red again. He turned to her in his seat, talking over what they would make. My hand passed over the coffee cup and grabbed my glass of wine. I listened, while I drank.

She was so excited, he was taking an interest in me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, for those of you that are familiar with France or areas where cheek kissing is a form of greeting, please try to remember that this is a story... fiction. I can say that growing up there and spending time in numerous neighboring places, that cheek kissing is extremely common for many men. So again, like i said... it's a story and i'm tweaking things a little bit to fit my needs.


	6. Taken Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way we looked at each other, our eyes heavy between the wine and lust. Anyone that saw us together at that moment, would have known. It was obvious what was going on. His voice lowered, flowing out of his mouth like honey.
> 
> "Thank goodness for that apron, hmm... "

**

I was so thankful that her attention was on him. The way he sat, turned toward her, completely shielded me from her view. Thank God, because I was fighting to keep my eyes off him. His black shirt completely hugged his form. Showing off his physique perfectly, well defined. My eyes roamed over every inch, wondering what he would look like with the shirt off. I could only imagine. Open just enough at the neckline, so you could see that wonderful dark hair, that probably graced his entire chest. I licked my lips.

Almost letting out a sigh, I struggled to reign it in and forced my eyes to move back up to his face. As if that was any better, any easier on me. His strong jawline, those full lips, long dark lashes that kissed his skin each time he blinked. The wine was thinking for me at that point. I had to get away from the table, away from them... him.

I stood, excusing myself, keeping my eyes downcast the entire time while I collected plates and glasses. Placing them onto the serving tray, I walked back out to the kitchen and set the tray on the counter. I leaned into it, closing my eyes. I was rock hard again, just from looking him over.

I set about doing the dishes, running the soapy water while I scraped the plates. I listened to little bits of their conversation, I was too inebriated to try and figure him out right then. It was taking everything I had not to completely swoon over the images of him, that were burning in my mind.

The wine may have relaxed me... my mind, my nerves, but it had done nothing to relax my cock. I was so hard it almost hurt. And I had to get through the dishes before I could retire to my room. I would never leave this amount of work to my mother, that would be the poorest display of manners.

I grabbed my wine glass and sipped while the sink filled. His voice suddenly behind me, made me jump. "Such a good son, helping your mother the way you do. I respect that."

I shut off the water and turned to him, leaning my backside against the counter, raking a finger over my ear with a lock of hair. Liquid courage does wonders. I didn't know where my mother was, but I figured if he was this close to me, alone with me... she had to be somewhere else, or this wouldn't have been happening. We just stared at each other.

"I'm getting ready to leave, I have an early morning tomorrow."

He actually raised a hand to my face and tucked my hair back over my ear where it had fallen again. The way we looked at each other, our eyes heavy between the wine and lust. Anyone that saw us... together at that moment, would have known. It was obvious what was going on.

His voice lowered, flowing out of his mouth like honey. "Thank goodness for that apron, hmm... "

I couldn't be shocked by what he said, it just made me want him all the more. My eyes were locked with his, everything in me wanted to step closer... to bridge that gap, to wrap myself around him. I wanted things I'd never thought of before. Things I'd never even dreamt of before!

My weakened voice was almost a whisper, "Yes... I am thankful."

He smiled, and then hearing a door open, he left the kitchen and met my mother who had evidently walked into the parlor. He called out au revoir to me. I turned and faced the sink, listening as my mother was going to come and chastise me for not saying a proper farewell. He instantly stopped her, hearing him stand up for me, saying to her that we had already said our goodbyes.

That made her feel better, I could hear it in her voice. They talked low, planning a lunch or something tomorrow. I couldn't really tell from where I was. I dumped the rest of my glass, now I really had to get control. He was no longer there to distract her, and she would be wanting to get a reaction from me, about him... about what I thought, and whether or not I was okay with it.

I took in a deep breath, listening to her come into the room. I started doing the dishes, trying to act nonchalant.

I pasted a smile onto my face and hummed while I worked, she came up beside me and leaned against the counter. I decided to speak first, I tilted my head to her. "He's nice" smiling, "He's real nice, mother... I like him."

I decided to embellish, not that it wasn't true, but. "Especially the fact that he's into computers, like me."

I grinned even bigger, thinking inwardly, how wonderful that was. She just laughed, rubbing my back. I could see the relief on her face. I was a shit! But the wine was taking away some of my remorse, allowing me to wallow in my lust for him almost guilt free. I couldn't wait for the next time he came. I was looking forward to it... and more wine. Anything to keep the feelings flowing that seemed to be taking me over. Anything to keep the pain away that wanted to keep flooding in, over what I wanted and how much I wanted it.

She actually let out of breath of relief. "I am so glad, Edmond... so glad."

I turned to her, seeing the happiness on her face, it almost crushed me internally. I forced a smile and turned back to the sink.

I needed more wine.

**

We finished together, then both retired. She had told me that they had a lunch date tomorrow, but that he wouldn't be over for a couple of days. He had a day off coming up and they wanted to celebrate my birthday, _and_ they wanted to talk to me about something.

I didn't even let that sink in, what they could have to talk to me about. Yeah, I didn't even think about that until the next day.

She spilled the beans over how old he was, she had reservations. She was going on thirty nine and he was just turning thirty two. I let out a little chuckle, telling her that wasn't that big of a difference. What I was really thinking, was the fact that he was only eighteen years older than me. That wasn't that unheard of. Except the fact that I would only be fourteen on Friday. It didn't matter to me.

Getting undressed, I pulled on some sweats _without_ the briefs. I needed to relieve myself, bad. And I had something in mind, something a friend of mine had told me about the day I had been busy cleaning and preparing for this very night.

We were online together all the time, he was my age and I, being the only person he really trusted enough to tell this to. He had come out to me. I was the first person he'd told thus far. I was in total support, of course. And now, I would have someone to talk to over how I was feeling. I didn't really feel I could give him all the details though. I mean, what was happening to me... this was kind of forbidden territory. 

I had emailed him and told him that I was totally gone over this older guy, which basically meant that I had sort of come out to him. We were both sworn to secrecy at the moment. He hadn't let on to his parents or family yet. He didn't feel it would be a huge issue, he simply just wasn't ready.

I knew I wasn't. My mother had enough cooking right now and so did I. Some massive things had changed in just a couple of days. Not just between myself and my best friend, but... everything.

I texted him that I needed the website again. Instantly getting a text back, I memorized it and then deleted the text. He'd gotten turned on to this all-male website, gay porn. Telling me how hot it was, how beautiful the men all were. It helped him get off without having, or trying to get any books or anything that someone could find. He wanted to keep it as private as possible. As I would of course. Again, I completely understood.

I typed it in, and as soon as it came up, I felt funny. I actually got up and locked my door. The way I felt, you'd have thought I was viewing classified secrets or something. I sat back down and poured myself another glass of wine. I had already turned my volume all the way down. My friend had informed me that the music was absolutely ridiculous. Saying that between the music and the shitty acting lines, he'd had to stifle his laughs.

Well, lets be honest folks... they aren't really being paid to act. They're being paid to get each other off. I had no reason to hear what they had to say, I simply wanted to see what they were doing. Not only did I want to relieve myself, but I wanted to learn. I wanted to know what to do. Because I knew that this thing that was happening, it was going to escalate. Quickly. At least I thought it was.

Part of me, huh... who am I kidding? _All of me,_ wanted him so fucking bad, but the part that kept telling me this was wrong, kept getting smaller and smaller. I would keep drowning that part in alcohol. Anything to shut it up!

I watched, completely engrossed in the men on my screen and what they were doing. Actually gasping at some of the stuff they did to each other, things that had never even entered my mind. And my friend was right, they were all really hot. After just a few minutes, I had pulled my sweats down. They pooled around my feet, as I sprawled out on the chair. One of the men was going down on the other, the man being sucked off, was now holding his legs up against his chest, showing his ass, while his partner licked and stuck his tongue into his hole.

I was so fucking hard, just watching this... and thinking about him. God, the only thing I could think about, was him doing that to me, that being us! Me being able to touch him. And now... now I had an eyeful of visual to place with my fantasies. Which just made it worse, it made me want more.

I had pilfered my mother's baby oil from her bathroom. I oiled myself up and began stroking. Just the feel of my hand, while I watched the men on my screen. I had to cover my mouth with my other hand, for fear of making noise. I definitely didn't want her coming to investigate. Again, it didn't take long and I was cumming into my hand.

That was something else I would have to work on... stamina. Of course, as turned on as I was, I didn't go down, not right away That coupled with all the wine in my system, I probably could've lasted all night. Cum until I couldn't cum anymore. As it was, I needed some sleep. I guzzled the wine and grabbed my phone.

Sending a text back to my friend that I loved the website! It would be saved in my favorites.


	7. The Best Remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We looked at each other for a minute, then she spit it out. "He wants to move in... I mean, I want him to move in."
> 
> The fact that she faltered and then changed how she said that, stuck in my mind. I started taking a mental note of these kinds of things too. Because I still, was very curious about his motivation. His reasoning behind this dual relationship that he seemed to be initiating.

**

It felt like forever before I fell asleep. Even with a whole bottle of wine in my system. Which I was definitely going to pay for in the morning. All I could see, was him. All I could think about, was what I had seen and what I wanted to do. I was quickly becoming obsessed.

And now, I had to wait two whole days before I could see him again. There were things I needed to do before he came back, things that would help take my mind off the fact that I was becoming addicted to him and how he made me feel. Things that would help me in my endeavor. 

Did I say before, that I didn't have a plan? I didn't at first. But that soon changed. 

Honestly, with the way he had started things out, it wouldn't have mattered. He had his own plan, and it had absolutely nothing to do with what I really wanted. It was just much more convenient for him that I wasn't fighting it. I've often wondered what would've happened if I had resisted.

I woke the next morning, with the worst headache I've ever had. If you've never had the privilege of experiencing a wine hangover... I can tell you firsthand, it is something you will never forget. Red wine is the worst, but that's all we drank. Cheap wine can have a lot of additives that can worsen the effect, but we didn't drink cheap wine. It was literally the amount that I had consumed that was making it so horrific.

I lay in bed clutching my head, while my mother called to me that breakfast was ready. Poached eggs and toast.

Just the smell coming in from the crack under my door, coupled with the sweet baby oil smell that was still emanating from my crotch, was enough to make me puke. I knew I had to act like I was fine. Fooling my mother, making her believe I was okay, should have earned me a fucking award! I struggled to sit up and as soon as I was upright my stomach was doing flips. My head felt like it was going to explode. I moaned, the sound just making it that much worse.

My mouth. Uhhh... I needed a drink, bad. I stumbled to the bathroom, grabbing the pain pills from my medicine cabinet, filling a glassful of water. I knew that guzzling it would do me no favors, but couldn't help it. I was parched. It felt so good in my mouth, so good going down... until it hit my gut. Mistake. Instantly, my stomach cramped up. I held onto the sink, waiting for it to pass. I knew if I puked now, it was all over.

I splashed some cold water on my face, put on a t-shirt and went out to greet my mother. Sunroom... hangover... no sunglasses. Bad idea, but I suffered through it. She had our plates waiting, I glanced out to her. She was curled up in her favorite chair, looking out over the garden that was now filled with yellows and oranges, covered in sparkling layer of frost.

I had a minute. Quick-like, I opened the fridge, grabbed the tomato juice and a bottle of vodka. Pouring a small glass, I threw in a dash of the vodka. One of the things I had learned from my father. 'A little hair of the dog', as he would always say after having too much to drink.

Of course, there was no way that I could stomach wine at the moment. But I could handle this. For the sneaky drinker, unlike other alcohols, vodka doesn't really have an odor and not too much taste. You can mix it with almost anything and barely taste the alcohol. Unless it's shit Vodka, then watch the fuck out! Nasty.

At least for me that's the case. One of the only things I can handle after a night of overindulgence. I read somewhere that eating asparagus before and after helps too, but just the thought of that is revolting. That in itself would be enough to make me puke. 

So, just enough in some of the tomato juice would help. The juice itself, giving my body some of what it needed to recoup, plus the vodka... she would never know.

The whole time I'm doing this... the reality of what I was becoming, the fact that I'd changed completely in just a matter of days since first meeting him, was eating me up inside. If I had seen myself now, _before him,_ before all of this. I would've sworn I was looking at a total stranger. That there was _no way_ that this was me! 

I worshiped my mother. But I was falling for him so rapidly. I couldn't bear the pain of what I was doing behind her back, but I also couldn't bear the thought of what _not_ having him, would do to me. And I just kept pushing it back. All of it.

It was like deep down, I knew I was hanging over the cliff, barely holding on by my fingertips. And instead of pulling myself up, I let go... and fell into the bottomless pit. There was no return. I remember looking into my tomato juice and literally making an internal choice.

At this point, I couldn't imagine not seeing him again, not experiencing how he made me feel. I chose that... I chose him. And with that choice, I let part of myself die. It wasn't a quick and painless death either. It would be slow and torturous, over a period of the next several years.

I walked into the sun room, another false smile gracing my mouth and sat down. I looked up to her, "Good morning."

She was watching me, smiling. "Good morning."

She started eating, looking at me as she chewed. She looked happy. That, coupled with the food before me, my mouth started watering... not from hunger either. I swallowed down the fluid that had pooled up in my mouth and dug in. After the first few bites, it wasn't so bad. I downed my tomato beverage and then sipped on my warm coffee. The protein and vodka already doing wonders for my hangover. Of course, the pain pills I'd taken were probably kicking in as well. The alcohol would help that along.

We sip on our coffee, and I can tell, just by how she's acting that she wants to say something. There is a talk brewing. So, putting my feet up into the chair with me, I get comfortable and wait for her to talk.

"Edmond... you like Luc, don't you?"

The way her voice sounded, the way she said it, coupled with the look of worry and doubt on her face, I actually started to think that maybe she's having second thoughts. That thought, instantly made my stomach clench up! I try to look as convincing as possible. Now, I already knew how _I_ felt. I had to convince her, that I didn't just like him for her. That I wasn't doing this, just for her happiness. 

Do you know how fucked up that sounded? So fucked up, that just writing it made me cringe! Well I assure you that feeling it was much, much worse. Looking back and fucking remembering all this, seeing it all play back and knowing what I know now still makes me want to die, but right then, I had to be convincing.

I nodded my head a little, then looked up at her. "Mother... I really like him. I told you that, why?"

Now, let me explain something. I called my mother, mama (mere). Its kind of a French thing. Just like I called, or wanted to call my father, papa (pere). He'd get pissed and demand I say Dad. He ended up settling for father. I'm writing that I said mother, simply because some not accustomed may find it babyish that I called her mama at the age of thirteen, so I'll stick to mother.

She let out a deep breath, started to say something and I cut her off. "Really... I really mean it."

We looked at each other for a minute. Then she spit it out. "He wants to move in... I mean, I want him to move in."

The fact that she faltered and then changed how she said that, stuck in my mind. I started taking a mental note of these kinds of things too. Because I still, was very curious about his motivation. His reasoning behind this dual relationship, that he seemed to be initiating.

_This,_ was what they planned to talk to me about? I remembered now, her saying that last night.

"Is _this,_ what you both planned to talk with me about... during my celebration?" I swallowed, hoping that I was correct. God, I did not need anything else to happen right now.

She nodded her head, looking at me, a worried expression all over her face. I kind of chuckled, smiling, relieved. "That's fine... I'm glad."

She still didn't seem so sure, "I... just, didn't think you would be alright with it. I'm a little shocked, Edmond. Happy, but shocked."

"I like him, he's not like father... " I could see her face pinch up a little at the mention of him. Not good memories. "He makes you happy, as long as he's good to you and to me... that's what matters."

She started to cry, still smiling, but crying all the same. I went to her, got down on my knees and laid my head in her lap. This was a thing I had done since I couldn't even remember. Another soother. She wrapped her arms around me and stroked my hair while she cried.

Right now... I wanted to die. I was thankful that my face was hidden. I couldn't cry, I wouldn't allow it right then. I knew if I started, I may not be able to stop. Does turning into a man, require that one become Jekyll and Hyde? Because that's how I felt. I had always been a mama's boy, part of me still wanted that, but me becoming his... and that's what I was becoming, was moving me away from her.

If the situation had been different and he was any other guy, it would be normal growth, normal coming of age type stuff.

She was experiencing me growing and it was causing her pain. There was change taking place. She and I both, had come along way since my father's death and coming back home. It would be okay. I would keep telling myself that. Regardless of how fucked up the situation was, I was growing, so at least some of it was normal... right?

Her sniffing, brought me back down to Earth. "Edmond... you smell like my oil... "

My eyes flew open! I sat up, looking her in the eye, trying my hardest not to give away my panic. "I borrowed your oil... I'm sorry I didn't ask. My skin has been dry."

"That's alright, you keep it. I'll get some more."

All seemed to be well now, so I went back to my chair. She was relieved and so was I. And now, I had an alibi for the baby oil smell that would be coming from me quite often. While we finished our coffee, I told her that I planned to clean out the wine closet. With him coming to stay, evidently very soon, I thought it a good idea. We would be drinking more wine, having another person in the house.

I know I definitely would be. 

We had a whole closet dedicated to wine. Racks that went from floor to ceiling. I couldn't very well snitch a bottle here and there, and leave a clean spot where a bottle had sat, now could I?

She agreed. I cleaned up from breakfast and went to my room to shower. I wanted to clean my room and kind of make it more, Luc friendly. I wanted it to appear more grown up, but even with that, I refused to rid myself of gaming posters and paraphernalia. He was techy, he would understand. This was also my personality, and I refused to change that for anyone. Gordon Freeman would continue to grace my wall.

My hair, still damp and dripping down my back, where I'd combed it out. I sat down in jeans, a t-shirt and bare feet, and decided to check my email. I usually chatted with several friends daily, and or played. I wanted to see if my friend I'd gotten the website from had anything going on. And to be honest, I desperately needed someone to talk to. Even if I couldn't divulge too much, I needed someone that could relate just a little.

The first thing to catch my eye, was an unread email from an unknown. I looked at the address carefully, it didn't look like anyone I even remotely knew. It looked like a business address. I turned on my preview pane and about shit my pants!

It was an email from him!

Not knowing, or even caring, how he got my address right then. I was absolutely giddy, in fact, the smile on my face was so huge I probably looked ridiculous. I fought between pulling my feet up into the chair, and jumping around the room screaming. I instantly opened it, reading it! One hand up to my face, instinctively hiding my smile.

'How is your hangover? I knew you would have one... naughty boy. That's what happens when you drink too much. I've included a link for you, natural hangover remedies. Use it wisely.'

Then the ending, God... just thinking about him writing this to me! I was so excited I was literally shaking. My heart was going a mile a minute as I read it over and over. Especially the end.

'Two more days Edmond... I can't wait.'


	8. Me & My Precious Privacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Please tell me you are not! Are you really? Don't you dare do that to me! I'm surrounded by people, while you have your precious privacy... is your mother home?'

Oh baby, light's on  
But your Mom's not home  
I'm sick of laying down alone, hey  
With this fever, fever, yeah  
My one and own  
I wanna get you alone  


**

I must have read that email a hundred times.

I was literally bouncing off the walls! I wanted to write him back so bad, but didn't know what to say. I thought it over as I went to the kitchen to pour another cup of coffee.

My mother had gone out with my aunt. She would more than likely be gone all day. That happened a lot, I always seemed to have privacy... the place to myself. Part of me wondered how that would change after he moved in. Evidently, he was moving in this weekend, from what she'd told me. That's probably why she rushed to see my aunt, she had to let her in on the news.

I didn't really question why she was moving so fast either. And _fast,_ is an understatement here as well. This was warp fucking speed, especially for my mother. But was I going to complain? NO. He would be in the house everyday. I would be able to see him, have access to him. At the time, this seemed wonderful and exciting. My mind was so occupied with him and the hormones that were taking over my fucking body, that I really didn't stop to think about how much more stressful this could actually become.

Ummm, I was barely fourteen, can you say no life?! No experience... with anything! I had no clue what I was stepping into. Me stepping into, is not really the right term either. What _he_ was doing, was more like it! All of this was happening, because of him! 

And I know... many of you may be thinking that I was just as much to blame. That I should have put a stop to it. I will admit that through my guilt, I had thought about that accusation over the three years that I was involved with him. And it's just until recently, that I've been able to come to terms with it and let it go. The conclusion that I came to, after massive amounts of help from my Doctor(s), and thousands of dollars spent, is this.

I was young, inexperienced, and immature. I, even with my actions, was the innocent in the situation. If he hadn't pursued me... pushed and instigated, it would've ended up being nothing but a normal crush on my part. Nothing more. And eventually, I would've gotten over it. Probably still with some guilt over the fact that my crush was on my mother's love interest. But that too, would have been dealt with in time, once I became interested in someone else... _had he not pursued me._

How long has it taken me to accept this? Years. Moving on.

I was glad she wasn't home, it's probably a good thing she wasn't! Because I was giggling like a fool, on cloud fucking nine. I went back to my room and decided to write him back. I sat down at the computer, wondering what he was wondering right then. If he expected a reply, or if he didn't want one. I could flounder all day with that, so... I said a simple, 'Thank you'.

Within minutes I got a reply. My face already hurt from smiling so much, but as soon as I got his reply, I about came undone! It's funny just remembering this... WOW! I was such an idiot! But you know, it is so nice to be that happy, that fucking excited over someone.

'You're welcome, did you try anything? What worked for you?'

Grinning ear to ear, laughing as I wrote. 'Hair of the dog... and eggs. Yuck! on the eggs.'

I could almost picture his perfect face, laughing like me as he typed. At least he seemed as excited as me, as into this thing that was happening between us as I was. I held onto that. I had never been this happy.

'Ha ha... I don't believe it! You drank more wine... after what you had last night?'

He actually had no idea exactly how much wine I had really consumed. He only knew what he saw. It was a miracle I'd been able to walk straight. In fact, when I had gotten into my room, I had let my control go to the point that I was weaving around and bumping into things.

'No. Vodka in tomato juice.'

It was a minute before he replied. I sipped on my coffee, waiting expectantly.

'You are definitely _not_ Mama's innocent little boy, are you?'

I wasn't sure what to think about that. He couldn't _want_ me to be innocent, could he? Or was that his draw? The fact that he would have me first... be my trainer. A battle between worry and excitement, now waged within me. Fuck it! I would be direct.

'That could have something to do with you... '

Instantly, the reply came and instantly, I was relieved. Perhaps I shouldn't have been. 'I hope it has _EVERYTHING,_ to do with me.'

Oh my God! I sat back in my chair, reading the screen. Getting turned on just from reading our banter. I unzipped my jeans, pulling them down around my feet, kicking them off! Just thinking about what I was about to do, coupled with the fact that I would be emailing him at the same time, I was hard and ready. Opening the bottom drawer to my desk, I pulled out the oil. Already stroking myself with one hand, I typed with the other.

'We are in agreement then.' Short and to the point.

It was getting hotter with each sentence, maybe now he would be the one to squirm. Good for me!

'Oh Edmond, what you do to me. I don't know if I can wait two days now!'

My turn to tease, let him know just how much I wanted him. 'I'm not waiting... _I'm_ thinking about _you_ right now.'

I had oiled up my hand, sliding it over my cock and this time, I could make noise. I didn't have to cover my mouth, freeing up my other hand. While I waited for his reply, I let my other hand slide down over my sac and started rubbing over my ass. That in itself, was a whole new sensation for me. Just rubbing my slick fingers over my asshole, about fucking did me in.

But now I knew each time I would get too close, I would stop completely, or just stop and squeeze. It worked. I had gotten some tips from my friend, after telling him I might be losing it to this guy I was head over heels for. I wanted to be able to last more than five fucking minutes! He had given me some pointers that had helped him.

It took him a few minutes to reply, all I could do was wonder what he was thinking about my boldness. Whether or not he really believed me. Waiting and thinking, also giving me enough distraction to delay things a little.

'Please tell me you are not! Are you really? Don't you dare do that to me! I'm surrounded by people, while you have your precious privacy... is your mother home?'

Just reading this while I was getting off, I felt diabolical! I wanted to make him suffer so bad. Taking an oily hand away, oh well... I could clean the keys later. 'Oh, but I am... and no, she's not. Just me, my hands and some oil... thinking about you... '

I was cracking up, literally throwing my head back laughing. It all seemed so hysterical at the moment... and so fucking hot!

'I want to give you your fucking present right now!'

So much fun... 'You are my present... and I want you right now!'

There was another minute delay. 'Oh My God! Edmond... you little shit! I can't do this right now... I want to so bad. Give me your number, I'll text you later. Make sure we are discreet please. I think you know that though. Bye. :c'

As soon as I read his response, I quit looking at the screen and concentrated on me. I closed my eyes and stroked harder, my fingers on the other hand applying more pressure to my sensitive hole. My feet were now kicked up onto my computer desk, giving me better access to my ass. I was panting, just thinking about what he wanted to do to me, I couldn't even imagine... I wanted to feel him... see him, have him touch me so bad.

I slipped a finger in and that's all it took. The sensation blew me away! I cried out and shot up all over my t-shirt and into my hair. Another shower needed. I just sat there for a few minutes, coming down.

Then I realized I still had to give him my number. I typed it in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics ~ Fever  
> by: Adam Lambert


	9. Our Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _'In all honesty, that was the most interesting email chat, I think I've ever had. There is so much that I would like to say... to tell you._   
>  _But again, I only have one more day. I wish I was there to tuck you in... pretty soon, I will be._   
>  _But, we must remember... it's our secret._   
>  _Sweet Dreams.'_   
>  _L'_

**

The day sped by after my shower. I focused on my room, and after expending every ounce of energy I had on my excitement and then getting off over our emails, I was spent. The wine closet would wait until tomorrow, there was no way I was going to try and tackle that job. It would get done before he arrived. And, after my vodka this morning, I hadn't needed to indulge. Of course, my mother was gone, he was gone, and I was hung over.

I tried not to focus on my phone either. I stuck it in my back pocket and did what I needed to do. I was actually kind of paranoid. I didn't want to be clingy, I didn't want him to think I was a baby... a child. Even though I was beginning to see, that my youth _had_ to be some of the draw here. I had never had a relationship with anyone other than my mother. You know, family relationships... friendships. But never a personal, intimate relationship. My friends were all as young as me. So, not a lot of relationship advice coming from there either.

The thing that freaked me out the most, was the fact that he was so much older than me. Not the age part. It was the fact that I knew he had a lot of experience. He knew what he was doing, and I didn't know anything!

I thought about that all day while I cleaned my room. I thought over the fact, that he must've seen the effect he'd had on me the very first night, and then decided to pursue me? Was this whole thing, just some kind of big ego trip for him or something? I wracked my brain over it, I just couldn't figure the whole thing out. My mother had told me, that he knew all about me. She had told him everything.

Eventually I gave up... for now.

I nursed another mineral water and went to bed early. She wasn't even home yet, usually I was up late, online or playing. But all I could think about, was curling up in my bed and hibernating. I stuck my phone under the edge of my pillow, put it on vibrate and passed out.

I don't remember my mother coming home, I have no idea whether or not she checked on me. She probably did and I slept through it.

I also didn't remember my phone vibrating.

I woke late the next morning. She had evidently let me sleep in, and she was gone, again. I felt a ton better. I lay in bed, stretching. Then, I suddenly remembered that he said he was going to text me. I was almost afraid to check my phone. If he hadn't, I knew I would be disappointed. I didn't want that, but I also wanted to know. I _needed_ to know.

I knew I had a message, just from the blink on my phone. I turned onto my side, holding the phone with both hands and opened the screen. I saw the message, but stopped to save it to my contacts. Remembering that I needed to be discreet... secretive. I put Anon for a name, then read it. It had been sent at 10:39 pm, and I had gone to bed around five. I hadn't even eaten.

_'I just want you to know, that I thought about you all day._  
_I tried to visualize you, while you were being such a tease this morning. Nothing, Edmond... no fantasy I can concoct, is ever going to be as good as the real thing. Not with you. Not where we are concerned. And I will have that in one more day._  
_In all honesty, that was the most interesting email chat, I think I've ever had. There is so much that I would like to say... to tell you._  
_But again, I only have one more day. I wish I was there to tuck you in... pretty soon, I will be._  
_But, we must remember... it's our secret._  
_Sweet Dreams.'_  
_L'_

**

Now... _now,_ that I reread this, and I can, because it is still saved on my fucking phone! Along with every text and email that I ever got from him. That this was creepy.

When I read it now, knowing what I know and what I went through, it sends shivers down my spine and literally makes the hair on me stand up. It also, still makes my chest clench up in sheer agony. Even after this long. But that is getting better, little by little, day by day.

Right then, I was in lust. Soon to be in love. And yes, it was real love. Not yet, but very soon it would be. I was also getting the much needed attention from a man. Something I'd never gotten. But years of counseling can't be wrong, can they? I didn't want him to be a father figure. I wanted to be with him as a partner, a mate. In no way, did I want anything else, ever! But I guess when I look at it now, I can kind of rationalize it.

There was so much wrapped up in my growing obsession with him. A lot of it was normal, my coming of age, experiencing sexuality and all that entailed for the first time. My homosexuality. All of that, I viewed as normal. I still do. Me being gay, wasn't hinged on anything that had to do with him. I would've been with a man even if I'd never met him.

Back to the past.

**

My heart was the only thing I could hear the entire time I was reading his text. My whole body was tingling and everything seemed to lead to my groin. Anyone that has ever had it bad for someone, knows that feeling. The butterflies, the electricity, the way your heart and stomach, all the way down to your loins, just seems to ache and be on fire at the same time! It's crazy.

I read it over and over, trying to memorize it, letting it burn into my mind. Just reading his words, made me feel like the most important thing ever. All I could do was smile and think about tomorrow. The fact that he would be here, I could be near him again. Then, I started wondering what he was going to do, what would happen?

I jumped out of bed and threw on some sweats. I was starving. And now I had all the motivation I needed to get the wine closet cleaned. I opened my door, the smell of eggs benedict hitting me full force. My mouth was watering and my stomach growling. The only food I'd had all day yesterday, had been the breakfast I'd forced down to fool my mother. Which had actually helped me recover. 

She always made breakfast, and she always left me something if I slept in. I knew exactly where it would be... microwave. Walking into the kitchen, I wanted some coffee to go with it. There was a note on the counter, in front of the coffee maker.

_'Good Morning, Sleepyhead_  
_I'm out getting my hair done before I meet with Luc for lunch. Our date yesterday was cancelled, he got busy at work._  
_That was fine though, I was with Aunt Liane, she wants to come tomorrow._  
_Breakfast is in the micro oven._  
_I got home real late last night and checked on you, I could hear your phone buzzing, but couldn't find it anywhere. I tried to wake you, but after no luck I figured I'd let you sleep._  
_Are you well? I hope so, Luc is so excited about tomorrow. It's all he's been able to talk about._  
_I'll be back early, rest up and eat._  
_I Love You,_  
_Me._

I instantly went into a panic! All my happy thoughts went out the window as I studied the note again and again!

The fact that he'd cancelled with her after our little email session, was sadly, last on my list of concerns. She had come in to check on me, she had heard my phone! Now, it was evident that she didn't see it. But if she had... Oh my God! I couldn't even imagine what would've fucking happened!

I normally left it on the nightstand next to me. If I had done that, it would have been all over. I had to be more careful. I couldn't blow this!

I took a deep breath and turned on the microwave, warming my food. The only thing on my mind was getting ready for tomorrow, and making sure everything that had to do with him was safe. Because there was no way that I was deleting anything... _EVER!_

I would keep it all until the day I died.


	10. You Didn't Need Help With That... Did You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He shut the door quietly, making sure it latched. Then, he turned to me, his eyes getting heavy as he walked slowly toward me. All I could do was breathe and watch him as he got closer. Putting his hands on my arms, moving against me, we moved as one until I was backed up to the wall. He took the game from my hands, holding it up.
> 
> He was shaking his head as he talked low. "You really don't need help with this... do you..."
> 
> Tossing the game to my bed. I couldn't even speak, I just shook my head.

**

I knew everything on my computer was safe. My mother didn't know my password and I changed it regularly, so his emails to me would be protected. My phone, however... that was different. I ended up turning on the security feature to lock opening it. Which I find to be extremely tedious, but at least this would conceal our communications to one another.

I set about cleaning the wine closet, which is what I was doing when she got back home. Their lunch date had gone well, she said he couldn't stop talking about me and how excited he was to be moving in.

She was happy that he wasn't turned off over the fact that she had an introverted teenager. She didn't say that, but... come on. Dating and finding prospective mates would be much easier, if one didn't have to worry about them accepting and being good to your child/teen... whatever. It complicates things. I could understand that, even then.

What she didn't know, and what I hadn't found out yet, but was still real curious about, was the possibility that I was part of the reason he was involved at all. Or was I just a perk? I was interested over what she had told him about me while they had dated, _before_ he met me. If I only could've been a fly on the wall.

The fact that my aunt was so pleased that her life seemed to be moving forward again.

I was mixed about that as well. Like life wasn't going on before him? But when I thought about that, it really wasn't. We were both kind of existing. I had no life and neither did she, we just did it separately. I, in my room plugged in, and her alone and lonely. _Big sigh_ Was this better?

Luc was a catalyst.

My chest was tight, I needed a drink. This was my new soother. I didn't really _want_ to drink, but it was the only way I could function without feeling what I was feeling. Just the bad stuff. The stuff that should've been my warning bell. But I was too young, too naive and way too far gone over him to recognize it for what it really was. Right then, it was in the way and needed to be numbed out.

I also wasn't happy about the fact that my aunt was coming tomorrow. She was very observant. And there was only one Luc. Not enough to distract both of them, not the way that he did my mother. He wouldn't be able to sneak into a room and be alone with me, not the way he did the other night when he'd been over.

That almost made me angry. I could tolerate his time with my mother... she was my mother, he was supposed to be with her. I also know how sick that just sounded. But that's how I felt at the time. My mind was rationalizing all of it for me. My built-in security system. So I wouldn't be jealous of her. Yet.

I didn't like the fact that my aunt was going to be getting in the way of the only time I would get with him until he moved in. I'd had to wait two whole days! And even though it had gone by quickly, I didn't want to share him. I was getting greedy. And things were progressing so nicely, so fast... I was ready. I was ready to be with him. That also meant I would have to chill on the drinking. Or she would notice that too.

I went to my room, guzzled a glass of wine and then brushed my teeth.

**

I got up early, I hadn't slept well anyway. I was too excited. We had decided to make it casual, even with that, I had agonized over what I would wear. Finally choosing the best pair of jeans I owned and a long sleeved, button down, black shirt that was soft and worn. I would be wearing my hair pulled back as he had requested, and therefore wanted a bit of a collar on my shirt. I wasn't really used to wearing it back, but I would do it for him.

I had shaved, which makes me laugh. Even today, I am a hairless fucking wonder! I can't grow a decent moustache or anything to save my life. Well, I can grow some fine, patchy hair on my upper lip, that makes me look like I'm twelve again. Sparse hairs here and there. Even the hair on my body is super fine, basically really soft. Hardly any leg hair. Of course, after going through numerous visits of laser treatment for hair removal I'm no longer having to pay to have it ripped out at the Spa on a regular basis. Definitely a money saver in the long run.

But I firmly believe that this has to be the reason I love hairy men. Yum! Hair envy? But, anyway, I shaved. I'd rather be smooth and hair-free, than have that. So I did, then I showered and blew my hair dry, tying it back with a black tie.

He would be there at noon, he was helping my mother prepare my second favorite. Coq Au Vin. Yum again! My first favorite is actually Ratatouille. I know... laugh it up. It's also one of my favorite movies too. But my aunt preferred chicken, so we settled for my second. Desert would be chocolate mousse. I'm not hard to please.

My aunt arrived first and was in the kitchen helping my mother with the mousse. She was like an older version of my mother. Small in frame, streaks of white ran through the dark brown of her hair, which was pulled back loosely at her neck. A few more wrinkles here and there, but still very pretty in my eyes. She was still often approached, even at her age. But her stern manner, I think, steered most of her admirers away. She had a harder edge to her than my mother did. And it showed.

I'd felt it alright to sneak one glass, that wouldn't be too much. Besides, my aunt had already poured me a glass to sip on before dinner. She winked at me, and just smiled at my mother's scowl. Telling her that I was almost a man, for goodness sakes! Besides, it was my birthday celebration, and an extra glass of wine wasn't going to kill me.

I still needed to take it easy, I couldn't get so comfortable that I forgot we weren't alone. I had to watch my every move, every look... expression. It was going to be really hard.

They talked about him, and I listened. Trying to act nonchalant, like I wasn't hanging on their every word.

"So, tell me again, when is he moving in?" They stood together at the counter, whisks in hand.

"Friday, that's why we're having the celebration today."

My aunt looked at her with an eyebrow arched. "He couldn't wait a day?"

She made this noise in her throat of disapproval that she always did and continued whisking. I was Liane's baby as well, she'd always been overprotective of me, especially after my mother had spilled the beans about my father's harsh treatment towards me. Which my mother had kept hidden until we moved back.

My mother let out a sigh, "I didn't want him to wait, Liane. He's staying in a hotel, it's getting expensive for him."

Now came the look.

My aunt had perfected this look, and I think everyone knows the look which I speak of. My mother kept whisking, completely ignoring my aunt's definite disapproval. I just sat at the table, sipping my wine and becoming more engrossed by the second. I was finding out about him. Now I wanted to hear everything!

My aunt literally stopped everything. She stared at my mother, and I could tell by the look, she wasn't feeling bad for him for being in a hotel. She was concerned as to why. Why all the rush?

"Why is he in a hotel, Mona?!"

Now, my mother's name is Monique, but my aunt called her Mona, she had since birth. Just to irritate my grandmother, it stuck.

My mother stopped, "He's in a hotel, because he had a falling out with his roommate and moved out. He's paying for storage and a hotel. Now, can we not ruin the mousse, please?"

I hadn't seen my mother this frustrated since my father had been alive. I could tell she didn't want to talk about this, but my aunt just kept pushing the issue.

My aunt's mouth was literally agape, her eyes wide. She looked at my mother in shock. "Damn the mousse! A roommate?! What kind of roommate?! When did they have this falling out?! As soon as he met you I bet!"

Voices were raising. I just kept sipping... glued. It was evident that she had been keeping things from my aunt, again. Why? Should have been the question in my mind. But all I could think about right then, was the roommate.

My mother was whisking like her life depended on it. Concentrating so hard on what her hands were doing. "It was a man! Just friends. It's not what you think Liane!"

Oh God! He'd been living with a man! I knew exactly what that meant! They definitely weren't just roommates. He had been living with another guy. I kept watching and listening, trying to hide my own panic.

My aunt made the noise again, picking up her whisk. "Is that supposed to be a consolation? That it was a man?! That makes no difference, Mona, and you know it! He could be telling you anything... " She gasped, a thought had evidently come to mind, dropping her whisk again. "Please tell me, that you didn't tell him about your money!"

That was it! The shit had just hit the fan. My mother's face turned red, I hadn't seen her this angry in years. She had instantly stiffened up as soon as my aunt's words came out. She turned, facing my aunt.

"I _did_ tell him Liane! I will not start a relationship in dishonesty!" Wiping her hand across her brow, in attempt to get her hair out of her eyes, she managed to smear mousse across her forehead. Now even more upset, I could see her eyes welling up.

This is where I got it from... I'm like her.

"Well! That doesn't mean that _he_ is starting one out in honesty! Not everyone is like you, Mona! And now he knows where his bread is buttered!" She was pointing her whisk at my mother, mousse dripping off from it onto the floor. I was frozen. Watching.

Even with tears now making their way down my mother's face, my aunt carried on. "He knows that you don't have to work, he knows about Edmond's inheritance as well, I take it?! Or did you leave that part out? Probably not!" 

She was literally yelling, "And he's younger than you! You told me that he had a good job!"

My mother was sobbing, trying to yell back at her through the tears. "He does! He does have a good job!"

I was standing now, inching toward them. It was getting out of hand, I couldn't stand seeing my mother cry.

"If that's the case, Mona! Why did he need a roommate?! "

"Stop it!" I yelled at them, about in tears myself. They both looked at me, shocked.

The bell rang.

Everything stopped. They froze, not a sound was made.

I stood, looking at them. My mother turned and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door! I knew she'd be stifling her sobs, then trying to calm down so she'd look okay. My aunt bent down with a rag, wiping up the mess on the floor. Then turned to the counter, she grabbed her wine glass and downed it.

I about crapped. I couldn't believe all this!

The bell rang again. She began whisking and spoke to me over her shoulder, "Go let him in Edmond... "

I ran to the door, whipping it open! He stood there with a leery look on his face. His arms were loaded with bags. I was trying so hard to put on a happy face, but I couldn't. I was happy to see him, partly out of relief and partly from missing him. I moved aside, so he could come in. His eyes never left my face, he remained completely silent. He knew I was upset and he could more than likely feel the tension in the air. He also probably heard us yelling through the door.

I took two of the bags and set them on the table as he unloaded the other two. Taking off his jacket, he handed it to me. We heard my aunt knock softly on the bathroom door, talking low to my mother. The door opened and shut. She had gone in to talk to her... calm her down, apologize.

I turned and walked to the closet, again, he followed me in. But this time, it was different. He took the jacket out of my hands, letting it drop to the floor. He had a concerned look on his face, talking low. "What's the matter? What's wrong?"

I instantly walked into his arms, wrapping mine around him, putting my face into his chest. I already felt better. He held me while I talked against his chest. "They're fighting... "

He pulled me away, just enough to see my face. "Over what, Edmond?" I think he already suspected, but right then, I was blind to it.

I took a deep breath, I didn't even want to look at him, I couldn't say it. I was so terrified that this would ruin everything. He took hold of my chin and gently lifted my face so we could look into each other's eyes. "Over you... "

I fought so hard not to cry. But tears ended up sliding down my face anyway. He watched me, taking his thumbs and wiping them up. Before he could say anything, I spit out, "It's just... it's my aunt, she's just being her... she worries over everything."

He caressed my face and snuggled in closer to me. He was whispering, "What is she worried about?"

I looked into his eyes. My face had to be pleading silently for me. "She doesn't want my mother to get hurt... it's more to do with my father than anything." That was a lie and I knew it. But at that point, I was willing to say anything to make him stay.

He knew exactly what to do to control me, to ease my mind and make me forget what was going on. By wrapping one hand around my heart and the other around my cock. Figuratively speaking on the first one... of course, kind of on the second, until later.

Very quietly, "I'm not going to hurt anyone. You don't need to worry, Edmond." He lowered his face to mine and kissed me lightly on the lips. I instantly turned into a rag doll, right then. He knew I couldn't handle a lot, not yet. I still had to be able to function.

He pulled away, whispering. "We will have our time later, alright?" He bent down and kissed me on the forehead. "Let's go smooth things over with the women." He smiled at me, I just nodded and followed him out.

We walked over, grabbed the bags and went into the kitchen. Moving the bowls for the mousse, that I wasn't sure would survive or not, aside. We unloaded the things he'd brought to finish the main course, and started getting them ready so we could cook. They were still in the bathroom.

There was one bag he'd kept separate. I kept eyeing it, while we got pots and pans out. He saw me and smiled, going over to it and opening it. He pulled out a dish, opening it up. The most glorious smell wafted out, he had marinated the chicken over night. It wasn't going to take anytime at all now.

"The rest is your present... you can have it later." He lowered his voice, "If you're good, Edmond." A sly smile graced his full lips, showing his perfect teeth.

I knew I had turned red, my face spread into a huge smile. I looked down at the counter, whispering low. "You know I will be... "

He just shook his head, laughing. "Oh my goodness... let's cook."

Letting out a sigh, he took another container from the bistro I love, out of the bag and put it in the fridge. Then rolled it up and gave it to me, leaning down to talk in my ear. "Go put that in your room... no peeking... quick!"

I dashed into my room and slid it under my bed as far as I could reach!

I came back out, completely beaming. So was he. We stood side by side, cooking bacon, getting a salad prepared, getting things into the dutch oven.

"What's that from the Bistro?" I poured him a glass of wine and topped mine off.

"Another present for you... " He smiled, cooking and sipping on his wine. "For later."

"Huh! Is everything for later?" He nudged me with his elbow, as we heard the bathroom door open.

I just kept cooking, like nothing was wrong. My mother would later tell me, that seeing us standing at the counter together, made her feel like everything would be alright. I was usually her temperature gauge. If I was okay with something, it was okay.

I let her take my place beside him, while I got the salad on the table, along with baguettes and some herbed goat cheese. Aunt Liane brought the bowls for the mousse over to the table and finished that up, so it could chill for later while I sliced the bread. 

She just kept looking at me, like she expected something. I acted calm and sipped my wine. When I looked at them together, it was sparingly. But when I did, I smiled. I wasn't going to give her any reason to doubt.

The whole rest of the day, my aunt watched him like a hawk, and he just acted calm as could be. He was the perfect gentleman. He knew that she was questioning his motives, his past... everything. After everyone had finished desert, and was having coffee, he got up and went to the closet, leaving the rest of us to wonder what was he was up to. After a few minutes, he came back, holding onto something.

He sat down by me, "This is for you, Edmond. Happy Birthday."

Handing it to me, it took me a moment looking at it for it to even register. 'Elder Scrolls V - Skyrim, for Windows PC'. My eyes about bugged out! The game had just come out, I had been hearing about it from my friends. I had wanted this so bad! I couldn't believe it!

It took everything I had not to grab him and hug him! I refrained and smiled ear to ear, thanking him. My mother was watching, smiling. She knew how badly I had wanted it. So _this_ was what she had told him that I'd wanted.

He looked at her, "Is it alright if I help him with the download... make sure it works?"

She nodded, she was beaming, and so happy for me. Again... he was taking an interest. And now, she could rub Aunt Liane's nose in it! Things were good, and now came my time... our time.

Clutching the game in my hands, I followed him to my room. The tension in my stomach and groin, growing with every step. We were going to be alone, and he knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted. I couldn't wait.

He shut the door quietly, making sure it latched. Then he turned to me, his eyes getting heavy as he walked slowly toward me. All I could do was breathe and watch him as he got closer. Putting his hands on my arms, moving against me, we moved as one until I was backed up to the wall. He took the game from my hands, holding it up. He was shaking his head as he talked low. "You really don't need help with this... do you?"

Tossing the game to my bed. I couldn't even talk, I just shook my head. Looking at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, as much for support as just to touch him. His body pressed into mine, just being able to feel him like this was amazing.

I could feel through his jeans that he was just as hard as I was. He reached up, pulling the tie from my hair. Both of his hands threaded through my hair, holding onto my head. Both of us breathing heavy. The chemistry between us was absolutely off the fucking chart!

He brushed his mouth against mine, rubbing it against my lips like he just wanted to feel me. Moving his mouth to my ear, he whispered low. "I want you so bad, Edmond... but we have to be so, so careful."

Still holding my head, he breathed against my ear, running his tongue all up and down it while he started a slow grind against my crotch. My mouth hung slack, I couldn't open my fucking eyes. It was like he had sucked every ounce of my strength and will out with just his touch... his presence. He was like a fucking drug.

One hand went to my throat, holding my head in place, the other going down to my ass and squeezing, pushing me harder into him. I began to moan and he covered my mouth with his. I was his to command. The taste of his mouth, his tongue, moving against mine. The feel of his lips.

He backed away, just enough to speak against my mouth. "Ssshhhh.... we have to be quiet."

He was breathing so heavy. He pulled me from the wall and laid me on the rug in front of my bed, getting on top of me. I swear to God, I couldn't have moved myself. I was limp. Everywhere except there. He was between my legs, grinding his cock against mine through our layers while he held my head, looking into my face. I wrapped my legs around his ass and held onto him. All I could do was pant, I couldn't even look at him. I wanted to moan and cry out, he felt so fucking good!

He watched me, whispering to me. The heat of his breath fluttered over my face, still sweet from the wine he'd had. "You are so fine, Edmond... so very fine."

Bending down, taking my bottom lip in his teeth. I was going to cum, I couldn't hold back! He could tell. My hips started bucking against his. I opened my mouth wider, my face pulling into a silent cry. He crashed his mouth down onto mine, stifling any noise I might make, grabbing my hips he held me hard against him! I shot off in my pants, instantly feeling the warm wetness.

I finally opened my eyes and looked at him through my heavy lids. Laying his forehead against mine, he raised his hips enough to slide his hand between us and undid my jeans. He pulled my shirt out of the way and caressed my stomach. My breathing sped back up, and I closed my eyes.

"No, open... I want to look at you."

I forced my eyes open, just enough. Slowly, he slid his hand into my briefs, running his fingers through the mess around my still hard cock. I was panting against his mouth, trying so hard to keep quiet! I pushed out quiet words, "I can't... Luc... I can't... "

He kissed me and shushed me against my mouth. Bringing his hand up out of my pants, up to my face. Letting me see my semen all over his hand, he looked into my eyes and stuck the fingers into his mouth, licking them clean. Licking his lips, he smiled. "The icing on the cake... "

I was in complete awe of him! He was perfect... he was beautiful.

We unwrapped from each other, I wanted to touch him so bad, to see him. But, he wouldn't let me do anything to relieve him, saying it would wait for another time. He stood, and taking my hands, pulled me to my feet and held me... just held me.

This... how I felt, right then. God, I can't even describe, there are no words. This was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me, ever, in my entire life!

That was it. I was his. Hook, line and sinker.

He opened a window in attempt to get the smell of sex out of my room. We went into the bathroom and cleaned up, trying to make ourselves look presentable. It wasn't going to work for me. I was a frazzled fucking mess. He just looked at me and laughed.

I turned on my computer and got the disc started, just in case. Even after him getting me off, I was still geeked over the game.

He took my hand, pulling me close. "I want to see you open your other presents before I have to leave."

Just hearing him say that, pain shot through my chest, clenching it up. Working to control my expression so he wouldn't know how I felt, I pushed it back. I needed to act adult, I wanted him to know that I could handle this!

I got down onto my knees and pulled the bag out from under my bed. Getting back up, I set it on the bed and we both sat down. He watched me as I opened it, pulling out a bottle of wine, I laughed. I could feel my face turn red and heat up. It was good wine, too. Not cheap.

He rubbed my leg, smiling at me. "Not too much, okay? No more hangovers."

Looking back into the bag, there was another smaller bag. I pulled it out, it was from the druggist. I looked at him as my face wrinkled in question. The look on his face grew more serious as I opened it. As soon as I saw what it was, a river of emotion rushed through me! Pulling out a box of condoms and two boxes containing lubricant. I looked at him. "For us?"

He nodded, moving closer. "For us."

He pulled me closer and kissed me. Standing again, he pulled me up. "Put those someplace private... okay? Somewhere your mother won't find them. I'll tell them that you've retired for the night to play your game."

Pulling me into an embrace, he spoke against my head. "Get something comfortable on, and relax. I'll be here permanently in a few more days, alright?"

"I'll text or write when I can. Goodnight, Edmond." He bent down, kissing me gently on the mouth, then left, closing the door behind him.

I threw on some sweats and unlocked my desk drawer that held my oil, I put the condoms and lubricant inside, looking at them like they were made of fucking gold.

They might as well have been. I knew what they meant.


	11. In The Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything in me, wanted to get to my feet and put my face to the door. But if she decided to just barge in, I knew that would look suspicious. So I sat there... and listened.
> 
> "Liane... can I help you?"
> 
> Holy Shit! That was probably _not_ the right thing to say to her! I heard him take a step, like he was moving in front of her. I sat there, completely stunned.
> 
> Again, I didn't hear her yet, I only heard him.
> 
> "Is there a problem, Liane?!" He said it more sternly, but still not offensive. I couldn't believe that he was already throwing his weight around, and he hadn't even moved in yet!

**

That night, I got a good glimpse into just what my aunt was going to become. A problem. A huge one!

Thank God that I had gotten the download for the game started, because no sooner than he left the room, she was on him. I sat at my computer, turning the key to lock my private drawer and I could hear them talking. She had evidently been in the hallway when he left the room.

She had to have been walking towards my door when he had walked out. I know she couldn't have been standing at it. Of course, I was so preoccupied with my birthday gifts, that I hadn't really been paying attention to the door. Knowing her, if she could've been at the door listening, she would've been. That's exactly how it was going to get too.

From what I was hearing right now, it sounded like he was keeping her, or should I say, attempting to keep her from coming in and bothering me. It wasn't a very pleasant conversation either. I was starting to wonder again, where my mother was? And why she wasn't interjecting?

Everything in me, wanted to get to my feet and put my face to the door. But if she decided to just barge in, I knew that would look suspicious. So I sat there and listened.

"Liane... can I help you?"

Holy Shit! That was probably _not_ the right thing to say to her! I heard him take a step, like he was moving in front of her. I sat there, completely stunned. Again, I didn't hear her yet, I heard him.

"Is there a problem, Liane?!"

He said it more sternly, still not offensive, but he had a natural authoritative way about him. I couldn't believe that he was already throwing his weight around, and he hadn't even moved in yet. But I was so thankful that he was. I could only imagine the look he was getting! It had to be like facing down Medusa!

"I'd like to see my nephew, Luc!" She practically spit the words out at him, saying his name like it was a curse word.

Now, I was at the door.

"He's getting changed, Liane, give the boy his privacy!"

I was torn between excitement and fear! Holding my hands up to cover my mouth. Everything in me wanted to laugh. No one, and I mean _no one,_ had ever gotten in my aunt's way. And _no one_ argued with her. Especially where I was concerned.

I literally heard her gasp, I wanted to see her face so bad! "Why is he changing?!"

Oh God! Did she suspect?

Now steps were being taken. I stepped back away from my door, just a little and swallowed. I actually heard him stop in front of my door. I was starting to think that there was going to be a throw down, right there in the fucking hallway!

What I heard next, shocked the shit out of me!

"Does it matter why?! He needs his privacy!" I could just imagine them, being in each other's faces... nose to nose.

"He's been babied enough! He needs a man around... and things are going to change around here, Liane!"

He said her name just like she'd said his. Like it was something dirty and he had to get it out of his mouth. The more he stood up for me, the more he stood against her, the more I admired him. The farther I fell. My knight!

My hands were covering my gaping mouth, my eyes had to be taking up most of my face. She was yelling! "You don't live here yet! Now move, so I can see him!"

I opened the door. Both of them were right there. I swear the look on her face said that she was about to hit him. Things would've gotten physical, at least on her part. I don't think he would've hit her, but he may have definitely restrained her. I could tell that he was pissed. His whole face was red and set in a look... a look that I don't think I wanted to ever see on him again. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to be the case.

I stood there in just sweats. No underwear, no shirt, hair down and still somewhat disheveled from our little tryst. I had no idea if I was still all flushed. God, I had been so red by the time we were done. My whole face, ears, neck and chest. The exact reason we had decided it best that I remain in my room. He seemed to recover faster than me, I think just another sign of our age and experience difference? So he was able to pull it off.

But, I hadn't looked at myself since we'd left the bathroom. At least my erection was gone. A good argument tends to do that. I just focused on her. "What is going on?"

She looked at me, all over. Like, for a few minutes, looked at me. I could tell that she knew something was up. She wasn't stupid. She was very intuitive and very suspicious. She was also going on sixty, and you don't live that long and not know what the hell is going on unless you're a total dumbass! Which she wasn't.

Then I noticed my mother, standing at the end of the hallway, watching. I actually think that this was a little liberating for my mother. Not just up till this point, but entirely. My aunt could be very controlling.

Luc backed away from the door and held up a hand, gesturing at the entrance sarcastically. Like, _Go ahead!_ I could see her eyes, taking in my room behind me. The open window.

She pursed her lips up, "Put on a shirt, you're indecent!"

Now, I was pissed! "That's what I was doing!" I gestured at him. "I told him I was going to change. That's why he didn't want you coming in!" I could hear my mother coming up to the door.

Before I turned to grab a t-shirt, I could see Luc give my mother a look and shake his head. Like, _What the fuck?! Really?_

I pulled the shirt over my head and went to close the window, hearing my aunt enter the room. As soon as I had it shut I turned.

"Isn't it a little cold to have a window open, Edmond?"

I crossed my arms, looking at my mother and Luc, standing in the doorway to my room. "I was getting warm, besides... cold air is better for the computer." Now, I was just throwing things out there. Looking at him, he was fighting a smile. The corners of his lips twitching.

"Don't you think it's a bit rude to stay in here when you have guests?"

Now his pissed off look was back. My mother, on the other hand, still hadn't found her backbone. She stayed silent, while her older sister took charge... in _her_ home, with _her_ son. And I could feel a panic attack coming on. I could feel the tears coming. My chest was clenching up, I could feel the heat coming off my face. "I'm tired... "

If I said everything I wanted to say, she would've never come back. At that time, I wouldn't have thought that a bad thing. She was a bully, just like my father! It didn't matter to me that she was doing it for all the right reasons. Because she didn't want us to get hurt. What mattered to me, was the fact that I was tired of her making my mother cry. And I was tired of her talking against him!

I had taken too much! She was invading my space, my privacy. Not only that! She was now getting in the way of something that was swiftly becoming my lifeblood. I wouldn't allow her to jeopardize things with Luc. I wouldn't allow it!

That wasn't my only worry. If she continued... I was going to cry. And I didn't want him to look at me as a child. That he would feel it was too much trouble. That _I_ was too much trouble. That all the turmoil wouldn't be worth it, or that maybe I couldn't handle it.

I took a deep breath and before I could speak, before I could open my mouth and let out everything that would've possibly ruined it all. My mother came up from behind her. "Liane... he's had enough. Let him be!"

She turned on my mother, her face livid! My mother, it seems, had finally found her backbone. I couldn't believe it! Luc was just standing there, behind my mother... smiling. Even though it was sexy as hell, it was a devilish smile. My aunt looked past my mother, right at him, and if looks could kill... oh my God, he would be dead.

My aunt started to speak and my mother actually raised her finger at her, silencing her. "If you don't stop, Liane..." My aunt walked out of the room mid-sentence, just walked out.

My mother ran out after her, talking to her the whole way. He just stood there, still sporting that wicked smile. Like he'd won the match. I take that back, like _we'd_ won the match. Slowly, he shut the door and leaned back against it.

I walked up to him, leaning into his chest, letting out a deep breath of relief. "Thank you..." 

His arms came up around me, rubbing over my back and arms softly. He kissed the top of my head, moving me away slightly. Looking down at my face, whispering. "We'll have to be careful around her, Ed."

We could hear them both, the front door opened. My aunt was leaving. "I know, I just... " I tried to look away, and he actually grabbed my head in both hands! To the point that it was uncomfortable. Not painful, but it shocked me. A concerned look was on his face, a nervous look. "No second thoughts, Edmond... right?"

That blew me the fuck away! That's exactly what I was afraid of with _him!_ Afraid that he was going to freak out over all the stress that she was creating. I was so taken aback, my mouth hung open, my eyes huge, just staring at him. "No... I... I was afraid she would make you... not want to be here. I would never... _I want you!"_

I didn't really have any idea at the time, just how desperate I had sounded just then. Now that I recall that whole day, after I'd said what I did. The expression on his face completely changed. He needed me to be desperate. He _needed_ me, to need him.

He relaxed his hold, "You don't have to worry... not about me." He bent down, giving me a quick, light kiss. I could tell he knew he needed to open the door. He needed to go out there. Be with her, help her through it.

So, I did the adult thing and backed out of our embrace. I didn't want to make it any harder on him. I smiled up at him, "I'll see you Friday."

He smiled back, "I'll text you later. Goodnight, Edmond." He walked out, closing my door behind him.

This whole thing, I was starting to see how it was going to be stressful for us both. I could only hope that it wouldn't end up ruining things. All that did was put more pressure on me. I couldn't lose him!

My head was absolutely spinning from all the shit that had just taken place. The thing I kept going back to, was how he had grabbed my head, forcing me to look at him. And the look that had been on his face. I couldn't get over it. And the way he had smiled at my aunt. He was so bold. He had just gotten his foot in the fucking door too, and already he was showing his strength. It scared me a little. But it excited me even more. I _wanted_ him to have control of me. Deep down, I yearned for it.

I locked my door, sat down at the computer and poured myself a glass of wine.


	12. Reality Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As far as I was concerned... condoms and lube, meant relationship! That's what those meant!
> 
> My mind... my heart, they were already cruising past the fact, that I was going to have to see them together. That _they_ were actually going to have a relationship and that _I_ was going to have to witness it while I was falling for him. Being his secret little fuck friend on the side.

_I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity..._

~ Edgar Allan Poe

**

Friday couldn't come fast enough.

After the little ordeal with my beloved aunt, I was ready for another drink. He, of course, had played the chivalrous boyfriend and ran out after my mother, who had ran out after my aunt. Who had basically ruined my perfect day.

My aunt left, squealing tires, the whole bit. She peeled out. I sat in the bedroom, both hands covering my mouth while I laughed. I'm sorry, but _I hate,_ absolutely fucking hate drama! Not all drama, just the stupid shit. Which pretty much means most of it. That may sound mean and I feel a little evil just for saying it, but I wasn't appreciative of her at the time. Later on, when it was too late, I would be. Isn't that how it always goes though?

They stayed out in the living room afterwards, my mother crying, going on about her overbearing older sister and how she meant well. He, on the other hand, was firm. I actually got up and pressed myself up against the door to listen. This was becoming a habit lately too. But I wanted to hear what he had to say, how he felt about it all.

Most of all, I wanted to hear how he dealt with my mother. A little bit of insight into what things would be like. Right then, I was excited. I felt like I had some untouchable power, almost like being the teacher's pet. Well, I was going to be in for a fucking shock. I just didn't know it yet.

He told her that if he was going to be living there, and if they were going to be a couple, that she couldn't be running the household. (My Aunt) 

He wasn't going to have it! That he and I were getting along. That he knew I needed a role model, a father figure after all these years. He knew what I needed. Her sister would just have to back off! He wasn't going to tell her that she couldn't have a relationship with her only remaining family, but if they were getting married...

That's where my mind just fucking shut down.

I literally went down onto my knees. I felt sick to my stomach and began to cry. No lie... I literally crawled to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet. My head was spinning, I couldn't get enough air, I was going to have an attack and I couldn't run to mama. I had to deal all by myself. Talk about a lot of shit going down in one night.

I said it, didn't I ? He was a catalyst. Things were only getting started.

First, how had this fucking happened!? How in the hell did we go from moving in, to getting married? When was _that_ going to be brought up? I realized that him telling her and my aunt both, that I needed a father figure, was his way of paving a road that would give he and I some room to move in. But marriage? What the fuck?!

As far as I was concerned... condoms and lube, meant relationship! That's what those meant!

My mind... my heart, they were already cruising past the fact that I was going to have to see them together. That _they_ were actually going to have a relationship, and that _I_ was going to have to witness it, while I was falling for him. Being his secret little fuck friend on the side!

I was cruising right by it, because deep down I already couldn't handle looking at it right in the eye! But marriage? That meant rings... ceremony... I was going to pass out!

I was hyperventilating, holding onto the ice cold bowl for dear life! Tears running down my face. If either of them had walked in right at that moment, God! I was already feeling like the jilted lover and I had barely gotten around to being the lover. That part of it was just starting.

What he had given me, not the game, as cool as that was and all. What had just happened between us and what he'd given me. It had all blown me away! It made me feel like the most important thing on the fucking planet!

Well folks, the reality train had just pulled into the goddamn station. I wasn't the most important thing. I was the party on the side. _On the side!_

I felt like my heart was going to cave in. Literally. I just couldn't comprehend it. I didn't care about the fact that she was getting married. She was marrying _him!_

Anyone reading this, ever fought over someone? or fought _for_ someone? That was cheating or whatever. Someone that was slipping away from you and moving toward someone else?

I never in my life, thought that I would be the person to do that. That I could love someone... that someone could mean enough to me, that I would actually do that! That I would become almost aggressive toward someone else, because of them. Just being jealous was an understatement.

Forget for a moment that she's my mother. I want you all to imagine, that the most important love interest of your life, is moving in. And he's going to be going between you and someone else. And you have to see it, you have to hear it, and you can't say a word about it.

This lover, coming to you... making love to you, telling you how much you mean to them, and then going into the next room and laying down next to someone else. They're not leaving and going home, they're going into the very next room. To be with _them!_ How could you live and not eventually hate that person? How could you not look at them as the enemy?

The funny thing is; who's really the enemy? Somewhere along the line, that gets lost when we're dealing with the heart, doesn't it?

Now here's where the real stress comes in. And let's put this into perspective, because this person that I just described, she's my mother. And believe it or not, the more I felt for him, the more I needed what he gave me, she was looking more and more like competition. The enemy.

I know... say it! I'm a rotten, sick asshole! I know there are people thinking it... saying it even. But the more involved with him I became, the more I would feel this way. Massive separation was taking place. Not just between me and my mother either. I felt like I was being separated from my soul. Like I was signing it over. Willingly... gladly. _That_ was how he made me feel. I would've done anything for him.

And I did.

What I was concerned over right then, as I climbed from the floor and into my shower, was how I already felt like I was dying inside. I was being betrayed. 

I turned on the shower and sat on the floor of it, letting the hot water run over me while I cried and tried to wrap my head around this fucked up, hopeless, situation. How did he think that this was going to work out? What had he been thinking?

Let me tell you another thing. Maybe I should say... let me ask.

How many of you or maybe someone you know, have been so gone over someone, that you just lose yourself. You allow them to do things to you, that you couldn't have ever imagined letting someone do. Not only that, how many of you have been so affected by said person, that you would do things _for them_... over them... that you never thought yourself capable of?

And this person, this person isn't affected at all. They just sit back and control everything, they pull the strings. Holding your heart in one hand... your cock in another.

While your life, and everything you ever cared about, go down the fucking toilet! They stir the pot and just stand back and watch.

Thinking back on it, our first fight was over her. Almost every single fight we ever had... was over her.

Let me ask one more thing. How many days had he actually been in my life? And look at what was already happening, how I was being affected by it.

This... this was nothing.


	13. Silence So Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to focus on the game. What I needed was a pick me up, not a downer. I turned my phone off, I didn't even look at it. As soon as I pulled up my email, I got out of it. There were at least five emails from him. I didn't look at the times. I didn't look at any of it. I didn't want to think about it.
> 
> And that was my de-stressor. Avoidance and denial.
> 
> Works wonders.

**

Ok... now pretty much, that night; the rest of it anyway, was completely wrecked. It was over.

I finally pulled myself together and got out of the shower, drank a couple more glasses of wine and got into bed. My happy thoughts from our little tryst were long gone. Now all I could think about, was what I'd heard and how I would cope around them. At least until they decided to spill the beans over this huge decision, that would ultimately affect _me_ in the worst way.

It was making me question everything, and that in-itself, was tearing me up inside. I had _so_ wanted to play the game, and I would eventually. But if I had that night, I wouldn't have enjoyed it. And to be quite honest, it was the last thing on my mind.

The buzzing of my phone woke me. It was around midnight. I'd been asleep for a couple of hours when my phone went off. I squinted at the bright screen, trying to focus and read it.

_'Did you ever play your game? Or was that ruined for you?'_

How intuitive of him. I was ticked! He was keeping things from me and I was pissed! I was also hurt, but my inner self-defense mechanism, wouldn't allow me to register that yet. For a moment, anyway.

_'It was ruined... too much drama. But, thank you.'_

_'Did I wake you?'_

_'Yes... but that's alright.'_ What I wanted to say, was some sarcastic shit about when they planned to tell me... didn't plan to tell me! But I didn't. I held off. Maybe that was a mistake, because me keeping it in just allowed it to build. Hind sight.

_'I'm sorry for all the drama. We need to talk... trying to do it like this is too hard.'_

_'Then call me.'_

_'I can't right now.'_

Right then, the feeling in my guts should've told me all I needed to know. But I was a stupid, naive kid! And I was so desperate for him. Because that feeling in my guts went right into my chest, surrounding my heart. I knew... _I knew_ he wasn't alone! Now, I felt the hurt. Not just the hurt, but absolute horrible, fucking panic!

Anyone who has found out they're being cheated on, lied to, knows this feeling. And this, let me tell you, was the first time I'd ever experienced this type of feeling. Did I have a right to? Yes and no. I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone. Of course, we all know it happens far too often, to way too many.

It's midnight, he's at a hotel, or he's supposed to be. At least, that's what we'd been told. Why the hell couldn't he call me?! He could text, but he couldn't fucking call? Its probably a good thing that he couldn't, for whatever reason! Because if he had called, I would've gotten loud, and then our cover would've been blown.

I couldn't breathe. I just kind of started panting. My mouth hung open, reading those words, and I didn't know what I should reply back with. I knew what I wanted to do probably wasn't the right thing.

That's wrong! What I wanted to do, was barrage him with a ton of direct questions! I wanted him to fess up! To be honest.

But, deep down, I knew that he wouldn't be. He would avoid and dodge the questions. He would lie.

He wasn't alone. He couldn't be. Right then, like the light bulb clicking on, I started wondering what he was doing emotionally to the individual that he was with? Did that person know about us? And about us; I mean, my mother and I. Because after all, this was a love triangle. Was it not? She just didn't know. Ignorance is bliss.

What would happen to said person, once he moved in? Thinking about that should've swayed me a little, but it didn't. Love is like heroin... addictive and deadly. You'll do anything to get that high, that fix.

_'Edmond... '_

I tried to snap myself out of it. If he couldn't talk, then he couldn't text. This, I thought, was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. Again... wrong.

_'Goodnight then.'_

My heart was killing me. I was already so far gone over him. Oh my God! It was too fucking late. I think even then, that I knew that. I clutched the phone to my chest with one hand, and covered my mouth with the other... and wept.

My phone vibrated, over and over. I didn't want to read it. I didn't want more lies, and that's all I would get. I knew it.

It stopped, and after awhile I fell asleep.

**

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of eggs, as usual. My eyes were almost swollen shut from all the crying I had done last night. I couldn't look at my phone yet, I wasn't ready for that. I could see the incessant blinking through the cracks of my eyelids. I took a deep breath and got up. Pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt, and walked into the bathroom. I looked like death warmed over. Oh well.

I splashed some cold water on my face and walked out to the kitchen. I also, did not want to deal with my mother. But that wasn't an option.

I grabbed two green tea bags and ran warm water into a cup, putting them in. Anyone who wants to get rid of puffiness, circles... whatever. This actually works. I learned it from my mother, after watching her do it tons of times while dealing with my father's bullshit.

I stuck it in the fridge to let them steep, letting the water cool slowly, and grabbed my plate. It was already made and in the microwave, waiting for me. Pouring some tea from the pot into a cup, as soon as I turned to go back into my room, she called my name.

I instantly stiffened. I didn't want to do this. I kept my back to her, standing at the counter. I started to eat, cramming toast into my mouth. Anything to keep from talking. I could hear her walking towards me.

"Edmond?"

She came right up to the counter and looked at me. I had my head tilted down, staring into my plate, my hair had fallen and was covering my face. I struggled to get a word out. "I... I don't feel good. I have a headache." Which, none of that was a lie.

She reached up, moving my hair with her hand. As soon as she saw my face, she gasped. She grabbed my face with both hands and turned me to her! "Edmond! What happened? What is wrong?!"

My eyes were so fucking swollen, and my face was still all ruddy from all the crying. After all, I must have cried till around one in the morning or so. I hadn't gotten a whole lot of sleep. My lips were starting to chafe. I looked like complete shit. But, I was starving. I needed food, and something to take the swelling down. I knew if I hadn't come out, that she would've eventually come in. So...

"I was upset last night... from all of Aunt Liane's... " I shook my head out of her grasp! Anger was setting in now. I was sick of feeling like a baby! Sick of being hurt and sad! Anger, another nice self-defenser. I blew out a breath. My mother stared at me in shock. I had always worshipped Liane.

"She ruined the whole night! She made you all upset! She put him down... " 

I could feel that dreaded heat, crawling up into my neck and face. The itchy tingling in your eyes and nose, right before you cry. As soon as I brought him up, all my own personal feelings that I couldn't share with her fought to come out! And I had to twist things around to build him up. I couldn't make her think that _he_ was the reason for my upset.

"He's great!!" Tears started rolling, my nose started running. "Then... she... " 

I looked away, pushing the plate away from me, furiously wiping at my face! "What she did... in my room! In front of him... "

My hands were shaking. I was a jittery mess. I turned, yanking open the fridge, grabbing the cup of tea that would slowly allow me to see again. I had to get away from her, I couldn't do this! There was so much inside of me that wanted to just bust out. But it wouldn't come out to her, it would come out with him.

I looked back down at the counter. Licking my dry lips, swallowing. "I'm sorry... I just.. I need some time. I need to be alone." I put everything onto a tray, I could feel her watching me. I took hold of the handles.

Slowly, she took my hands off the handles and pulled me into a hug. Right then, I felt like my heart.. my soul, was shattering. Everything I should've said... I didn't. I couldn't say _anything._ Because nothing that came out of my wretched mouth would've been true. If it had, everything I cared about, I was afraid I would lose. Not just him. I knew if the truth came out, my whole world was going to come crashing down. I was locked into this lie, and it was killing me.

How many times can I say that? It was killing me. Not enough.

But, I held onto her. I held onto her... and I cried. Why? Why did she have to choose him?! Why?

The pain that surrounded that thought, all the way around, was excruciating.

Could I have stopped it all right then? Maybe. Probably. She would've believed me, if I told her what he'd done the first night he'd come over for dinner. She would've backed out of the relationship in a heartbeat! But the damage it would've done to her emotionally, and what would've happened to our relationship because of it? That was another thing entirely.

She would always love me. But, I had lied. I had lied to cover things up. Because I had wanted it. Deep down, I had wanted what he was doing. I went along with it. The time to blow the whistle was long past. There was no way to bring it all out in the open, without revealing things. Things that would've implicated me. 

That was it right there. I would never be able to face her again. Our relationship would've never been the same.

I chose to keep her in the dark. I would bear the pain... the hurt, so she could be blissfully unaware. She would have the love that he was giving her, for as long as I could stand to put up the act. Keep it hidden. No matter what it cost me.

It was too late.

**

We released each other and I looked down, "I'll be alright. I just need to rest."

She rubbed my arm. I looked up at her, her face was wet. I struggled to give a bit of a smile, which was weak at best and walked into my bedroom. I sat on the bed, listening to her get around. I had no idea where she was going, but she was doing it in an awful hurry.

I took a deep breath, forcing down my food. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed the pain pills. My head was killing me. Too much crying.

I took out the tea bags and squeezed out most of the liquid, laying down on the bed, I placed one on each eye. After a little while, I started to feel a little better. Part of this, was definitely the cry I'd just had, even though nothing was really resolved. And the pain pills.

As swollen as my eyes were, it would take a few more times doing this until they looked anywhere near normal. All I could think about, was my blasted phone and the messages that I hadn't read. I let out another deep breath, moved the tea bags off my eyes and put them back in the cup. I could use them again later.

I got up and went to the computer, turning it on. I wanted to focus on the game. What I needed was a pick me up, not a downer. I turned my phone off. I didn't even look at it. As soon as I pulled up my email, I got out of it. There were at least five emails from him. I didn't look at the times. I didn't look at any of it. I didn't want to think about it.

And that was my de-stressor. Avoidance and denial.

Works wonders.

**

Okay. My first experience with Skyrim. I was riveted from the very beginning. I have to admit, I instantly took a liking to magic users. My very first character, was a High Elf. I tried to see myself as a muscled up Nord, wielding a mace or a battleaxe, and it just wasn't happening. At least not right then.

So, I made myself into a hot looking Mer. I found my weakness. To this day, whenever I do the Winterhold questline; I will slowly walk behind Ancano, up the steps to Savos' quarters. Just so I can take in that fine ass of his. Now only if I could get my character to reach out and grab a good handful.

Nothing against Nords... I would eventually play as one. The first time I played, I also sided with the Stormcloaks. No offense to Imperials or Empire sympathizers, but in the very beginning of the game, I have to admit that I felt bad for Ulfric. And, I was also a little pissed off that I was about to be killed, simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. So... I decided to try that route first.

It didn't take me long to see that no matter where you go, there is someone hot to look at. Literally! Whether you're gay or straight, the game is just filled with beautious wonders! And _NO!_ Sex is not all that I care about, nor do I look at everyone as a sexual object. But, come on! We can all appreciate something fine when we see it... can't we?

As soon as I walked into Whiterun, I absolutely fell in love with it. It will always be one of my favorite cities in the game, right next to Solstheim. And Balgruuf, is by far my most favorite Jarl. I also instantly fell head over heels for Farkas.

Oh my God! My character stood there like an idiot, ogling Farkas. I imagined him drooling. Holy shit! All I could envision, was him without all that on, what his package would fucking look like! I know... perv. But, hey... come on! HOT! He is just so, so fine! And that deep, smooth voice... the sexiest voice on all of Nirn! (laughs)

I think Vilkas is hot too, but at first, I was a bit offended by his harshness toward me. What can I say, also... my feelings were little hurt when we sparred and I had to go get a weapon that didn't have an enchantment on it. Sheesh!

Of course, that didn't mean that I still wouldn't have enjoyed some time alone with him. Then he could play rough all he wanted. Anyway.

By the time I got that far, it was early evening. Time had sped by, and I hadn't even noticed. That's the way it can be with a great game. And this was one of those that I wish I could just teleport into. Right then... and if I'm honest, numerous times since, I have wished it were a real place. Even with all the hostility and the harsh way of life. It was an escape.

I was in a much better mood. An escape for awhile. My mother knocked on my door, cracking it open she peeked her head in, smiling at me. I put the game on my inventory screen to pause for just a second, smelling something incredible. 

My mouth was watering and my stomach growling. I hadn't eaten since that morning. Basically, just getting up to pee and grab a soda or water here and there. Any gamer reading this knows what I'm talking about. Hello delivery!

Like I said... introvert.

She carried in the carton that he'd brought me from the Bistro. She'd nuked it for me. It was ratatouille... my favorite. I had forgotten all about it. 

Now a little bit of the upset was creeping back in. Just seeing the carton, the fact that he had gone to the trouble to get me something that I loved. That he remembered what my favorite was, and the fact that we couldn't have it because of my Aunt. Remembering our time together. Then, remembering everything else.

Fuck it! I was too hungry to care. It would all be there waiting for me after I ate, after the game. Knowing me, I'd end up asleep at the computer. I took it from her and dug in. She stood there for a moment, looking at me. She commented on my eyes, telling me they looked better. She didn't tell me where she went and I didn't ask. That was about it.

She could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk, so she gave my hair a quick stroke and left.

I really didn't think I looked right till the next day, which would piss me off a little very shortly. The fact that she knew and didn't tell me. Of course, in her defense, she didn't realize that I cared about what I looked like in front of him. So...

I ate, laid the empty container aside and poured a glass of wine. She'd made her nightly visit, I knew she wouldn't be back in, it was safe. I tilted the glass back, taking in a mouthful and swishing it around to clear my teeth of food and swallowed. 

The bottle he'd given me was almost gone already. I'd had two glasses last night, and another today. There would be maybe two left. Maybe. I didn't use tiny glasses.

I settled back in to play and not even a half hour later my door opened. I froze. My mother knocked, she didn't just open the door! It wasn't her.

I went into my inventory and sat back, staring at the screen. I wasn't ready to look at him. Not yet. He shut the door and locked it, leaning back against it to stare at me... silent.

Now, I was wishing I hadn't eaten. My stomach was in knots. My chest was tightening up. I eyed my glass of wine, wanting a drink, but at the same time not wanting to move.

"Are you ready to talk to me now? I've tried to contact you all day, Edmond."

I couldn't take this confrontation! I couldn't fucking take this guilt trip he was trying to put me on! When _he_ was the asshole!

I turned in my chair, forgetting that I was trying to ignore him. Seeing him shot my resolve to shit. He stood there, wearing tight ass, faded jeans and a tattered t-shirt that showed every muscle he had. His hair was mussed, he hadn't shaved.

His version of looking like shit, looked like he'd just stepped off the fucking runway.

While me... I wore the same sweats I wore the night he'd first met me. That was it. No shirt... no shoes... no service. My concept of combing my hair that day, was running my fingers through it, I hadn't showered. I had brushed my teeth tho! Wow! My eyes still didn't feel right, I'd checked the last time I went in to piss.

What the fuck did he see in me? I didn't get it. My nose was too long, the only thing it had going for it was the fact that it was straight. I had full lips on a wide set mouth. Too much of both! Nose and mouth. I was skinny, my hips and ass looked like a girls. I was hairless. My only decent feature were my eyes, and they were still swollen. I could barely function socially. Christ! What was there? He could've had anyone he wanted!

He looked at me, studying my face. "You've been crying... "

I swallowed and looked away, grabbing the wine glass, I took a long drink. "I was ready to talk last night... remember?"

He knelt down onto his knees and pushed my legs apart with his hands, easing in between them. I closed my eyes, keeping my face turned. Just his touch, what it was fucking doing to me. Every nerve in me instantly woke up. My breath caught in my throat. He took the wine glass from my hands and set it down. Probably to keep me from dropping it.

One hand instantly went to my throat, his other arm wrapped around me. His lips went to my chest, kissing me... his tongue tasting me. It was all I could do to just breathe.

He was distracting me. I knew that's what this was, because I stopped thinking, my hands had a mind of their own. Hell, my whole body... none of it, was under my control anymore! The master had arrived and snapped his fingers. That's all it took. I was his to command... his slave.

I had to feel him, touch him. I grabbed onto his shirt, clutching at him, just holding on. It was taking everything I had to be quiet, my mouth hung open... sucking in air. His mouth went to my nipple, sucking and biting at it. His whiskers tickling me. I arched into his mouth, pushing myself into him, one hand holding onto the one he had braced against my throat, like he was holding me in place. My other, wrapped around his head, my fingers tangled up in his hair!

I could already feel the wetness against my groin. All I had on were the sweats, no briefs. My cock was straining against the material, pushing against him as he leaned into me.

He moved lower, kissing and licking me. Then backed away, removing his hands and his warmth. Slowly, I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was flushed, his dark hair a real mess this time. His eyelids were still heavy with need, and he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

He reached into me and grabbed my hands and stood, pulling me to my feet with him. Walking backwards, he led us into the bathroom and closed the door. I wouldn't be able to be quiet and he knew it. Pushing me up against the door, his hands wrapped into my hair, his mouth came down onto mine.

All I could do was wrap myself around him... melt into him. He lowered his hands, sliding them down my sides to the waistband of my sweats. His shoulders pushed into me, my foundation. 

I held onto him for dear life. All of my strength was gone. Pushing my legs farther apart with his, I could feel my sweats come down over my hips. The waistband caught on my cock.

He broke away from my mouth, holding his forehead against mine... he watched me. Watched me struggle for air, struggle to open my fucking eyes just a crack.

Both of us, breathing into each other's faces... nose to nose, mouths barely an inch apart. His hands slid under my sweats, forcing them down farther. My cock sprung free, getting wedged between us. Grazing one hand across my hip, he grabbed a hold of one ass cheek and squeezed it roughly, digging his fingers in. I was panting, not being able to make a sound was torture. Soon I wouldn't be able to control it.

I opened my eyes, Luc was clenching his teeth, his breath being forced through them. His eyebrows gathered as his eyes bore into mine! The most exhilarating feeling went through me just seeing him like that. He looked animalistic... powerful. I knew he was holding back, trying not to overwhelm me... scare me.

Fuck! I wanted it! I wanted whatever he could do to me and more!

The hand squeezing my ass, immediately moved in between my cheeks. Holding his fingers against my hole, he started rubbing. His other hand, wrapped around my cock.

I whined out as low as I could keep it. _"Oh my God... "_

My eyes closed and Christ! What he was fucking doing to me. I was whimpering... fucking whimpering. I couldn't keep it together and he was getting rougher and rougher. Feeling his hand squeeze and stroke my cock. Just the fact that it wasn't my hand, it was his, was blowing me away. The sensations almost too much to bear.

His strong hands, wrapped around the most vulnerable parts of my body, having complete control over me. Everything he did screamed for me to submit, to open up to him. I wanted to be under him. I wanted him inside of me.

His mouth crushed down onto mine. His tongue forcing its way in. His shoulders keeping me pinned back, pushing my head against the door from the force of his kiss. He moaned, pushing a finger up into my ass. Holy Fuck! The most insane pressure built up through the inside of my ass, deep inside of me, into my balls, all the way up into my guts. 

The hand he had on my cock, going to my head, pulling with fast jerks. I was going to cum! My cries were muffled against his mouth, as spasms wracked my body.

Before I even knew what he was doing, he had left my mouth and was down on his knees in front of me. I couldn't believe what was happening as his full lips wrapped around my cock. Tight, wet heat.

My hands flew up to my mouth, clamping down over it! I was going to fucking cry! I wanted to scream out... cry out with everything in me! Oh my God!

I watched him looking up at me with his eyes so heavy under those long lashes. Hands holding my hips... holding me in place, he sucked, drinking me down until I had nothing left. I was shaking, I was weak... I couldn't speak.

I fell from his mouth as he backed away and stood, moving in closer to hold me. Catching his breath, he kissed me. His tongue darting in and out, letting me taste myself.

My arms were useless, weak and folded up into my chest. He held me, wrapping around me. The emotions running through me right then were so fucking intense! I took a deep breath, swallowing. I didn't want to cry. I would save that for the first time we made love. Because then I wouldn't be able to contain it.

Soft lips whispered against my mouth. "Are you done punishing me, now... for whatever I did wrong?"


	14. The First Of Two Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I sat there, silent... watching him. He leaned his arms onto the table and clasped his hands together. He smiled at me, looking me over in a very direct manner, I might add. To the point that I felt like I was under a microscope. The whole thing was freaking me out.
> 
> He let out a sigh, almost as if he was bored with it all and lifted his head slightly to look down his nose at me. "I wanted to get a better look at you. Up close this time."
> 
> My mouth fell open. His words, catching in my mind... _'this time.'_

**

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, the feeling of euphoria was gone. My face instantly pinched up. I turned my head away from him and grabbed at my sweats, pulling them up. I didn't want to feel anymore vulnerable than I already did. As it was, I was fighting to keep my chin and bottom lip from quivering. The pain was swirling back up in my chest again, and I lightly pushed him back, fighting tears.

As if I was an idiot! That because of my age, I would be easy to pull things on! That his control over me, the effect he had on me, would wipe it all out! Erase the slate. He was already pulling me into so much, maybe he just figured I was oblivious... naive. My immaturity made me easy to manipulate. While he happily led me to my emotional demise, getting what he wanted.

Without a word, he walked out of the bathroom. I stood there gathering air in complete shock. Then, as if nothing were amiss, he came back in. Closing the door, leaning up against the sink, crossing his arms. He could see my confusion, "I unlocked the bedroom door, just in case she tries to come in while we're in here." He held a hand out, as if to make his point. "She knows we're talking, Edmond."

Right then, I couldn't think about her. All I could think about was confronting him, and what would happen if I did. I had to. I couldn't live and not. I took a deep breath. "When... when do I get to touch you... the way that you've touched me?"

He could tell by the look on my face, my body language, all of it... I was upset. And the question I just asked him, wasn't the main course.

He tried to get up close to me again and I just held my hand out, stopping him. I had to think without him touching me. But he didn't go back to the sink. He kept his chest against my hand. His hands reaching out to touch my hips. "Well... not right now. Later, when we have more time... alone."

I looked down, licking my lips. I couldn't look at him. Blowing out a deep breath, readying myself. "Will that be before... or after the wedding."

I looked up at him then. I had to see his face, see his expression. His face had fallen, his mouth dropped. His eyes, staring at me wide in shock. His fingers began tugging at my hips. "We... we hav- "

I cut him off. All of it was going to come out. My chin and lower lip let loose, I couldn't control it. My eyes welled up. My voice was choked, I could barely get the words out. "How does... the person.. you were with last night... feel about that?" Tears rolled down my face.

He looked like a deer in head lights. He was not prepared for me to ask any of this! My very first lesson in seeing the physical effects of a liar in action. After all, he was my first everything. Why not this too?

I will never, ever forget this. In order; he closed his gaping mouth, he swallowed, licked his lips and started sweating. Now that I'm older and have had the glorious life experience of being around numerous liars, I know that there are tons of physical giveaways. Many of them readable to the naked eye, as long as one is paying close enough attention, that is.

I leaned back against the bathroom door, all I could do was watch him and wait for his response. Tears were still streaming down my face, landing cold against my bare chest. His hands continued to pull at me.

The whole thing only took seconds. I don't even think a whole minute passed. He came towards me, I didn't have the strength to put up a fight anymore. Wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into him. I couldn't look at his face, I kept my head down into his chest. He grabbed my head, forcing it back, forcing me to look at him!

It would have been better if he hadn't, because he looked scared. And I didn't need to see that. I needed reassurance, and it wasn't coming from anywhere! "First off! I was alone last night!"

I tried to shake my head against his hands, my face pulled into a grimace of pure despair. He was a fucking liar! My heart felt like it was caving in. I was sobbing. My body shook, my hands raised up, clutching at his forearms. I could barely understand what came out of my own mouth. "You... just couldn't talk... alone.. in your hotel room!"

He let go of my head and held me tighter, allowing me to bury my face against him. I truly believe that it was a combination of two things. Two reasons that he did it. He couldn't stand the pressure of looking me in the face. Of seeing what it was doing to me. What _he_ was doing to me. And second, he couldn't let me see the truth on his face.

"Edmond... I was alone. I didn't want to talk about this over the phone. Its too... " He took a deep breath. "its too serious, too personal." He tightened his hold on me.

"We haven't decided yet, but we're... we're talking about it. Thinking about it."

I sobbed into his chest, my voice muffled. I ended up being thankful, because if he hadn't held me, I would've ended up yelling. "How... how can you marry her! How can you... make me... feel this?"

If he married her, then we could never be. There was no future for us! The fucking agony that I felt was completely crippling! Why was he doing this?

He pushed me away so he could look at me. The only way I can describe the look on his face, was a mixture of fear and pleading. "What should I do, Edmond? Tell me?! How can I be with you? How can I see you, and not be involved in some way? Should I say, 'I'm sorry, but I'm falling for your fourteen year old son! So I can't see you, but... I'd like your permission to see him instead?" Now, he was the one to look desperate.

I felt like saying, _YES! Break it off at least!_ We could fucking sneak around for all I cared. I'd run away! We could move somewhere where no one knew me! I'd do anything... but this! Because the way he was doing it, no one was going to win.

My face was a mess, snot covered my upper lip, running into my mouth. I wanted to go down onto my knees. He held onto my shoulders, looking into my eyes. I pushed out of his hold, grabbing some tissues so I could wipe my face. I looked down at the floor. "So that's it then... it's hopeless?"

I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't believe that this was all there was. This was all it could ever be. I looked up at him, I couldn't straighten my face. I couldn't wipe the pain off. "So, you're falling for me... but you're marrying her!"

I swallowed, my eyes felt raw. His hand went into my hair as he pulled my face into his, our foreheads together. "This is so complicated Edmond. I wasn't planning on this happening. Feeling this way about you. Please, you have to give me some time to figure things out."

He licked his lips. "I know that I can't let things go between us. Do you understand that?"

He kissed me. "And yes, if I wasn't falling for you, none of this would be happening. Do you think that I would've risked everything to spend time with you? What I gave to you, it meant something. I want to be with you, Edmond! And not just in _that way."_

Both of his hands were holding my head now, he looked me in the eyes. "If your mother found out, I'd never be able to see you again! I'd risk charges! You and I both know that even if your mother didn't, your Aunt would push for it. She would! That's why we have to be so careful! At least until you're of age."

He took a deep breath, "I don't know what we'll do then, it's enough to try and think about what's happening right now."

He backed away, grabbing my hands and holding them. I just watched him, silent.. listening. "Last night, when you didn't answer my texts... I panicked. I thought you'd changed your mind. I didn't know what to think."

He took a deep breath, "Your mother called me early this morning... telling me that you'd been crying all night. That she was concerned. You were afraid that Liane had somehow changed my mind about moving in."

He shook his head, leaning in to kiss me. "Even if she hadn't called me, I had already planned to take the day off. I packed and got everything around. I couldn't take you not answering me! I had to know, Edmond."

His hands came up to my head again, he pushed me into the door. His mouth on mine, talking quietly against my lips. It was all I could do to breathe, I closed my eyes... they hurt so fucking bad.

"We'll figure it out. I promise! But that won't happen again. I'm here now. My things are here. I'm staying."

I was pretty much sold. I still had some nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. But they were being steadily pushed back for the sake of my sanity. I wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him and he kissed me, whispering. "Everything will work out for us. I promise, Edmond."

I just nodded against him, opening my eyes, I caught a glimpse of something on the inside of his forearm. I had been so wrapped up in all the emotional bullshit, I hadn't noticed it before. He had folded cotton, under a Band-Aid on his forearm. Suspicion wanted to creep in, and I just pushed it back out. I was curious and concerned. I took his arm in my hand, fingering the Band-Aid. "What's this? Are you well?"

My mother's voice in my room about scared me to death! I jumped! He straightened up and pulled away from me. He forced a bit of a smile, and whispered. "Later... okay?" I nodded.

He opened the door, my mother stood there with a questioning look on her face. Again, he came to the rescue. Speaking low to her, "He was crying, he wanted to blow his nose and clean up."

He always knew exactly what to say, and she was believing every word. And of course, part of what he'd said was true. I took a deep breath and walked out. As soon as she saw me, her eyebrows wrinkled up, her hands going to her mouth. I looked even worse than I had before.

I'm pretty fair complected, so when I cry, it ruins me. It always takes forever for the redness to go away and like I said, my eyes still hadn't been right from all the crying I'd done previously. Now my eyes actually hurt, they burned and ached. My lips were puffy from us kissing and all the crying combined. All I wanted to do was lay down.

Luc excused himself and went into the other room. I turned, went back into the bathroom and grabbed the pain pills from the medicine cabinet. Shaking a few into my hand, I walked out and sat on my bed, putting my head into my hands. I was completely mentally and emotionally wiped out.

She brought me a cup of water, handing it to me along with a cold, wet cloth. I took the pills and laid down, covering my eyes. She sat on the edge of the bed, bending down to kiss my forehead. "Everything will be alright, Edmond."

She rubbed my arm, "He's here now. He has to work tomorrow, but after, he has a new bed for you."

She sounded excited. I lay there with my eyes covered. "He won't be needing it and it's a bigger, nicer than this one. It will give you a lot more room."

I got what she meant. I was still in the twin bed I'd had since I was little and would come to visit my grandparents. I couldn't straighten out in this one without my feet hanging over the end. But I had mixed feelings about it. Cool, that it was his. Cool, that it would give me and probably he and I, more room. Hence, him giving it to me. Not cool, over the fact that he didn't need it. I knew where he'd be sleeping.

"Thank him for me." My brain was mush. As soon as she left, I would have a glass of wine. That thought, popping into my head forced me to sit up. I grabbed the cloth from my face, looking over at my computer.

It had gone into sleep mode, the bottle... my glass, they were gone. I looked at her. She just watched me, bringing her hand up to rub my hair. She didn't know. He'd evidently hidden them when he came out to unlock the door. The man didn't miss a trick! For that one, I was thankful.

I lay back down, placing the cloth back over my eyes. As much for the fact that they hurt, as that I didn't want to face her right then. I was still too emotional, and the thought of crying again about made me ill.

"You can thank him yourself, he'll probably be in to check on you again later you know. He was really worried over you, Edmond. I know he probably already told you, but I told him how upset you were over Aunt Liane and what happened. He's very fond of you. He wants to be here for you. He wants the two of you to be close. I know you've never had much of a father... and... "

My insides twisted up! Oh my God! If she only knew! Part of me wanted to laugh hysterically, and the other part wanted to vomit. Of course, what did I expect him to tell her? What excuse could he possibly give her, so that he could act the way he was. So that he could spend so much time with me. Like I said before... paving the way.

I swallowed hard. "I know. It's nice that he wants that. Things weren't easy... with... well, you know."

She knew exactly what I was talking about. My father had never been a father. She had worried over my needs for a long time. That also made me wonder about this rushed relationship. The arrangements. The way she'd said what she said, about him moving in.

I felt like everyone knew what the hell was happening, except me! Like he had his agenda and she had hers. I don't think he knew about hers, and she _definitely_ didn't know about his! But neither did I, and that was beginning to haunt me.

She gave me another kiss and got up, closing the door behind her. As soon as the door latched, I got up. It didn't take me long to locate the bottle and glass. He'd stashed both under the desk, moving the chair in front of them. I grabbed the glass and gulped it down. Saved my spot on the game and shut it down. I was done for the night. Unfortunately.

My eyes hurt too bad to look at anything, I pulled off my sweats and donned some briefs. Threw the rag into the sink and laid down, replacing it with the tea bags. They would work faster... better. And fell asleep.

**

The tea bags being lifted from my eyes was what woke me. The room was dark, it was taking me time to focus. Hands, were slowly smoothing my hair back, off from my forehead. I could feel weight come down onto the side of my bed. Lips touched my forehead. It wasn't my mother. I could feel the prickle of his whiskers against my skin.

There was absolutely nothing sexual about the way he touched me. I could finally see him. He brought his body down, wrapping his arms around me, holding me. I needed this so fucking bad. I wrapped around him and just held on. It was like sweet relief.

I let out a deep breath as he whispered against my ear. "I'm so sorry if I hurt you, Edmond. I don't ever want to do that. You are so, so precious to me. You need to know that." He brought his forehead to rest against mine. His lips came down onto mine. It was such a gentle, tender kiss.

I was very quickly getting addicted to the way he touched my mouth and ears, when he talked or whispered to me. "I promise... it will all work out." I just nodded. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, alright. I'm coming home early, I want to set up your new bed. Goodnight." He smiled, giving me another quick kiss. Then got up and walked out, closing the door behind him.

I laid there listening, hearing him tell her that I was asleep. I lay there in the darkness, trying to hold onto what had just happened. What he'd just told me. And closed my eyes.

**

When I woke, he was gone. Having him there everyday was definitely going to take some getting used to. I got into the shower. Evidently, we were going to the Bistro for brunch. With everything that had happened, she had let me sleep in. I needed it too. The swelling in my eyes had gone away. Probably falling asleep with the tea bags on.

I actually felt excited. Just knowing today I was fourteen! Just one more year, and I would be legal. I didn't want to really think about the whole year. I'd barely made it over the short period of time it had been since we'd first met. Oh well, I wouldn't think about that. He was here and that's all that mattered. He'd declared himself. He hadn't told me he loved me, but everything he said, meant that I would be hearing it. Hopefully soon. I longed for it.

Once I heard that, I just knew that everything would be alright.

I put on a pair of jeans, a turtleneck and a jacket, wearing leather ankle boots. Leaving my hair down. As soon as she saw me, she just shook her head... looking me over. "Is this what turning another year has done to you? The women will be pulling you from my hands, Edmond."

I blushed, feeling the heat flooding my face. It definitely wouldn't be the women. But, I wouldn't say that. She still didn't know my orientation. We drove, she wanted to do some shopping. I knew the only reason I was with her was because her and Aunt Liane were on the outs. Normally they were together everyday. I wanted to ask her about it, but still didn't want to spoil her somewhat good mood.

I was starting to wonder, with her not working, when would he and I ever have time alone? Ever. I pushed it out as we pulled into a spot along the side of the street. It was a beautiful day, the weather was mild, warm and sunny. She told me to grab our usual table, outside. While she went to use the ladies room, inside.

I walked over and sat down. Our table usually was open. The one we preferred was tucked away, closer to the gardens. A bit in the corner. I was the only reason it had become our favorite. My need for privacy and fear of having to be social, it had practically called out to me. It was quiet, peaceful, and right next to the flower and herb gardens, just the right amount of sun and shade. Out of the bustle that constantly took place near the doors.

I sat there, eyes closed, feeling the sun on my skin... thinking about him. "Excuse me."

A man's voice startled me out of my fantasy land. My eyes flew open. Looking at him, it took me a minute to respond. He had to have the wrong table. I looked around nervously, then back up at him. "Yes?"

He was beautiful. Now, I say that I think Luc was beautiful. And I thought he was. He was sexy... hot. But this man, he was striking in appearance. Pretty. He was actually beautiful. There was nothing like Luc about him. Luc was more casual, ruggedly handsome. Relaxed. This man, he was... well, he looked like a gentleman. He looked wealthy, refined. Almost intimidatingly so. Definitely one of those people you see, and you know instantly that they're way above your station. Kind of untouchable. It made me feel kind of like a peasant among royalty.

My eyes took everything in. He was tall and broad shouldered, with black hair, long enough to be pulled back into a pony tail at at his neck. Sharp features and blue grey eyes, almost the color of slate. One ear was pierced and held a small diamond earring. He was wearing the most expensive designer clothing, fashion all the way. I sat there, feeling like I wanted to disappear, but still... I was curious. And nervous..

"May I join you?" He actually sat as he asked the question. I was completely dumbfounded. I looked around like I couldn't believe what was going on.

I sat there, silent. Watching him. He leaned his arms onto the table and clasped his hands together. He smiled at me, looking me over in a very direct manner, I might add. To the point that I felt like I was under a microscope. The whole thing was freaking me out. Making me feel extremely self conscious.

After a moment he let out a sigh, almost as if he was bored with it all and lifted his head slightly to look down his nose at me. "I wanted to get a better look at you. Up close this time."

My mouth fell open. His words catching in my mind. _'This time?'_

He sat back in his chair, his grey eyes locked with mine, a somewhat perturbed look on his perfect face. "I was actually the one that spotted you first, you know. Right here, at this very Bistro."

My mouth dropped open even farther, if that was possible. My eyebrows gathered in thought. I could feel my mouth, form the word, _What?_ But no sound came out.

He just looked at me. Studying me. Taking in my reaction to what he'd just said, he laughed. He fucking laughed! Put his hand up to his mouth and everything! I literally felt the hairs on me rising up. Real quietly, like it was a secret just between us, with that smile on his face, his head tilted and his eyes narrowed, "You really don't know... do you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so it's clear. Age of legal consent in France is 15. Unless the older party is one that is legally responsible for the minor, then it is 18. I would say more, but I don't want to spoil anything.


	15. While I'm Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turning somewhat, so that he could look at both of us. Holding his hand up, he gestured toward me. "He has told me so much about you. He showed me a picture of your wonderful son, and as soon as I saw him, I just had to meet you both."

I feel thrown out the window  
You seem to enjoy  
You don't have to be so  
So hard on your boy  
You don't have to be so  
So search and destroy

**

I just sat there with my mouth agape. I was in shock. I couldn't even believe what had just happened. Right then, before I could even get the questions out that had started running through my mind, my mother came around the corner, and the mystery man stood up. His grey eyes still studying me, but now his face was serious. He turned to my mother, his expression changing _again_ as he faced her. I sat there, watching... silent.

She started to glance at me, but then her eyes locked onto him. I sat with my mouth open as I watched the constant shift take place on her face. First, it had been curious, then somewhat concerned mother. Instantly, that changed to Holy Shit! Who's the God standing at my table.

He became the perfect gentlemen that he looked like. His smile was enchanting (I almost hate to use that word. I think it's a bit lame. But it does describe it perfectly) that's the only word I can use... it was. He gave her a slight bow and took her hand, bringing it up to his mouth. He didn't actually kiss it, he barely touched it. But that was enough. My mother was fucking melting. In fact, if he hadn't spoken first, I honestly believe that she would've started stuttering.

Her face was red, and her other hand had gone up to her mouth. "I must apologize for my lack of manners, my name is Reynaud. I'm a friend of Luc's. We work together... at times."

Turning somewhat, so that he could look at both of us. Holding his hand up, he gestured towards me. "He has told me so much about you. He showed me a picture of your wonderful son, and as soon as I saw him, I just had to meet you both."

I swear, every hair on me was standing at attention! All I could think was, _What the hell?_ '

Absolute honey, dripped from the man's mouth. But from what he'd said to me in private, I knew there was so much more going on underneath it. A ton. A huge part of me wanted to know, but a part of me was afraid to as well.

He smiled at her again. Another master at work. My mother opened her mouth and it actually took her a few seconds to get words to come out. "Well... thank you... it's so nice to meet you as well... Reynaud."

If I hadn't still been in such a state of shock, I would've laughed. Luc, _definitely_ didn't have that type of effect on her. She was near swooning!

He smiled at me while he spoke to us both. "Well, I must go, I dare say that I've taken up quite enough of your time." Turning his smile on her once more before he turned and walked away.

She stood there watching him for a moment. The waiter bringing out our tea snapped her out of it. She sat down and the waiter left again. Now, I know what took her so long. She had ordered for us while she'd been inside. She looked at me, the blush still on her face.

"When did you give Luc my picture?"

The waiter brought out our food, then left. "Shortly after we started seeing each other. I showed it to him, he was curious about you, and asked if he could keep it."

I just sat there, processing what she was saying. I sipped on my tea, the food no longer appealing. "How long ago was that?"

She raised her eyebrows, probably wondering why all the questions. "A few months ago."

I just nodded, taking another sip. After only a few months they were living together and talking marriage? That _so_ did not fit my mother. "You ah... you met at the art gallery? Or... was it somewhere else?"

She put down her fork and stared at me, her face getting a concerned look. "Why all the questions, Edmond... is everything alright?"

I took another sip, lowering my cup. I pushed my plate aside, I had lost my appetite. "Well, things are kind of serious, aren't they? He's telling his friends about us, that means something, right?"

She started fidgeting, looking down into her plate. Now, who was the one keeping secrets? "We actually met here."

I thought I was going to be sick. I fought to hide my panic. Raising my hands up in front of my mouth, I clasped them together. Attempting to look relaxed.

"I was here with your aunt, she went in to use the bathroom and he came over to me. We started talking and that was that. He told me he had seen us here before and he would've felt funny interrupting us, so he waited." She picked up her fork, taking another bite.

I took a sip, "He saw you and Aunt Liane here before? Or you and I?" I didn't remember seeing him, but then again, I wasn't a people watcher. I kept to myself. When we sat inside I was usually on my laptop. I would've been oblivious to any other form of life.

She looked upward, like she was thinking about it... trying to remember. "If I remember right he just said us. He didn't clarify, love. Why?"

I still couldn't take a breath of relief, he wouldn't have wanted to be obvious if he'd seen me and had a motive in mind. I shook my head, "No reason."

"Did you um... ever meet... you know, his roommate? See his place?" My eyes shot up to see her reaction.

Now her eyebrows were gathered and she looked irritated. "You know, you're starting to sound like someone else I'm upset with right now! No! I never met his roommate! They weren't getting along and he didn't want to further the situation. He was worried over having a place to stay if things didn't work out. I guess they were both on the lease, so he couldn't afford to pay for a hotel and half the rent as well."

She took a sip of tea, "At first, we saw each other sparingly. He was working a lot, most of the time we met during his lunch breaks or emailed. We went out a few times to theater and things."

I sipped my tea, "I'm not asking for the same reason as Aunt Liane, I'm just curious, Mother. I mean, he _is_ living with us. I just want to know more about him. I like him. It just seems faster than you did things with father... that's all." From what I knew of course, from what she had _told_ me.

She let out a huge breath. That kind of freaked me out, and I held onto my tea cup, waiting. "Things were faster than you know with your father, Edmond. During one of his trips to see me I got pregnant for you. That is when we decided to get married."

I know my face must've crunched up a bit. And it had nothing to do with my father. If she was pregnant, I wasn't going to be staying. I would leave. There was no way that I'd be able to handle that! And if that's why they were rushing... I took in a breath of air, waiting.

She looked down, swallowing. "I never told you... but, you're older now and... well, we probably wouldn't have ended up getting married had I not been."

"You still shouldn't have! He was an asshole!" It was out before I could even stop it. By then it was too late. I just looked down into my cup. "I'm sorry."

She started laughing. I looked up in shock, I was sure that she would be mad. I had never cursed in front of her. She was covering her mouth with both of her hands. Finally I busted up. We just sat there, laughing over it, eyes wet, holding our stomachs. It must have been a good few minutes before we quit. But afterwards, I knew we both felt better. I know I definitely did. After all of the stress, we needed it.

I looked down. I couldn't ask her what I wanted to ask her and look her in the face. But I couldn't resist asking. "Are you uh... are you now?"

She wiped at her eyes. "Am I what?"

"Are you... you know... are you pregnant?" I held my breath.

She looked at me as if I were insane, "Of course not! I can't have anymore."

I actually let out an audible, _whew!_ She laughed, shaking her head at me. "Are you done now? Is there anything else you would like to know?"

I just nodded. But that wasn't all I wanted to know. Now all I had were more questions. How could she let someone move in, when she had never even seen their place? How could she just believe everything he said without checking to see if any of it were true? How could she be this gullible? And I didn't want to think that. But thinking over what my Aunt had said the night of their fight, and what she was telling me now, what did she really know about him? And was anything that she _did_ know true?

The only thing that I could think, was that she had to be just as desperate as me. A huge pushover. I had just turned fourteen and I could see through his fucking lies! Of course, I'd let him schmooze me into not being mad at him for awhile. But now, everything I had thought before was coming right back!

My mind just couldn't let it go. I sat there watching her eat. I poured more tea, sipping on it. There had to be more to it than that. There _had_ to be! None of it made any sense. My mother was smarter than this! I mean, after so many years alone, not a single time did she ever even talk about dating, or try to have me meet someone. And now... well, I just couldn't believe it.

Now what I wanted to know, was had she seen him actually staying in his hotel room? Thinking back on it, she had been out late numerous times, but she always was. That could mean anything. I also wanted to know who his roommate had been. Because I couldn't see him with this guy, Reynaud. They didn't fit together at all. They were like oil and water.

So his roommate _had_ to be someone else. And the fact that this guy said that he'd seen me first? They had met here. He'd told her he had seen us here together! I had to know! But I knew again, that all I would get was bullshit. Now what I really wanted to do, was talk to Reynaud. While she finished eating, I looked all around the Bistro for him. He was nowhere.

I was also wrong about what I said previously. About all our fights being about her. We had plenty over his dishonesty too. Me accusing, and him simply lying to cover his ass, keeping the truth from me.

**

  
We finished up, went to the market and came home. Beating him by just a few minutes. I had forgotten all about the bed. He was getting out early to get it from storage, so we could set it up. He pulled in with a small trailer and I went outside to help carry it in. My mother stood at the door, holding it open.

As soon as he saw me his mouth dropped. I just waved him off, turning red. It was no big deal. He spoke low to me as I came around to the back. Giving me an almost accusatorial look, which I ignored. "This is how you dress when I am at work?"

I didn't answer, but was struggling to keep from smiling. The more I thought about it, my face split into a grin. By the time we got inside, I was chuckling. Setting the frame down, we still had to bring in the rest. He pulled off his tie, laying it across one of the kitchen chairs.

My mother handed us both a glass of wine. He took a drink, then motioned to my attire, looking at her. "What did you two do today?"

She sipped on her wine and before she could answer, I looked at him, grabbing up his tie from the chair. "We went out this morning, cruising hot guys."

Both of them choked on their wine, my mother actually spitting her's into the sink! She gasped! _"Edmond!... "_ Her eyes were huge, she brought her hand up to cover her smile.

I laughed, playing with his tie, watching him. He was smiling too, but it wasn't meeting his eyes. His eyes were leery. He looked at her as if wanting clarification.

I looked at her, still chuckling, "Well we did... he _was_ gorgeous, too." Now, looking at him. "He kissed mother's hand and she couldn't even speak."

Now both of her hands covered her mouth, still smiling I might add and just as red as flames. "Edmond! What has gotten into you!?"

I just cocked my head, looking at him, a sly smile on my face. He bit his bottom lip, moving his eyes to my mother, "Who... was gorgeous?"

I fingered the tie, waiting for her to answer. She looked into her wine, then back up to him. "Well, we went to our Bistro. I went in to order and when I came out, this... this man, was talking to Edmond."

Immediately, his eyes went back to me. "He was quite the gentleman, Reynaud. He said he worked with you, that you had shown him Edmond's picture that I gave you."

I tried so hard to read the look on his face, his eyes kept darting from her to me. He nodded, swallowing. "Yes... well, I work with him sometimes. He's a long time acquaintance, though."

He blew out a breath of frustration, motioning for me to follow and went outside. He was silent.

I had expected him to say _something_ at least. Reaching down, we grabbed the last of the framework, "No mattress?" I looked up at him, questioning.

His face was set, he didn't even look at me, "No, I wanted you to have a new one."

I wasn't going to let him get to me. I refused! "Why? What was the mat- "

He stopped walking, literally jerking me to a halt! He was glaring at me, speaking low through his clenched teeth! "We'll talk it over on the way!"

I clammed up. Walking into the house, he told her he and I were going to go shopping for new bedding and so on. She let him know she planned to start dinner while we were away. I walked back out to the car, got in and waited as he disconnected the trailer.

He got in, started the car and pulled out. He didn't say a word, until we had gotten two streets down. Fists clenched up on the wheel, the muscles in his jaw bulged. "Do you think this is a game, Edmond!?"

He glanced at me. "You need to be careful! You have no idea who he is!"

My mouth dropped, my eyes huge. I couldn't believe it! I had been playing around and he was actually jealous! I pointed my finger into my chest! "He talked to _me!_ He came to _my_ table and talked to _me!_ I didn't seek him out!"

He turned away from town. I looked out the window, getting concerned. "Where are we going?"

"We need to talk, it's early, we'll have plenty of time to get it. If we don't tonight, we'll go tomorrow. This is important, Edmond... we need some time together!"

"He was very forward with me. Was he your roommate?"

I knew he couldn't look at me, he had to watch the road. "No, he wasn't my roommate. You just... you just need to stay away from him!"

I turned in my seat. "I told you, he came to me! Is he dangerous?" Panic kept wanting to rise up in my chest, but every time I felt it, I would think about Raynaud's last words to me. And that just made me more suspicious of Luc and the situation that was unfolding in my life. What it was, that I evidently didn't know.

We were passing farms, fields of crops and stone walls. He pulled into a small drive that looked like something a farmer would use to drive into one of their fields and turned off the car. He turned in his seat, "Edmond, he's not the kind of person I would trust around you."

I leaned forward, pointing my finger at him. "You said he's your acquaintance. Do you always hang out with untrustworthy people? Why would you have shown him my picture if he can't be trusted!"

He looked away, swallowing again. I was waiting for him to touch me, to try and get my mind off it. Evidently he knew that wouldn't work this time. At least not yet. "What exactly did he say to you?"

I put my hand up to my mouth, looking away. "I don't want to tell you."

He grabbed my hand away! Jerking me towards him! I actually yelped, he was scaring me! An absolute furious look took over his face, "You're going to tell me, Edmond!" He was squeezing my wrist so hard it hurt.

"You're hurting me!"

He pulled harder, he didn't care! He looked wild. "You have to be careful! You have no idea how many men would love to get their hands on someone like you! Someone your age, Edmond! That looks like you. You have no idea!" Finally he let go and turned away. He was shaking and he looked like he had just given away _way_ too much information.

I was in shock, struggling to get my breathing under control, struggling not to cry. "You mean like you!? Isn't that why _you_ want me?"

He shook his head. At first I thought he looked hurt. Later on, when I revisited this, it was fear. He looked scared. He swallowed, "No, that's not why. He's not like me. I'm... I'm not like that."

The only thing I could think, was like what? What the hell did he mean? Because like it or not _he_ was with me. There had to be some of the same draw. How was the man he was warning me against any different than him? Right at that moment I didn't know who to trust. It seemed like the only person who had spoken honestly was the one he was wanting me to avoid.

He fingered the steering wheel, "What did he say?"

I blew out a deep breath, watching him. I wanted to see his reaction. "He sat down and looked me over. He was very bold. He said that he wanted to get a closer look at me. He said, _he_ saw me first... at that Bistro. And then when my mother came out he immediately stood up and acted as if none of it had been said."

I think Luc's reaction scared me more than anything. He actually cringed. His eyes closed, he squeezed the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. "Just... just stay away from him. Please. No more trying to make me jealous, alright?"

My mouth was completely open. I couldn't fucking believe it! "What did he mean by that?! Luc! You have to tell me!"

He just stared into the steering wheel. He wouldn't look at me. The tension was killing me, I had to know... I had to!

He was sweating through his shirt, dark stains showing under his arms. "I... I'm not sure, just... I was wrong, just don't talk to him... I... "

He turned toward me, grabbing my arms, pulling me into him. He looked terrified, "I don't want you talking to other men! Do you understand?" He moved his hands to my head, holding it, moving closer to me. I was scared and I was fighting anger, he wouldn't give me an ounce of information, yet wanted to give me orders!

He pulled me into a hug. Wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight. I just buried my head into his neck. Debating on whether or not I should tell him the rest. I knew there was a reason he wasn't telling me what he knew. Because he was guilty. There was something going on and he didn't want me to know it. I just didn't know why.

Was he afraid of losing a place to live? He seemed to have money to buy whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He was keeping so much hidden. And evidently my hair-brained mother wasn't willing to ask him a single question either! Not only that, but I'd had to practically drag the info out of her that I had gotten. And that hadn't been much.

I have to tell you, I didn't want him to be the bad guy. I wanted him to be the right one! I didn't want to face the things my mind kept alerting me of. I wanted to feel safe and secure. I wanted the romance and the wonderful feelings that he was offering me. But, the more that happened, the longer we were together, the more I struggled to ignore what was right in front of my face. And because of what I was doing, there was absolutely no one that I could go to.

He whispered into my hair, "I'm going to start working from home... starting next week."

I backed away, pushing at him so I could see his face. "You can do that? You can just... how?" I couldn't wrap my head around all the changes taking place. Was he doing this just so he could watch me?

He kept his hands on my arms, pulling me into him. "I can do what I want. Besides, we'll see each other more. Maybe I'll get to see you dress like this for me once in awhile, instead of somebody else. You wear sweats for me and then as soon as I go to work you go shopping dressed like this!"

He kept me close to him, running his lips over my neck. Giving me little kisses that sent shivers up my spine. I shook my head, I couldn't believe it! "You're jealous! Aren't you!? "

He grazed his teeth across my neck, biting me lightly. "Yes, I am! You're mine. I don't want anyone else looking at you."

I could barely think, the little sports car was so uncomfortable for this. There was no room. "You know, we won't get time together. If you haven't forgotten, she doesn't work. When will we be alone?" I pulled away, there was definitely _not_ going to be anything happening in this little bitty car. We could barely move.

He let out a big sigh and started the car. "If I'm working from home, I'll have a lot of free time to take you away."

He smiled, winking at me. "Bonding time... besides, we need to get your aunt and mother back together. Then she'll have a reason to go do things without me."

He reached over, running a hand up my thigh. I laid my head back, closing my eyes, trying to concentrate on what he was saying while he rubbed his hand over my crotch. He squeezed and rubbed harder. Running his fingers over the outline of my hardening cock through my jeans.

All of a sudden the hand was gone and I was left aching. I opened my eyes, looking at him like, _what the fuck!_

He smiled, "Lets go get that mattress."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics ~ Shame  
> By: Adam Lambert
> 
> **Fyi Reynaud is a French form for Reynold. Pronounced: re-NO


	16. Man Of The House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I turned my head back to him, glaring at him! "Maybe I _should_ talk to him, Luc!"
> 
> His whole face went red! I had never, _ever_ been looked at the way he looked at me just then. He was furious, turning his head completely away from the road, yelling at me! _"THEN MAYBE I SHOULD BEAT YOUR ASS!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, there will be some jaunts through time here and there (nothing huge), simply because all this is supposed to have taken place over a period of a few years. So while there is no way that I can discuss what happened every minute, the most important things will be gone over.
> 
> Again, I don't plan to give warnings as I feel the tags do that.

Now I don't mind a little pain  
When I've really earned it, yeah  
But you've got me whipped and chained  
When I don't deserve it

**

The whole time we were in the car; the mattress store, the drive home, I fought to keep my mind on what he was saying and _not_ what he hadn't said, or what he _had_ said and how guilty it made him look. All I could think about was how he had reacted to what Reynaud said to me and how he had completely dodged everything. How he felt like I didn't deserve any answers. Like he had a right to simply deny me the truth! And now he was living with us, and there was no way that I could get out of this.

Even as infatuated as I was with him, I was torn. And not just over my mother anymore. After our talk in the bathroom, I felt like he had answered some of my questions about the dual role he was playing. Simply speaking, from what I know now, without giving too much away, because you will all find out the whole truth behind his motives later.

He was Bi-sexual. And that's putting it incredibly loosely. Very loosely. He very heavily leaned toward gay. He preferred men. But he had no qualms over being with a woman. Over the three years that he basically ruined my existence, I found out from others, that the only time he was _ever_ with a woman, was when he wanted something. Can you say opportunist? But, anyway.

To hear him tell it, and the only explanation that I would ever get from him, right up even to the end. He got involved with my mother, because he liked her and he thought she was attractive. Then, as soon as he saw my picture, he said his interest was piqued. And then he met me. Basically as soon as he met me and realized that there was a mutual attraction, he went for it.

That whole first date, the one where he came to our house for dinner, he tested me. Felt me out to see if I was safe, see if it was safe to proceed. To continue on with what he wanted. Because I was underage, he didn't want to take the chance that I would blow the whistle. He actually _did_ end up admitting to that.

The rest is as follows. But I wouldn't start to really find things out until I got a chance to talk to Reynaud, and to someone else. Then I could pretty much piece it all together myself. At the point we were at, I think it had more to do with him seeing me with my mother at the Bistro. I just didn't know how Reynaud fit into that.

As far as Reynaud was concerned, I kept thinking that if my mother hadn't interrupted us, perhaps I would have found out more. I wanted to talk to him again. I mean, I was afraid to, but I felt like I _had_ to. Problem was, I had no idea how to find him, where he lived, any of it. What I needed to do, was do a little snooping. My mind had gone round and round with that the whole time we were driving. Trying to figure out, how I would get the chance to do that if he was home all the time like he wanted to be now.

"Edmond!"

His voice startled me out of my internal thoughts. I turned and looked at him, a shocked look on my face. "Yes? What?"

He was irritated, I could see it. "Have you not been paying attention to anything I've said!"

I looked out the window. "I'm sorry, my mind was elsewhere."

He had gotten quiet for a minute, like he was thinking hard about what to say. Like he knew exactly what was on my mind and was afraid to broach it. Before he could speak, I spit it out.

"Have you ever slept with Reynaud?"

I could literally _hear_ his hands grip the steering wheel harder, the leather squeaking under them. I could hear him swallow. "I'm not going to answer that, Edmond."

I stared out the window, getting angry. My voice almost down to a whisper. "You just did."

He let out a deep breath, "That doesn't prove anything! Why won't you drop this!"

I was boiling! I turned my head to him, "Why won't you answer any of my questions!?"

The car was going faster, "Because! What he said to you is bullshit, Ed! It didn't mean anything!"

I had turned back to the window. I should've been paying attention to where we were going, but I didn't. It wouldn't have mattered, he had taken a back way home, giving us more time to be alone.

"That's why you were scared that I was talking to him!? Because it was all bullshit!?"

I turned my head back to him, glaring at him! "Maybe I _should_ talk to him, Luc!"

His whole face went red! I had never, _ever_ been looked at, the way he looked at me just then. He was furious, turning his head completely away from the road, yelling at me! _"THEN MAYBE I SHOULD BEAT YOUR ASS!"_

I was fucking astounded! I couldn't believe it! The fucking gall he had to even say something like that! Like he could fucking touch me like that! I turned in my seat, it was on! Heat had flooded my face. "Then maybe I won't let _you_ fuck me!"

Oh my fucking God! If you could have seen the look on his face. Before I could even register, he threw his arm in front of me, holding me back in the seat as he slammed on the brakes, throwing us both forward. He turned the wheel, spinning us around in a circle and headed in a different direction. Now I was in a panic. I grabbed onto the armrest, looking out the windows. Again, like I said, It didn't matter. I didn't know where the hell we were.

Right then, I was trying to focus on controlling my breathing. I have to admit I was freaked out, but I was also on a huge adrenaline high. And even as scared as I would get in the next few minutes, I also have to admit, it was exciting as hell. What can I say? Chalk it up to my age and the situation.

Within just a few minutes he turned onto a drive. It was completely surrounded by woods, and it was getting dark. So even if I had been paying attention, the light was way too dim to really see anything well. Early winter... short days. Truly, I knew the answer to both.

My mouth had done it. Did I regret saying what I'd said? No. And I wouldn't afterwards, either.

Opening my door, he grabbed a fistful of my jacket and hauled me from the car! I literally couldn't speak. I couldn't make a sound. All I could do was gape at him as he drug me up onto the porch. Putting a key into the lock, he turned the knob and we were in.

I finally found my voice. "Where... where are we... wha... " It didn't matter. He wouldn't acknowledge me. He threw the lock into place and pushed me forward! Going into a smaller room, he flipped a switch, turning on a small lamp. I took in the room... a bedroom.

I turned to him with my mouth hanging open. I really couldn't believe what he was doing. Kicking off his shoes, he held out his hand to me. "Give me your phone."

Still silent, I shook my head, backing away from him slowly. Taking a step toward me, still holding out his hand, he yelled! The cords in his neck standing out, his face turning red! _"GIVE ME YOUR GODDAMN PHONE!"_

Slowly I took it out of my back pocket, tossing it onto the bed. Calmly, he walked over to it and picked it up. Laying his and mine both onto the dresser. He proceeded to get undressed, looking at me the entire time.

Leaving his clothes in a heap on the floor, he walked over to me slowly. He was hard, his cock standing out stiff from his body. I think it was a miracle that I didn't pass out. I was utterly in shock. I had never been handled the way he had handled me. And now, all I could do was take him in and try to fight my panic as he approached me. His eyes never left mine. His hand went down to his cock, giving it a quick stroke. I backed up against the wall, gawking at him. There was no where left to go.

His body closed in around mine and a shudder ran through me. I was physically excited, but I was also afraid. I wasn't ready for what was going to happen.

His legs pushed into mine, separating them. One hand coming up to my throat, gently caressing my jaw, gently... but still showing that he had control. His face was right in mine, his lips going to my ear. Very softly, he spoke. "When I told you that this wasn't a game, I meant it."

Breathing into my ear, caressing his lips against it. I could feel his cock pushing against me. Even as scared as I was, I was rock hard. "You think it's fun to make me jealous? You think you can use your little ass as leverage!? Threaten me!? Let me tell you something, Edmond."

His hold on my jaw tightened until it was painful. I closed my eyes. Giving my jaw a light jerk, talking low and even through his clenched teeth. "Open your eyes and look at me!"

His eyes locked right onto mine, speaking against my mouth, "I'm going to fuck you whenever I please... do you understand me?"

He ground his cock into mine, and I literally moaned out! I couldn't control it! I nodded, swallowing. His other hand moving up from the wall and into my hair, getting a good fistful! My hands moved from my sides up to his chest, trying to brace myself.

He looked at me as if he owned me, "And if I _ever_ find out that you are talking to other men, _especially_ Reynaud, Edmond! I will beat your bare fucking ass! And then, I will fuck you until you can't walk!"

He pulled on my hair, giving my head a jerk. I closed my eyes again. "Do you understand me, Ed?"

Completely amazed that I had any voice at all, what finally came out of me was all shaky, "Yyesss"

Letting loose of my hair, his hands came down to my jacket, and very slowly, he pulled it off of me. Grabbing my turtleneck, he pulled it from my jeans and over my head. I raised my hands, standing there like a zombie while he undressed me. My pants hit the floor.

He pulled me to the bed, getting on top of me and spreading my legs. My cock was so hard it stood up, grazing against his stomach. Reaching down between us, he ran his hand over it from my balls up to the head. I moaned out. He looked into my eyes, watching my reaction to what he was doing to me. Seeing the control that he had over me.

His voice growled out low and husky. "I don't think you're mad at me, Ed. I think you like it."

He rubbed my cock, pushing it down onto my stomach. Lowering his body farther onto mine, getting our cocks lined up in his hand, he squeezed them together, giving hard strokes! I cried out, pushing my head back into the bed! My hands were in claws, grasping desperately into the bedding. Bringing his mouth down onto mine, I moaned against him, my arms and legs wrapping around him.

Breaking away, he whispered, breathless, "Do you want me, Ed? Do you want me to fuck you?"

I cried out, "Yesss... pleease." He was jerking so fucking hard! His cock sliding against mine, the friction was absolutely incredible. Kissing down my neck, he released me and moved down my body. Grabbing a hold of my legs, he roughly threw them up, pushing them into my chest.

I couldn't even open my eyes, I was fucking gone. His tongue slid over my hole, making me moan out. Oh my God! It was the best fucking sensation I had ever had! I dug my hands into his hair! I just wanted him to stay right there... doing that.

He sucked and licked, pushing his tongue inside. I was incoherent, I couldn't even form words. Running his tongue up and over my balls, he lowered my legs, wrapping them around his shoulders and took me into his mouth. I cried out! Holding his head!

One of his hands rubbed over my chest, pinching my nipples, the other moving down, sliding a finger over my slick hole.

I went wild! bucking my hips, fucking his mouth! As soon as I started to cum, he backed away, holding my cock down, forcing me to shoot all up my chest and onto my neck. Grabbing fistfuls of the blankets, I writhed around, looking up at him through heavy lids, as he got up over me onto his knees. Sliding his hand across my chest, getting it coated in my seed, he took hold of his cock and started a fast stroke. The head of his cock turned dark and swelled bigger, his own fluid dripping down onto me... he was ready.

He threw his head back, his muscled body locking up! The expression on his face almost looked like he was in pain. I jerked as he came, shooting over my stomach and chest. Pumping himself until every last drop was out. Looking down at me with his mouth open, his breath coming out short and quick. We just stared at each other for a moment before he collapsed onto his side, pulling me into him.

His arm wrapped around me. I could feel the stickiness of both our seeds as they mixed between us. Closing his eyes he kissed me, then backed away looking at my face. Both of us, still trying to get our breathing under control, his hand moved into my hair, "I am a jealous man, Edmond. What's mine is mine. I won't tolerate games."

Closing his eyes, he brought his mouth to mine, tasting me, whispering against my swollen lips, "I'm falling in love with you, Edmond. I really am. But you need to tell me, do you want me to leave? Or do you want me?"

Squeezing my eyes shut, I held onto him tighter, clinging to him. He kept his mouth against mine, making me speak against his lips. "Don't leave... please... "

His legs wrapped around me, pulling back just enough to see my face. He looked into my eyes. "Then you promise me, no more games. You have to trust me. If you're mine, Ed. I will punish you if you disobey." Shaking his head, "I don't want to, but I will! Don't ever break my trust. And don't you _ever_ cheat on me!"

I nuzzled into him, speaking against his throat. "I won't... I promise."

Even as far gone as I was, in the back of my mind, I was still thinking... _This was my chance! I should've taken it!_ But I didn't. And even then, would it have really mattered what I said? Thinking about it later, I don't think it would have.

I was afraid. I was afraid to be with him, and I was afraid to be without him. I was afraid of what it would do to my life either way. There was literally no going back. I had to submit. That was the only way it was going to work, and it was then that I realized that being with him and having no say, no control over anything, was going to slowly kill me as well.

Now that I am older and I have been with four older men. The first of course, was Luc. The second, I won't mention yet and the third was my last partner. I've matured. And now, being with someone that actually cares about me, and has my and our best interest in mind, I've finally realized that it is actually possible to have a normal and healthy relationship.

Even though he is 41 and I am just recently 24, it is a partnership. I'm not his Sub. I do not view him as my dominant, nor as a father figure. Yes, it's true that I have a penchant for older men. I know, perhaps it's my security blanket. I feel safe and secure. Even though he has a tiny jealous streak. Laughs.

I have never felt inferior to him, and never will. That's not how he wants me to feel. And to me, there is no finer feeling in the world, than to give myself to him. We satisfy each other completely.

I know that each person has their own wants and needs, that's great. I also realize that not all dom/sub relationships are unhealthy or damaging, as long as both people are okay with what's taking place and no one is getting hurt by it, that's fine.

But after going through what I went through with Luc, I will never allow myself to be put into that kind of relationship again. To me, it was demeaning. It was degrading. What happened to me was anyway. It fucked me up.

Because that's exactly what was happening. He never demanded that I call him by a title. But he did, and would demand, that I agree to his position over me. He used the fact that I needed him emotionally, and it would get worse.

In fact, if you look at how he was from the very beginning, he was establishing a foot hold with me, in my life. He was getting everything ready for what he wanted.

Paving the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics ~ Shame  
> by: Adam Lambert
> 
> Reynaud will be mentioned throughout, because he plays a big role later on.... a huge one.


	17. Dominance Established

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like I said... love is like Heroin. Addictive and deadly. Any form of love, not just the sick and twisted. Everyone needs love. You need it to survive... to thrive. To become, or remain to be any semblance of a human being. But when it's gone, or your deprived... when it's taken away. It Fucking Destroys You!

**

I know some of you may be asking. How could it be exciting and demeaning all at the same time? Well, I'll tell you. And anyone that has been in a bit of a dom/sub relationship, or one where their mate tended to be the aggressor.

And by aggressor, I mean probably not a real healthy situation. Sex with these people is usually off the fucking chart. And it was! To this day, there was only one other man that satisfied me more than Luc. And unfortunately, it's not my current partner. I know, that may sound mean. I don't mean for it to. I love my partner very much and our sex is very good. I have never _not_ been satisfied.

But there is a difference between being satisfied and being fucking blown away! Where the sex itself, the entire experience is like a wild drug that just sucks you in. You're in another world while it's taking place. And when it's done, you're a limp fucking rag... spent beyond belief. You are literally blown away.

And even more unfortunate, is that both of these men, regardless of how amazing the sex was, are complete, sick fucking assholes!

Now, through most of my relationship with Luc, the demeaning part, meaning I didn't really feel demeaned during the sex, simply because I was so overwhelmed by him. He wanted me to be satisfied, he wanted me to get off. He didn't want to use sex as a punishment. That wouldn't happen until much later, and it would only happen once.

The demeaning part for me came after the sex was over. Because then, the reasoning behind what he was doing to me, and the position that he put himself in over me would come crashing back in.

In a way, it's like taking a drug to cope with shit. The drug makes you feel good while you're high. It takes away the pain for a little while. But when the high is all gone and reality comes back, and it always does, you're faced once again with just how bad shit really is. It makes you long for that drug all the more... that escape.

Like I said... love is like Heroin. Addictive and deadly. Any form of love, not just the sick and twisted. Everyone needs love. You need it to survive... to thrive. To become, or remain to be, any semblance of a human being. But when it's gone or your deprived, when it's taken away... it fucking destroys you!

The demeaning part for me, was also the fact that he saw me as a possession. It took away my freedom. I wouldn't feel that way for awhile. Right then I was too caught up in feeling wanted. I also said that I loved him. And I did, but it was a very unhealthy love. I wanted to please him. I didn't want him to leave, and he would use that as a weapon. A weapon to keep me in line.

But just as much as I strove to please him, to keep him there, I still wanted the truth. I needed to know. Even knowing the risk I was taking. At the time I didn't know all the reasons behind him really being there, being with me.

We had laid together after it was over. He said his peace and I pretty much begged him to stay. Which, him making me say what I said, was a total show of his power. In fact, the whole thing was a display of power.

Anyone that's reading this, a Pantera fan? Well I am. I love their music. Complete rage rock. Anytime I'm pissed, and want to stay that way for awhile and fume, that's what I listen to. And what fits this, is Vulgar Display of Power. (The title of course). Cause that's what it was.

I readily admit that right then, at my age, him being pretty much my fucking idol. Because let's face it, I idolized him. I worshiped at his shrine daily. I was afraid to lose him. And the fact that he was displaying power over me, rights to me. It made me feel secure. It made me feel that he cared and that he wanted me. Come on, what did I know? I had been fourteen for one day!

His behavior, him doing this, was animalistic. And sex with him would become more and more so that way. Of course, there were times when he was soft and gentle, like our first time. But most of the time it was really fucking carnal! In fact, thinking back on it, there definitely were times that I tested my boundaries just to get some of that. And deep down, I think he knew it.

He just loved to show me who the boss was.

Anyway, we had laid there and I just clung to him. Being his right then eased my fears. And he held me, caressing me and kissing me. It was just like none of it had even happened. We went right back to being how we were. His dominance established, we could resume our activities. Our roles.

Snuggled into him, I whispered against his neck. "I thought you were going to... you know."

He kissed my forehead, rubbing my hair. "Edmond, when we do that, I want to be gentle. That first time, I'm going to need to take time with you."

He pushed me away from him, and for the first time I really looked at him. Without all the panic and adrenaline, I could really take him in. He was gorgeous, and he was fucking ripped! Dark brown hair covered his chest and legs, but his ass was almost bare. Just the cheeks mind you.

He wasn't a bear, which I have no problem with. (The hairier, the better, as far as I'm concerned.)

His skin was darker than mine, making me stand out like a sore thumb. He didn't seem to care, he fawned over me. Acting like I was something so special. I still didn't get it. Propping himself up on his elbow he looked down at me. "It's going to take some time to prepare you, Ed. I want you to enjoy it."

Grabbing a piece of my hair, he held it up to his mouth and kissed it. "After you get used to it," his face went into a devious smile "then we can be a little more rough." 

He grabbed me again, pulling me into him, growling into my neck! I just cringed and squirmed. Fake fighting it, when I was damn near swooning, wearing a huge smile.

Pushing himself up, he held out his hands to me. "Come on, lets take a shower."

The place, regardless of the size, had a real nice bathroom. Sunken tub with jets and a stand up shower, all done in stone. It had three shower nozzles. One big one up top in the center, and two others coming out from the sides, one from each. Two stone benches that you could sit on, or do other stuff on. Hint, hint.

Turning on the water, we stepped in. It was so fucking wonderful. Pulling my backside into the front of him, he ran his hands all over my front, washing our seed away. Running them down to my cock. I was getting hard again.

Bending me forward, I held out my hands bracing myself against the stone wall of the shower. The hot water spraying down onto my neck and shoulders, while he ran his fingers through the crack of my ass and over my hole. I moaned out as he slid a finger in all the way to the knuckle. "I want to be inside you so bad, Edmond... you have no idea."

Pumping the finger slowly in and out, I dropped my head, my legs shaking. I whined out! "Oh God..."

It felt so fucking good, and he could do it all he wanted. I knew the more that he did, the closer I was to having him inside of me. I couldn't wait. I started to whine a little. "I wanna go down on you. I wanna taste you. Please, Luc.." I was near fucking begging. I just wanted to feel him... lick him, have him in my mouth. Oh my God! I couldn't get enough!

"Not yet... but soon. I promise alright?" Pulling his finger in and out, he rubbed my back. My knees were getting weak. Bending his finger just a little, he pushed in harder and I about came apart!

I squealed out! "Ohhhoo my God! Oh my God!" It felt so fucking good, I thought I could almost cry. "Please! Don't stop! Don't stop! Oh my God!"

He actually fucking laughed! Pushing his finger in that much harder, bending it farther down, he rubbed me inside. This was my first experience cumming without my cock being touched at all. And I have to tell you, it was absolutely fucking amazing! My seed, literally ran off the tip of my cock. I couldn't even open my eyes. I just braced myself against the wall, trying to control the shaking in my legs.

You wanna make someone fucking beg. Hit that spot. That's when I knew, screw being the fucking top! He could have it! I wanted him in me, I wanted him to keep rubbing that fucking spot! All I could think, was if his finger felt this good, what would his cock feel like?

I finally fell to my knees. And he let me. He followed me down, keeping his middle finger buried to the hilt in my ass. One hand on my back, rubbing me, he rammed it in over and over. My hands splayed out on the stone floor, my hair all around my face as the water poured over us.

Something warm and slick flowed over my asshole. I started to raise up, to turn around and look, but his hand pushed me back down. "Ah Ah Ah... stay right there."

I realized it was lube, but he had somehow warmed it. Another finger was sliding in, next to the other, stretching my hole. I whined out! "Luc!"

He just rubbed my back harder, shushing me. "Shhh, just relax and let me open you up."

Very slowly, he pushed all the way in and just held them there for a minute. I was still hard as hell, it wasn't going to take much more and I'd be done in. Slowly, he pulled them both almost out and pushed back in. Speeding up nice and slow until I was about insane from it.

He leaned his body over mine, his free hand braced on the back of my neck, holding me down. Pushing his thick fingers all the way in, pushing down just enough on that glorious fucking spot.

He growled at me, "I want those beautiful fucking lips stretched around my cock! I want to fuck you so bad, Ed!"

Pushing my face down into my hands, into the stone tiles, he ground his fingers into me.

I screamed out, "Please! Fuck... Please... Yesss!" Shooting up into my own face and the shower floor. He let me go, turning me over to face him... I lay on my back, the hot water raining down onto me. My legs were fucking spent. I didn't even know how I was going to walk.

Real lightly, he lay down on top of me. Holding himself up, just enough so the stone floor wouldn't hurt. Kissing me lightly on the lips. "See, it doesn't take a whole lot to open you up. You're just that much closer to taking me. It'll get easier every time."

He laughed a little, "If you thought that was nice, just wait till I'm up inside you. Ed, I'm gonna have you screaming, you're going to love it."

I glanced down at his still hard cock. Running my tongue over my lips.

I smiled. But I couldn't help but wonder. "How can you take not being able to cum?" Then thinking about it, I turned my head, letting out a sharp breath. He could tell just from the pinched up way my face looked, what I was worried over.

Kissing me again, he raised up onto his knees and grabbed my hands, sitting me up, then pulling me up to stand. I leaned against the wall for a moment, getting my bearings. "You don't have to worry about me fucking your mom to relieve myself. I know that's what you're worried about."

I just stood there watching him as he washed up. My mouth hung open a little, listening to what he said. I couldn't believe it. "Believe it or not, Ed, your mother doesn't really care for sex that much. I don't know if it's because of stuff that happened with your Dad or not. But she's kind of... " He paused, like he had to think about how he was going to put it. "She likes to be held... she likes affection and closeness."

Now my mouth really dropped! All of what he said just made me question my mother's motives for moving him in even more. How could she _not_ want sex with him?

Grabbing me from the wall, he pulled me under the nozzle, drizzling shampoo onto my head, he started lathering me up, massaging my scalp. "I've never really _wanted_ to have sex with a woman. Only men, Ed. I care about your mother, but to be completely honest, if she wanted a lot of sex I wouldn't be with her. We've only done it once, and... " A bit of a nervous laugh came out of him, surprising me. "I had a real hard time keeping an erection. I ended up telling her that I have trouble with impotence."

Running his hands down my hair, he moved me back under the water letting the soap run over me, working my hair to get it all out. "She didn't seem to have an issue with it. In fact, she almost seemed relieved."

Just hearing him say it, I cringed. And the info he was feeding me just added to my list of questions. I literally dashed it away. I not only didn't want to... but, I couldn't think about it right then.

He chuckled.. "See, so you don't have to worry. I'll be saving all my energy for you."

Turning me to face him, he finished rinsing my hair, whispering into my ear. "Don't worry, I only want you, Ed."

I don't even think I can describe how relieved I was, about that part of things anyway. I had been so worried. Turning off the water, we toweled off and got out. Walking back into the bedroom, we started getting dressed. "Don't get mad at me, but... what is this place?"

Pulling a hair dryer out of the vanity, he motioned for me to come over. I sat down and started combing out my hair, watching him in the mirror. He was smiling at me as he plugged it in. "You don't have to worry about asking me normal questions, Ed. It's just stuff like in the car that gets to me."

Turning the dryer on low, he raised his voice, speaking over it. "It's something that myself and one of my business partners own together."

Running his fingers through my hair, blowing it dry. He looked at me in the mirror. "And before you ask, No, it's not anybody that I'm involved with. It was cheaper for us to buy it together. It has a lot of land to it. So, we share it. It's a place for us to bring somebody when we want privacy. So you and I will be spending a lot of time here." He smiled at the relieved expression I wore.

Once we were ready, he walked me through it. Knowing we didn't have a lot of time, it was brief, but I got a good look at the place. It wasn't huge. It had the one massive bathroom. Two bedrooms, which both adjoined to said bathroom. A decent sized kitchen and literally no dining room. But a good sized living area with a big stone fireplace. It was furnished real casually. Comfortably.

Getting back into the car, I turned to him... what I wanted to say, I didn't. I knew he wasn't ready to say it back. So instead, I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I feel better."

Smiling, he took my chin in his hand and kissed my mouth. "Good. I'm glad... so do I."

Watching the trees around us as he turned in the drive to head out. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. And I did. It was going to get to a point where I couldn't stand to be away from him. I have to admit, sex with him had always made me so emotional, and he ate it right up.

I guess, it wasn't just him. I was just starting to learn about myself. And even today I get that way. I need to be held after, I need to be told.

I took a deep breath and smiled, the mattress was going to be delivered. The new bedding was in the back seat, in bags. New pillows... he had spared no expense. He reached over and took my hand, holding it as he drove. I smiled. I really did feel better.

Rubbing the pad of his thumb across my hand. "I need to ask you, Ed, and I'm not sure if you know or not."

I turned to look at him, still feeling a bit high from all the pleasure.

Glancing at me between watching the road, the question that came out of his mouth floored me.

"Have you had all your shots?"


	18. The Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm going talk candidly to you, Edmond. I'm going to ask you some questions, and I'd like you to be honest with me, alright?"
> 
> I just nodded, watching him as he raised a leg, laying it over his knee at the ankle. "Luc told me how old you are. And I can only presume, that you and he are the only ones that know you're here right now. How am I doing so far?"

***

I had looked at him for a few minutes, thinking about it. I honestly couldn't remember when the last time was that I had gotten a shot. I just shook my head, "I really don't know. I know it's been quite awhile since I've had a shot."

He sucked in his bottom lip, biting on it... thinking. I turned in my seat as much as I could with the belt on, which after we had done our little stunt in the middle of the road earlier, I had decided it best to wear it. I didn't know why he had asked, but I wanted to give all I could. I mean, there was a reason he had asked, and I didn't think that he'd be asking my mother.

"I had most of my shots in the States. Then when we moved back here, I had a few more. I think I was eleven or twelve?"

I mean, with me being home schooled my mother probably wasn't as diligent as somebody that had to send their kid to school each year. It would have been dealt with during annual check-ups. Another thing I never thought of, it just wasn't. I hadn't even had a check up in a couple of years at least.

Now the only time I went was when I was bad sick and needed antibiotics or something, which didn't happen very often. Like I said, it'd been a couple of years. It took me a minute for it to register, to connect what I had seen before and dismissed in all the chaos.

The bandage on his arm.

Now, I beg all to please pardon my ignorance. At the time this was taking place, I was young and very inexperienced. Being with him was like a crash course in life for me. Sometimes I think I learned way too much, way too quickly. I know I did. But at least I'm the wiser for it all now, right? I think so.

"Luc... are we alright? I mean... "

Right then his phone went off and he glanced down at it. Letting out a sigh, he pulled over and stopped. Holding up his phone for me to see. It was my mother, wondering what was taking us. Dinner was ready, it had been.

Great.

He sent her a text back that we were on our way. Apologizing, that we had gotten sidetracked looking at everything. He chuckled devilishly, leaning over to give me a kiss. Hitting the send, he whispered to me, bringing a hand up and wrapping it around my neck, through my hair. "We were busy... weren't we?"

I just wanted to fucking melt, that's the only word I can use. God, the way he kissed me. Leaning into him, I ran my hands over all that stubble and up into his hair, cursing the seat belt for holding me back. Even with everything we had done and as spent as I had felt, I wanted to be in his fucking lap, grinding myself against him. I could've gone until I was sore and cumming dry.

Breaking away from the kiss, he looked into my eyes. "I need to tell you something, and I don't want you getting upset, alright?"

That quickly brought me back to reality, to the subject at hand. Instantly, I was serious. I know I wanted to be alright, I really did. But even with my inexperience, I was worried. Remembering the bandage, and now his question, and now this... I was worried.

Turning to me further, he took my hands and looked down at them, instead of into my eyes. "When I met your mother... I was with someone else."

I had pretty much surmised that. I mean, he was living with another guy. He continued looking at my hands, playing with them. "I wasn't planning on it becoming serious with your mother, Edmond."

Turning his head away, he blew out a sharp breath. "It really still isn't serious on my part really, except where you're concerned. We were more... _friends,_ than anything. Until I met you."

He looked up at me, into my eyes. Now all I could think about was what had ran through my mind the night of my celebration. When I had done all my weeping. When he couldn't talk and even through all my selfish suffering, I had thought about who he might be with and what they might be going through. And even though I had dashed it from my head, along with all the other shit that I should've been thinking about, it had still been in the back of my mind.

I held his hands tighter, "So, you... you left someone, for me? Because of me?" As much as I couldn't even fathom that, I had to believe what he was saying. He was coming clean about some of it anyway. A tiny, microscopic bit. Just a way to make me trust him more. _Believe_ that he was actually being honest with me.

Licking his lips, he tilted his head, his face full of desperation. "No! Listen, Edmond... we weren't going to last, even if I hadn't met you! We'd been having trouble for a long time and I.. I needed to get out of it. I just... he needed time... and I had to... I had to... it's complicated, Ed. He was torn up and I was unhappy, and I needed to take my time... that's all."

I just watched him and thought about it. I have to be so fucking honest here. I was so torn. I was flattered, I really was. I felt again, like I was something so special! He made me feel so fucking special, and I was so young and so naive. But I couldn't help but feel sympathy for the one that he had left. More than that, I was worried.

Because, if it hadn't worked with that person, what was going to make it work with me? And if he was staying with my mother just for me, what was going to happen to her? What was going to happen to both of us? Another thing that I couldn't let loose of now, was how long would he be able to put up with this charade? When was he going to get tired of it? How long would I be enough for him? My fucking mind was just reeling!

Now, I could never be with a man that had left someone else over me. I just couldn't. To me that is lower than fucking low! I mean, if your with someone and you're unhappy, you've put all in and just can't make it work, and you know it's not going to work. Then get the fuck out! Get out of it! Don't fucking cheat! God! Have the fucking stones to admit that it's not working and leave! Have some goddamn integrity!

Having a fallback, someone to go to, how can you say that you really loved either one? I don't know... anyway, enough of my rant.

I know, look at what I was doing right? My only excuse was that I was pretty much a kid. I was a kid and I was being manipulated. This was the first kind of love, relationship or _anything_ that had ever happened to me! And I can tell you that everything I went through, everything I did, had a huge effect on who I would become. Massive!

I stayed silent, watching him. "Ed.. you've never been in a relationship, you don't know."

He got quiet for a moment, and I just had to say it. "I don't want my mother to be hurt."

He just shook his head slowly. "I don't want her to be hurt either, Edmond. I care about her, I do. But I ask you again, how are we supposed to be together if I'm not in the picture somehow?"

Taking my chin in his hand, he lifted my head. "And don't tell me we'd leave. I'm not taking you anywhere until you're of age!"

I looked back down, that still hadn't helped how I felt. I held onto every little bit that he told me, right up until the very end when I had all of it. He just went on, while I struggled over how I felt about him and what we were doing. There was no good outcome to this. Even if he and I ended up together, she would be hurt and I'd never be able to show my face. Our relationship would be destroyed. The thought of living a lie for the rest of my life... it was unbearable.

"The last time I had sex with him was about three weeks ago... so, I got tested just to be safe. That's the reason for the bandage, Edmond. I knew that you and I would be together. I want us both to be safe!"

Turning back into his seat, he released my hand and grabbed the wheel, putting the car in drive. I just sat there, thinking it over... doing the math.

He watched the road, and I sputtered, trying to get what I was thinking to come out of my mouth, "You think... are you afraid there is a problem? Or.. "

"I don't think there is, but it never hurts to be safe. I want you to come to the doctor with me."

Now I fucking panicked! For a moment, all I could do was gape at him! "What!? Why do I need to go? I'm not sick!"

He laughed, patting my leg. "You're going to go and get a Hep shot, Edmond. It's just a precaution. It doesn't mean you're sick."

Giving my leg a squeeze, "Quit worrying, alright... you need to trust me. I know what's best for you."

You have no idea how all of this was making me feel like I was in way over my head. I was fucking drowning! And my only source of support, was the one that was pulling me under! I have never been one to just blindly follow someone. Just believe what they were saying. Especially, if I have doubts. Even at a younger age than that.

The only time my father ever struck me, was when he told me something and I turned around and looked it up on the computer. Then corrected him. [laughs...] It wasn't good.

I had no choice. I just nodded, listening to him and watching the road, thinking. "I have an appointment next week, Monday, to get my results. Which are good by the way. He would've sent me a text if anything were amiss." Turning his head, slightly, smiling at me, squeezing my leg to comfort me. "He's a friend of mine. You'll like him. I promise."

He evidently had all the right connections. A friend that he could own a fuck pad with. Which was what it was. He wasn't a hunter or an outdoorsman. Why own a place like that together, that was way out away from everything? And you'll find out more about that later, too. A doctor for a friend... of course, who wouldn't like to have a doc for a friend? But his reasoning behind taking me to this guy, instead of any other, was the fact that even though I was underage, he would treat me. He wouldn't turn Luc in.

We got home, showed my mother all the stuff he had bought me. Which just solidified shit in her eyes that he was this great thing that had been missing in my life. It was a fucking show to be sure. And even as uncomfortable as it was to see them together, I ate out there. I was social. Until the next day.

I went out, grabbed my breakfast and headed back into my room. I couldn't handle it. Not for any length of time. I just couldn't. At first, I was worried he was going to say something, or maybe she would. But she knew me. And he knew that it was hard for me. So he didn't. And that's the way the weekend went. All of it, which also worried me. Because, me being antisocial was easier when it was just her and I. Now, that wasn't the case. Now, I knew that he was there... with her, and it was a constant struggle to concentrate on anything.

So, I emailed my friend, trying to get some support from anyone without giving too much away. I didn't want to put that much pressure onto a friend either. He was my age for fuck's sake. He still hadn't come out to his own parents. He was still trying to feel his way through things, just like I was! He didn't need to handle my shit too.

Of course, we are still long distance friends to this day, Skyping, etc as often as possible. With my partner being American, and all of his family being here and me being estranged from my surviving family in France, us going there is rare. Which kind of sucks, cause we've only been able to get together with him and his partner once in person. But after he finally did find out about everything that I went through, he was like. "I wish you had've told me, Edmond."

And I was like. "No, you don't. Cause it was fucked up."

We will be friends till we die. But I'll never regret that I didn't involve him. Even as bad as he felt that I went through it all alone.

I called him. I needed to hear a friendly voice. A voice that I knew wasn't lying to me, a voice I could trust. I did tell him that the guy I was with wanted me to get a Hep shot. While we talked, we both looked shit up. And that's exactly what it was for... shit. Mostly. [Laughs again..]

Hepatitis A. Anyone that is rimming; sucking cock after it's been in your ass, or someone's tongue, after they've had it in your ass. Or someone that's been exposed to it.

Fecal matter, basically. Even though you don't see it, the bacteria is still there. There's actually more than a few more things, that one can get from that. If you're into casual, not a good idea. Just like not wearing a condom. But hey, this is just one of the reasons I'm glad I'm finally in a stable relationship, with a faithful partner. Too much shit out there to worry over. And I like sex _way_ too much, to not have it. Hence the reason so many risk their health and lives having unprotected sex. But I guess anyone that's reading this probably feels the same way. It's no secret.

I absolutely hated whenever Luc would use condoms. He's the only guy that ever did with me. My current partner was tested before we were active, as was I. So we have never used. But the second guy I was with, the one that I most definitely should've used one with. I never did. A bit of that was not my choice as well, as you'll find out too. Again... my age.

After it was over with both of them, I knew I should have been tested and I didn't out of fear.

I know... stupid again. At least I wasn't with anyone during that period.

So my friend is like, "Well... if he's clean, like he says his tests are, then he just wants you to get the shot as a precaution. You're good to go. No worries, as long as he's faithful." We both got quiet for a moment. My friend's voice coming through the phone. "He is faithful... isn't he, Ed?"

I let out a deep breath. "Yeah... he is."

Our conversation went on from there. But later on he would tell me that my pause had bothered him. He told me years later that he'd never forget that conversation. Saying that he'd wanted to talk more about it, but could tell that I was upset. That there was stuff I wasn't telling him. He figured I had my reasons, so he wouldn't pressure me.

I won't name him, simply because I can't come up with a fake one that does him justice. So, I'll leave it at that. Of course, I had assumed everyone knew, the people involved aren't being called by their real names for privacy's sake.

Anyway, we protected each other, we were there for each other. I mean, we really didn't have anyone else to go to over this kind of stuff. Just as many other young people don't, and it's sad. Just think how many lives would be easier, and would turn out different. How many lives would be saved; if not only young people, but people of all ages could actually talk to, and have the support of someone that wasn't fucking closed minded about their sexual orientation and gender. It would change the world. I think.

But just talking to him about what I could, made me feel better. The rest, I had to deal with on my own.

Basically, I drank a bottle of wine in a couple of days, and played my game when I wasn't talking or emailing back and forth with him. Which I put into a locked folder. A time was coming when nothing I had would be sacred. I didn't want to lose any more than I already was going to.

Nothing literally happened. I expected it to and it didn't. Was I bummed? Not really. I thought I would be, but I was actually relieved. I needed a break from all the fucking stress. He wanted to get her used to the idea of him being there. Again, solidify.

I know he told her that he planned to work from home on his laptop. I did notice that he'd set up a type of office in the corner of the parlor. Computer desk, printer/fax, along with his own desktop and docking station for his laptop. So he was serious about that at least. The only time he would be gone was when he had meetings.

I found out that he was basically a contractor with a software company. He could pretty much make his own hours, unless they had shit going on where he needed to really be there. So basically, he said he would be gone, like, two or three days a week.

And as much as I wanted things to progress between us, I couldn't wait for that to come. I planned to do some snooping. I had to talk to Reynaud!

He also, was working real hard on getting my mother back with Aunt Liane. Another reason that he didn't spend a lot of time with me over the weekend. He didn't want to change the normal routine a ton. He wanted her to think that life would continue on the way it had been, and that I would be my normal self with him there.

The weekend went by and Monday came. My mother actually brought my breakfast to me, which was rare. Normally she made me come out and get it, simply because it made me leave my room. She was also ready to leave. I knew where she was going, she didn't have to tell me. There had been plenty of mornings that my plate was in the micro when I got up. Plenty of nights I didn't see her at all.

Before she could say anything, I chuckled, "I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away from each other for long, will you be home for dinner?"

My mother's face went into a sheepish grin. My aunt lived pretty far out in the country, in an old farm house. It took awhile just to get there. So usually when they hung out, it was an all day affair. She would cook something big a couple times a week, and that way I'd have leftovers to nuke. Then, my aunt came into town herself, at least once or twice a week. They were together more often than not.

"If I'm not, will you two be alright?"

Luc walked up from behind her, just in the jeans and shirt he wore, he looked incredible. He was growing out his beard, his dark green shirt, hugging him in all the right ways, and now I knew what was underneath. I very quickly averted my eyes.

"We'll be fine, I'll take him out to eat. We'll have a boys night out." Winking at me, he kissed her cheek.

I set my plate down, giving her a hug. "Take your time, have fun. We'll be fine."

I could tell she was relieved that I was handling things so well. She walked out, gathering her coat and purse, a huge smile on her face as she left. As soon as the door closed, he turned to me. "I want you to change your clothes."

I had gotten out of the shower and had dressed. Not knowing when said appointment was, I wanted to be ready. Looking down at myself, I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I looked up at him, getting ready to question. He had literally gone to my closet and was rifling through my drawers, tossing things around. I just stood there watching him as he picked out a different pair of jeans and a shirt.

Can you say goodbye freedom? I did, right then. No, that was pretty much the day he fucking walked into our house! I should have just waved goodbye as it pulled out of the goddamn driveway. Another reason that I found out later why he liked _real_ young men. Or should I say young teens. Because lets be honest, I was barely a man.

Massive control freak.

Walking up to me, he held them out. "I've hardly been able to see you all weekend, I am taking you out and I want you to look how _I_ want." He didn't say it in a real curt fashion, but he was direct. Very direct. In fact, he acted like having to be separated from me all weekend, and being only with her, had been a real strain on him. It had.

But that would change as well.

I took them, setting them on the bed and turned to get undressed. He walked over to my computer desk, coffee in hand. "You can eat first, Edmond."

I rushed over, taking a few quick bites of egg. Grabbing my cup, I washed it down. Sitting at my computer, he watched me, smiling. "So... when is the appointment?"

"Ten. I'm taking you to lunch after. Then," looking at his watch, "the mattress should be here between three and four."

Abandoning the food, I was too nervous to eat, I started to get undressed. Him watching me the whole time, his eyes travelling over my body. "I'm going to cook dinner for us tonight at my place. Then, I'm going to shave you."

I have to admit, I almost laughed out loud. But I reigned it in, smiling huge. "Shave me?"

His face was covered in a lazy grin, his eyes were heavy. He was getting turned on just from watching me. "Lets face it, Edmond, you hardly have any hair to speak of. We may as well shave it. I want you to be smooth."

Leaning back in the chair, he chuckled. "I don't like grass on my playground."

I giggled, knowing my face was bright red just from the heat coming off it. He took another drink of coffee. "I'm also going to buy you some different underwear. I can't stand what you have! Not that you don't look good now, but... I know what I like."

I finished dressing and guzzled my coffee as he adjusted my hair. "You ready?"

***

I know it had to be a stroke of luck that his doctor's office was on the other side of town from where my mother and aunt frequented. The practice was out of an older home. Evidently he lived there, too. That would come in handy.

We sat in the office for only a few minutes. The receptionist eyed me, but never once asked who I was. He checked in, writing his name on a sheet and we sat down. An older man, well dressed and wearing a lab coat, came out and walked over to us. Luc stood up, extending a hand to him. His eyes briefly flashing over to me and then back as they both smiled, shaking hands. "Come on back..."

He was definitely older than Luc, but not old. Again with the age thing. I was fourteen, Luc was going on thirty two. To me, Luc was kind of old. At the time anyway. This guy must have been in his forties. He was nice looking, not gorgeous, but definitely nice looking. Dark, wavy hair, a little bit of grey here and there, but not much. Close to Luc's weight, but a little taller. From what I could see, he seemed to be in decent shape.

Just from the few minutes that they made small talk on our way back to the room, he seemed genuinely friendly. Which helped a ton at making me feel at ease. I could definitely tell from the way they spoke that they were personal friends.

As soon as we got in there, he turned to me, holding out his hand. "Edmond? Is it? We're going to stay on a first name basis, alright? I'm Mathieu"

He smiled, laugh lines forming around his eyes, making him even more attractive. I just nodded, trying to be as calm as possible, biting my lip.

Motioning to the padded table, "Why don't you have a seat up here, alright?"

Turning to Luc, "Could you come in here with me for a moment? I need to give you your own details." He turned back to me, "We'll be right back, please make yourself comfortable."

Luc smiled at me, then turned as the doctor picked up what looked to be a patient file and they walked into an adjoining room, closing the door. I strained to hear. It was a little low, but I heard everything.

First, I could hear Luc talking. "What's this all about Matt? You already gave me this."

Right then Mathieu cut him off. He had lowered his voice, but still, I heard every word. "How old is he?"

There was a pause. I could only imagine the look on Luc's face. "He's old enough."

Mathieu broke him off, "That's not the answer I want and you know it! How old?!"

I could hear Luc sigh. "He's fourteen."

Another pause. I could just imagine the doctor, leaning closer as he talked. "Fourteen! Do you know the position you're putting me in?! Both of you! My friendship no longer extends to him! He's lucky that I haven't turned him in! But I do still consider you a friend, and you're on thin ice! This is the last time, Luc! The last time! You can tell him that, too! And if you don't, I will!!"

Before he got done, Luc had been shushing him. Trying to get him to lower his voice. "Alright! Alright!"

It'd taken me a minute of listening, but before Mathieu was finished, I realized that _I_ was not the other person that he was referring to.

The door opened up and a red faced, pissed off looking Luc came in first, followed by the doctor. I kept my head down, trying to keep my eyes in my lap, biting on my lip and trying to act like I hadn't heard anything. What happened next, completely blew me away! Mathieu smiled at me, turned to Luc and asked him to leave. "If you'd go into the waiting room for me, I'd like to examine him before I give him the vaccination."

My eyes got wide. I knew my fucking mouth dropped open. I knew that Luc wanted to stay with me, and in a moment, I'd find out why. Luc was completely shocked! His hands went to his hips. He looked at me, then back to the Dr. I could see the color rising back up in his face. He wasn't used to being told what to do or being questioned. I could see that now. It wasn't just a me thing, it was a _no matter what,_ thing!

He shook his head, putting up his hands a little, "Sure... no problem."

Mathieu literally watched him descend down the hallway, then shut the door and pulled up a chair and sat down. Clearing his throat, "Are you alright talking to me, Edmond? Would you like some water... anything?"

I nodded my head, "I'm alright, I don't need anything." I fidgeted a little, fingering the paper on the table.

"I'm going talk candidly to you, Edmond. I'm going to ask you some questions, and I'd like you to be honest with me, alright?"

I just nodded, watching as he raised a leg, laying it over his knee at the ankle. "Luc told me how old you are. And I can only presume, that you and he, are the only ones that know you're here right now. How am I doing so far?"

Nodding my head, feeling the color rising up in my face. "Yes."

Lowering his other foot to the floor, he stood and walked over to me. Very quietly, "Are you here... doing this, because you want to?"

He was looking me right in the eye. I nodded, looking at him. "Yes."

My chest was starting to tighten up. The more he talked, the more questions he asked, the deeper in I felt I was getting. If this guy was Luc's friend, and he was asking me all this, I realized the reason that he wanted Luc gone. Because with him there, I wouldn't have said shit even if I'd had a mouthful.

Letting out a breath, he just watched me and nodded. "Alright. That at least makes me feel a little better. Have you ever been with a man? Is Luc your first?"

I swallowed, "Yes.. I mean, no. I've never been with anyone... he's my first."

He turned, going over to a tray that held an array of things on it. Things I hadn't even noticed because I was so engrossed in their conversation and now ours. "Did he explain to you why he wants you to have this vaccination?"

I shook my head no. And _he_ hadn't. He simply told me that it would protect me. So, that's what I said. I wasn't going to go into what I'd learned online. "He said it would protect me. That he knew what was best."

After that last part, I kind of looked at him like I'd spilled the beans. I bit my lip, looking down into my lap.

"Edmond... look at me please."

I looked up. He had leaned back into the counter, crossing his arms with a bit of a frown on his face. "He wants you to have this shot because he wants to protect you from Hepatitis A. Which can be passed from having unprotected anilingus. Do you know what that is?"

I just nodded.

"You can also get it from going down on him after he's been inside of you. It can be passed from fecal matter. Now, I know that might sound disgusting. But just because you don't see anything, doesn't mean it's not there. The bacteria is still there. You also need to realize, Edmond, that other diseases can be transmitted that way. Other STD's. Also Hepatitis C, which there is currently no vaccination for. You would've had your Hep B shot when you were small, so there's probably no need to worry over that."

Going over to the small sink that was situated inside the counter area, he washed his hands as he spoke. "Making sure you are both clean is another real important thing, alright? And I know this sounds funny, but don't brush your teeth right before sex. Any cuts or abrasions in your mouth, can heighten your risk. After you get this shot, you'll want to wait at least three weeks, I'd say, before you do any of what I've just mentioned. But still, anything else, and you're still at risk. Now, I know, and I feel at ease telling you this, because he's the one that brought you in here. But he's tested clean... for everything. And I know he's had this vaccination, because I was the one that gave it to him. But if he's performing it on you, and then kissing you, you should wait. And he knows that."

Of course, what I was thinking right then, was hell, it's too fucking late for that then! He'd had his tongue in my ass the other night and then we'd kissed.

He paused for just a moment, like he was thinking about something. "I want to give you a physical before I give you this shot. Is that going to be alright?"

He turned to me as he dried his hands off. I just nodded. It was probably a good idea, being that I hadn't had one in a long time. Walking toward me, he took his stethoscope and put it up to my chest, listening to my heart, moving it around. Removing it, he felt the glands along my neck. The whole shot, he looked everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Walking back over to the table, he began to put on latex gloves. "Have you ever had a rectal exam?"

I swallowed, "No. I mean, I thought that was just for older men. "

He turned to me. "I know that a lot of doctors don't do this until a man reaches a certain age. I know however, that a man that is anally active needs to be checked more often. As soon as they become active in fact."

Picking up the lubricant, he turned to me. "It's also beneficial to make sure that the whole anal area is healthy. Not just the prostate. The problem is, many people don't feel comfortable telling their doctor that they're gay or that they are anally active. Are you alright with this part of the exam?"

I just nodded. "Alright, I need you to stand up and lower your pants, then bend over the table and relax."

I laid across it attempting to relax. "Alright, you're going to feel something cold and wet. That's the lubrication, then you'll feel some pressure as I insert my finger, alright? I want you to relax the best you can and breath."

Putting one hand onto my cheeks, he spread me a little as he smeared some of the lube across my hole, then pushed in real slowly. "Doing okay?"

I said yes, laying there. It only took a minute, but while he was poking around. "Can I ask you something?"

He pulled out, I could hear him grabbing a paper towel, then felt it, as he wiped my ass up.

"Alright, you can stand up. I'd like to check something else." I turned around standing up and leaning my backside into the table. He pulled off the glove he had used to perform the anal check and tossed it. Then lifted my cock with one hand... the bare hand, and took hold of my testicles with the other. I jumped a little. "Sorry, just checking you for any other problems. Yes, go ahead."

Taking off the other glove, he tossed it and walked over to the sink, washing his hands again. Only to turn around and put on another pair of gloves. I got myself back in order and got back up on the table. Walking over to me with a syringe and an alcohol swab, he gestured at my arm. I raised my sleeve, looking down as he swabbed it across my upper arm.

"Are you gay?"

He chuckled as he gave me the shot. He was quick at least, I tried not to flinch but muscle shots hurt. I know, call me a wimp. After slapping a band aid across it, he took off the gloves and washed his hands again.

Leaning back against the counter, he looked at me. "Yes, I am. Does that matter to you?"

"Yes. It makes me feel better, I guess."

Now, I wholeheartedly agreed, and still do, with everything that he said just then. He was very knowledgeable, and I think the fact that he was gay, he was more prone to make sure that his gay clients could open up to him, thus aiding in their health. He was proactive. You want to be able to be open with someone, and not have to listen to them give their _OPINION_ about the fact that they don't agree with anal sex!

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of cool Doctors out there that are open minded, that everyone can feel comfortable with. Straight or gay. But there are also some not so cool ones. After having my share of the latter, my partner and I finally found a guy, (that's straight) that is amazing. We can tell him anything, be open and honest, and feel good about going.

But I honestly believed right then also, that the only reason he inspected me the way he did, was to see if I had any injuries or damage. It wasn't just my ass either. If I had to lower my pants, he could inspect me all the way around for marks, etc.

Moving on.

"Good. Look, right now I can't even make a file for you. I think that you know the ramifications I could face just for him bringing you here. You're underage, and your parents don't know."

He pushed away from the counter, "Off the record... man to man. I've been friends with Luc for a very long time, Edmond. And I am gay, but that doesn't mean that I agree with his methods. I don't want you to get upset with me, and you can go out there and tell him every word that I say. But, Edmond... you are way too young to be with him."

Pulling a business card out of his pocket, he took out a pen and wrote a number down on it, then handed it to me. Looking me in the eye. "That is my cell number, Edmond. If you need anything... _anything!_ I want you to call me. Night or day. Do you understand?"

I nodded.

He asked me some more questions, which at first, I was hesitant to answer. My address for one. I gave him my cell number. He promised he wouldn't tell my mother, or send anything to the house. Luc had agreed to pay my bill. So I didn't owe him anything.

As if everything he already asked me didn't freak me out enough! Especially after hearing what he'd said to Luc. What he said to me last, really jarred me. It stayed with me. It always will. Because I fucking lied. I had no choice.

I held onto the card, looking at him. "I'm going to ask you one last thing, and it's very important that you tell me the truth. Edmond, do you feel safe with Luc?"

"Yes."

"Don't let him take that card from you. And if he does, you remember my name, you remember where this place is. My home phone is listed... okay?"

I nodded.

"Alright, we're done... you can go."

Before I opened the door, I turned to him. "Thank you."

He nodded, "You're welcome. And remember what I said, Edmond. Anything... you can call me."


	19. Gasping For Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole way home, he didn't speak. He wouldn't even look at me. I sat there curled up in the seat, feeling like I had a hundred pounds of weight on my chest, tears rolling down my face. I almost started begging him then.
> 
> I know now, what I did wrong, to make him question me. Other than not knowing when to shut up, I had gotten upset. I had shown my fear. And the more upset I got, the more guilty he knew that I was.

I fell for you, what have I become?  
I can't imagine the truth  
Let me  
Let me fall, fall away  
Without a trace, without a trace  
Let me fall, all the way  
Without a trace, without a tra-

***

As soon as the door was closed, I shoved the card into my front pocket. Hoping that it was thin enough, that if he decided to feel me up it wouldn't be noticed. Trying my best to put on a happy face, I walked toward the waiting room.

Luc was on his phone. He appeared to be texting. Which just made me wonder over everything that Mathieu had said even more. It made me wonder if he wasn't texting the other individual, letting him know their doctor friend, was a friend no more?

As soon as he saw me he jumped up, sticking his phone in his back pocket. Holding my coat for me so I could put it on, he spoke softly, "Come on, lets get out of here. Are you hungry?"

I just nodded. Again, as soon as we were in the car, away from the ears of others, he barraged me with questions. He started the car to let it warm, turning to me in his seat, his face full of concern. "So, what happened? What did he say?"

I knew that this was going to happen, so I tried to stay calm. Shaking my head, I shrugged my shoulders. "Not a whole lot really. He gave me a checkup. He told me about the shot and what it was for. He asked me if you were my first."

The pissed off look was back, "Is that it?" Staring me down.

I shrugged, "Yeah... I mean, after he gave me a rectal exam."

His hand gripped the steering wheel so hard I thought it would break. He sputtered. "What!? He gave you a fucking anal exam! What the hell for?! You're only fourteen for Christ sakes!"

I just shook my head, shrugging my shoulders like _Hey! I'm just along for the ride. You're the one that brought me here._

The look on his face was fucking priceless. "You told him that I was your first didn't you?!"

I nodded. "Yes, but he said that he felt I should have one. You know, being that I'm going to be active."

I was torn between wanting to suck up and wanting to keep him riled. Again, chalk it up to my age and lack of maturity. I was poking the bear.

I put my hands on his thighs, looking down into his lap. "Maybe he just wanted to see... you know, if we'd actually done anything?"

Looking back up into his face, I raised a hand, flipping my hair over my shoulder. "Can he tell? You know... if I have or not, by doing that? By looking?"

He watched my face close. I knew he was looking for holes in my story. Trying to see if I was lying. "No, not if there's no damage."

He shook his head, staring back out the window at the door we had come out of. "You can tell if someone's been fucked if it's immediately after. But I really doubt, Edmond, that he'd be able to tell even from the inside."

Of course, now I know even for someone that's been a bottom for years, that if you're not literally doing risky or damaging stuff it can be almost impossible to tell. Of course, like he said, if it's immediately after then yeah. I've seen my own hole after just being fucked. You can tell. But I didn't know that then.

He was getting worried. Turning back to me, he licked his lips. Eyes narrowed. His jaw set. "Is that it? Is that all he said?"

I let out a deep breath, looking away. "Well... he said... he said that you were way too old for me."

His hand came up to my face. Firmly, but gently, taking hold of my jaw he turned my head so I had to face him. He was pissed. There was no doubt I was on shaky ground. His mouth was partially open, the redness in his face darkening, working it's way up to his hairline.

"What else did he say, Edmond? You'd better be telling me the truth! It's important!"

"That's all. I promise! I don't want you to get into trouble." I could feel that dreaded fucking heat coming up into my face again. That creeping itch.

He froze, his eyes got huge! Turning his head, he looked at the office again, put the car into drive and took off! "We're going to eat at home, we need to talk!"

I sniffed, blinking my eyes. The tears were going to come. I'm a horrible liar. I am. I fucking suck at it! It was one thing to play around and tease him. And another completely different thing, to not collapse under the pressure of an interrogation. And he was going to fucking drill me. I knew it.

Salty fluid ran down my face, I was near sobbing. Pulling my feet up into the seat, I wrapped my arms around my knees. "But... we are talking... right now... "

I knew he was absolutely livid that Mathieu had asked him to leave, and he knew exactly why he had. I also knew even as adamant as I was, he didn't believe everything I told him. He knew I was leaving things out.

Now I was worried. After the incident at the house... cabin, whatever the fuck you want to call it. I was starting to fear him. Not like real fear for my life. Because I knew that he wouldn't do anything to kill me. But the more domineering he became, the more I feared he would hurt me to keep me in line.

Even as hot as it ended up, and as much as I ended up enjoying it, I had been freaked out. I was actually still a bit in shock over it. Almost like a surreal feeling.

I know now what I did wrong to make him question me. Other than not knowing when to shut up, I had gotten upset. I had shown my fear. And the more upset I got, the more guilty he knew that I was.

The whole way home, he didn't speak. He wouldn't even look at me. I sat there curled up in the seat, feeling like I had a hundred pounds of weight on my chest, tears rolling down my face. I almost started begging him right then.

This... this right here, was the shit that reminded me of my father. I had been terrified of him, and he knew it. [my father] Even though he had only raised his hand to me once, he'd never had to hit me or my mom to make us fear him. All he had to do was get angry.

Pure dread.

I was afraid of being punished.

Because, even though he had said the whole, 'I'm gonna beat your bare ass and fuck you' bit. I knew deep down, that him getting mad enough to actually punish me, meant a lot more than that.

We pulled into the drive. He got out, came around and opened my door. Standing there with this angry look on his face, glaring down at me. I got out, wiped my face and followed him in. Dreading every single step. We walked in. He passed the table in the parlor, dropping his keys onto it and walked directly into my room.

I thought that I was going to be fucking sick. Already, my breathing was starting to shut down from panic. Now, you all may think that I'm a big pussy. But let me tell you. After going through what we did before my dad died, my mother wanted things calm. Very calm. Simply because we couldn't, and didn't _want_ to handle anymore fucking stress! And they had been calm, until Luc came into the picture.

Anyone that has anxiety issues or panic attacks, they will understand what this is like. What it feels like before you completely just shut down and pass out. I walked toward my bedroom, feeling like my feet weighed a ton. He stood in there, just standing and waiting. Staring at me.

Now, let me give everyone if not a bit of advice, just some fucking insight, of what _not_ to do. Please. When you are going to have a real serious or negative discussion, perhaps an argument or a fight. Stay the hell away from your bedroom! Do _not_ do it in there!

Why? You may be asking. Well I will tell you. And after years of fucking therapy, I can assure you that I know what the fuck I say is true!

You want your bedroom to be a place that you associate with good feelings. Positive things. A place of pleasure and relaxation. Every fight, every time he got angry, every time he punished me. Every time he fucked me when he was angry. _Every time_ it was really rough. For some unknown reason, it was always in the fucking bedroom!

When any other time, we were fucking on the tables, the furniture, every room we could use... except when he was angry. Whether it be at our house, his place, wherever. When he was angry, it was in the bedroom. I literally to this fucking day, have a stigma about the goddamned bedroom.

Now I also know, that I said he didn't use sex as a punishment. He didn't. He wasn't mean to me while we had sex. But there were definitely times that he was angry when he fucked me. There were times that it was really rough, simply because he was working out his frustration on me. Those times, I didn't really see it as punishment. He didn't say it was. But I guess it kind of was.

Sometimes I think that he wanted me to associate the bedroom with punishment, and maybe he did. Who knows. Anyway! Just please, don't do it.

I walked in, and I can only imagine what my face looked like. I know it felt like it was dragging on the damned ground. "Shut the door, Edmond..."

Tears were running down my face. He knew I was so guilty. God! I leaned back, pushing against the door until it latched. This is another fucking thing he did that I hated! So fucking condescending. "Why are you crying, Edmond?"

I just shook my head, more tears fell. He walked closer to me, my back against the door. I couldn't go anywhere. "If you weren't hiding shit from me, you wouldn't be crying would you?!"

I swallowed, my voice coming out all raspy and shaken. "You're mad at me!"

Walking right up into my face, putting a hand up on each side of my head and leaned into me. "I'm mad because you're hiding shit from me! What the fuck, Edmond!? I thought you cared about me? I thought you wanted me to be with you!?"

Now I was sobbing, my chest hitching. I was literally pressing back into the door, my hands were splayed out onto the wood behind me. I cried out! "I do! I do love you! I don't want you to leave!"

Leaning down into my face, he calmly spoke. "Then you need to tell me what he said. Everything. Do you understand me? Because if he turns me in... if I go to jail, I won't be with you."

I was near hysterics! I grabbed onto his shirt, pushing my head into his chest. My body, shaking so hard... my mouth a quivery mess. It's a miracle he could understand me at all. "I heard... what he said to you... when you were... in the other room!"

My voice just kept spiraling higher and higher. "He... asked me... if... I... felt... "

That was it. I was at the end. I clutched at his shirt, shaking convulsively. Fish out of water. That's me, right before I go down. Mouth and eyes wide, clutching at my throat and chest with clawed hands! Gasping for breath! I had no idea what he was doing or how he was reacting. I was oblivious.

I was out of oxygen, and I dropped. I didn't even feel it when I hit the floor. There was no falling sensation, nothing. Everything went black before that happened.

**

Coming to from one of these is kind of strange all on it's own. Cause it's almost like waking up from anesthesia. Except when you come to, it's like swimming up from somewhere black. My eyes are always open before I can even really see. It actually takes time for my vision to completely come back, and I don't ever remember anything about going under or being under.

When I finally came to and was really aware, we were both on my bed. He was completely curled up around me. His arms around me, his hands holding mine. There was a cold rag on my forehead, and he was scared.

Scared, because he was really worried about me? Or scared because if something happened to me, he'd have to explain it to my mother? Not completely sure. But I think it was leaning more toward the latter.

I moved around a little, swallowing and taking in a few good deep breaths. He was whispering into my ear, pushing himself up onto an elbow so he could see my face. Pulling the rag from my forehead. "Ed... are you alright?"

I just nodded, looking at him, just breathing. I could feel a massive headache coming on. Another side effect. Overload of adrenaline and blood pressure, combined with all the crying. He leaned down and kissed my cheek, "You scared me to death. I thought I lost you. What the hell happened?"

Now, I would've assumed that my mother, in telling him all that she'd said she had, would've told him about my attacks. The fact that they were a regular thing before my asshole father died. I found out later that she _did_ tell him. He'd just never witnessed one.

He had been freaked out. Later, telling me that he had been checking me for a heartbeat. Trying to make sure that I was still breathing. He was afraid he was going to have to call an ambulance, and when he pretty much figured that I just passed out, he put me on the bed and got a cold rag.

What I was thinking was, _What if I'd had a fucking heart attack or something?_ Jesus! I could've fucking died, and _he_ was worried over covering his ass!

I felt kind of hung over, which was common for me as well. "I had an attack... "

I swallowed, squinting my eyes against the oncoming pain, straining to sit up. "Pills... headache.... fuck!"

I was holding my head. Just sitting up, I was seeing stars and my ears were ringing. He got up and walked to the bathroom. Holding my head in my hands, I spoke to him from the bed. "Just the pain pills... in the cabinet."

I heard him. Heard bottles of pills being handled. Then the faucet. Walking back out to me, he held two bottles and a cup of water. And he was staring at me. "Ed... these are your mom's. This is Demerol."

I knew what they were, because there were no other pills in the cabinet. Just those.

Sitting down on the side of the bed, I literally was hearing a bass drum in my head. "Please... just give me the pills!" He sat there, just gawking at me. Finally I reached out, grabbed the bottle from his hand and opened it, shaking two out into my palm. He handed me the water and remained silent, watching me as I swallowed them down.

I laid back down, facing the wall. He just sat there. After a moment, he picked up the bottle I had left on the bed. "Ed... Demerol and Xanax? These are your mom's. She's letting you take these?"

Taking a deep breath... what I wanted was wine. Wine and silence. But I knew that I wouldn't get either. I talked real low, attempting to stay detached so I wouldn't get upset all over again. "The pills are mine. She's been getting them for me for a long time. She didn't want me to have to deal with a bunch of doctors after we got back here, so she went. They think they're for her."

Now, I could almost envision the look on his face. I could tell he was staring at me. I could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. Right then I didn't give a shit about whether or not he would think I was too much trouble. I didn't care what he thought. I just wanted my headache to go away and I wanted to decompress.

When my father was alive, he wouldn't allow her to take me to a doctor for my attacks. Probably because he didn't want someone finding out that he was terrorizing his wife and son. To the fucking point that I had night terrors. To the point that I was a bed-wetter until we moved back to France at the age of ten. She would wash my bedding after he left in the mornings, and got me mattress covers to protect the mattress. Anytime he was gone overnight, she was in my bed with me.

When he was home, he would force her to stay in their room. Calling me all kinds of fucking horrible names. Like I said, a real asshole from hell. When we got back, it took me some time to calm. I mean things were better, but I was pretty fucked up.

The fact that I was painfully shy and withdrawn, the thought of talking to a counselor about sent me over the edge. Just her talking to me about possibly talking to someone the first time had sent me into an attack. The thought of having to re-live everything in front of a stranger. There was no fucking way that I could do it!

So, she went and found a doc that would write scripts easy. There are plenty that will. It's just finding the right one. She got low doses of each and made sure that I took them only when I absolutely had to. And that's what I told him. That is also the day that I started smoking pot. If he ever did anything good for me... that was it. Well, somewhat good, I guess.

Now, I realized later, that he just wanted me to be able to handle shit without flipping out and having attacks and passing out. I did realize that later. It helped him with me, and it helped me cope. His motivations, whether right or wrong, smoking _did_ help me through it. So I was at least thankful for that.

He gave me a one hitter and that became my de-stressor. After just a short time, I didn't need the Xanax at all, which I never used a lot of anyway. And I only used the Demerol when I had a real bad headache. Which even with all the stress I ended up going through, it was pot and wine that kept me fucking sane.

Until the very end anyway.

To this day, I periodically use it to relax. Of course, sometimes more than one hit. But it has allowed me to get off the other meds that I had so depended on for my anxiety. To me, this was and is, much better for me.

He literally left the pills on the nightstand, went out into the kitchen and cooked for me... for us, allowing me to lay there and relax. He brought in the food and I ate, completely silent. He took our plates away and I fell asleep. I slept through the mattress and box springs being delivered. When I woke, he had cleaned the kitchen, taken care of my pills, and had packed. Not for just himself either, but for us.

I just stood out in the kitchen, looking at the overnight bag. The mattress, the springs and the frame, all leaned up against the wall in the living room. "Where are we going?"

Grabbing our coats, he held mine open for me. "My place... just for the night. You're mother sent me a message. Her and Liane want to go out to the cemetery tomorrow, so she's staying the night there. So _we_ are going to go do our own thing."

Now into my jacket, he came up to me, wrapping his arms around me and hugged me. "I know you need to relax. I'm sorry about getting so mad. I was just worried. I don't want to lose you."

Taking a deep breath, I spoke against his chest. "I just can't take it when you get so angry. I don't want you to leave."

All I could think about was the card in my pocket, and what would happen if he found it. Because I wasn't going to have any privacy. None. And he was so possessive and suspicious as hell. He controlled everything that I fucking did. So, I reached into my pocket and pulled it out. I backed away from him and held it out to him. He looked down at the card, taking it, then looked at me.

Taking another deep breath, I looked him square in the eyes and said, "He asked me if I felt safe with you. I told him yes. Before I left, he gave me this. He told me not to let you take it."

I watched his face for any sign of anger... there was none. "I wanted to give it to you, Luc, but you were already so mad... I was afraid."

Without even waiting for a response, I eased back into his arms, putting my face into his chest. "I don't need it. I only need you... that's all."

He spoke into my hair, "Thank you, Edmond."

***

I know. You may be thinking _You idiot!_

But in reality, this was the best move with him I think that I ever made. Because it made him trust me. If not completely, a lot more. Enough so that he started letting his guard down around me. Because, if I was willing to give him this card when I could've used it and turned him in, at least used it to get out of the situation I was in. It showed him I was on his side.

I was learning. This was the only way that I would get the information I wanted. I knew he would never tell me. I would have to be smart about it. He tucked the card into his wallet and we left. He didn't bring Mathieu up again, at least not to me. And that didn't happen until after we'd made love and he thought that I was asleep.

Now, we got there, and I knew right away that this place was being used regularly. How do I know this? Because he wanted me to cook with him. He knew that I loved to cook. Another de-stressor of mine. So, the first thing we did, was drop our coats and the bag and head to the kitchen.

Now it wasn't anything fancy. Why? Because he wanted to get down to business in the bedroom. And so we basically put chicken, baby potatoes and herbs, into a dutch oven with a wine sauce. It would cook while we had our time. But how I knew, was because the fridge, freezer and cupboards were completely stocked. And I mean completely. With everything we would need to make almost whatever we wanted.

He showed me the wine cellar, along with a stocked bar. Small, but in the living room where the fireplace was. The place had it all. In his room... which, I found out it was. He unlocked one of the closets, revealing a huge array of sex toys. I just stood there ogling everything! The color coming up into my face. My hands went up to my mouth, hiding my smile as I looked at everything.

No whips or stuff like that, but he was definitely into light bondage. There were all kinds of cords and harnesses, collars and things to bind your wrists and ankles with. Tons of dildos and vibrators. All different kinds of lube and condoms.

Now, after being with him, I have found... perhaps I should say... I have _realized_ my kink. I love being bound. Tied up. Especially my throat and hands. Don't get me wrong. I don't like being choked or strangled. No, I like having a collar on. [Blushing] I know, but hey! I'm an anonymous writer, so... I can admit this shit.

I stood there, my mouth dropping more and more, until finally he grabbed a wooden box and literally pushed me out of the closet. Of course, just seeing all of this I should have fucking wondered. But right then, I didn't. I was too just overtaken by it all, to really think about it. I mean, some people are really into shit and have a lot of stuff, but come on!

This place was fuck central!

He led me over to the bed. We sat down and he unlocked this wooden box. It was about, I'd say, four or five inches deep. Maybe twelve by twenty four. There were two small containers inside, some pill bottles, a few different small pipes and some baggies.

I sat there, completely curious, as he showed me what everything was. The small containers held some hash. Two different kinds. And when I say small, they were real small. Like pill container small. Little oval shaped things with lids, like you'd see an old lady take her meds out of. There were two baggies that held pot. And two actual pill bottles that were unmarked.

He wouldn't tell me what those were. Another thing that made me wonder later, along with the rest of the shit that he had in the house.

He pointed to two small, to average sized pipes and two one hitters. "I'm going to give you something, I think it will help with your attacks."

"Have you ever smoked before?" I just shook my head, watching him.

He took a small bud from a baggie and cleaned it, packed the one hitter and showed me how to use it. He lit it for me. I inhaled, and of course, coughed my ass off. Definitely fucking light weight for sure. But I relaxed almost immediately. I did this two more times and that was all I needed. For the rest of the night I was calm. He poured us some wine and put away the box.

He got out some condoms and a bottle of lube. It definitely didn't look like what he'd gotten for me to keep at home. It was a bottle, almost like what you'd see mustard in or a condiment of some sorts. Clear plastic and had a long, pointed nozzle on top with a little cap. It was also, I would find out, a lot better than what he'd bought for me. It was a lot thinner, more fluid like. It didn't get thick and sticky, like the other stuff did after awhile. We eventually ended up changing to the kind he used at his place.

Standing up, I started to get undressed. I was in the best mood I think I had ever been in. Not really stoned, but definitely high. I was feeling really good. Couldn't quit smiling and giggling. Now, lets be realistic here. Cause we didn't just get down to it. And as shy as I was, even with being so into him, I'm so fucking glad we smoked. Because he showed me how to clean myself out and prep for sex.

We were both naked in the bathroom, and he not only showed me, but helped me. Under normal circumstances, I would have been fucking mortified. But he explained everything as we went. He also didn't end up shaving me that night, that came later.

Now I realize, that many people may do this every time before sex, but we didn't. It really depended on what he wanted to do, where we were and so on. He didn't fuck me every time. Sometimes it was just hands and oral. But there were a lot of times that things were just real spontaneous. Those times, he would get me into the shower and fuck me. Or we would shower right after. Whatever needed to be cleaned afterward, we would shower off and clean. No biggie. And not just with him, but every partner I've had. It's pretty much the same routine. 

I literally don't know how porn actors can hose their asses out on a daily basis. Of course, maybe they don't. It just seems like that would be extremely tedious. Not only that, but I'm also a massive anime freak, and yes, that includes yaoi. My partner and I love it, along with many of the M/M novels that are out now as well. But out of all that we've watched and read, I don't think there is a single one that ever shows or even mentions someone prepping for sex before a scene.

It's not romantic, and it's not hot, to see or to read about someone douching their ass. But it's a very real fact of having anal sex. Whether it's oral or anything else, you have to be, or want to be extremely clean conscious.

I know, when you're in a new relationship or having a one-nighter, you may worry over something embarrassing happening. I know I've read about some really bad experiences other men have had on public websites. But if you know your body, diet and such, once you've been with someone and you're both real comfortable with one another, it doesn't become that big of a deal. You know when it's essential and when it's not. Then you fucking shower.

But really, for us, it wasn't an every time thing. He showed me all the basics and helped me. Once I was clean and thoroughly rid of anything that may interfere, along with any fucking shyness I may have had left. Which, lets face it, once someone helps you do something like that, they've pretty much seen all there is to see and there is nothing left to be shy over.

I won't discuss this through the rest of the story, so you can pretty much just assume. Moving on.

We got into the shower and he held me, washing me and kissing me. God, just with what he was doing, I felt so safe and so secure. Everything that had happened before was gone, and I trusted him. Right at that moment, when he was doing all this, and the security I felt, I can understand the affinity... the need I have to be with an older, more mature man. I really felt like everything was going to be alright.

It didn't matter to him that he'd just helped me with the most intimate thing, anyone had ever done to me. That didn't bother him. It didn't make him grossed out or not want to be with me. You've no fucking idea what this all meant and what it would mean later on. It was going to make things all the more painful, I know that.

We dried off and he led me to the bed, handing me my glass of wine. We drank and got in, snuggling together. This first time was definitely the most gentle and slow going than any other time. I couldn't keep my hands off him. And he let me explore... and I mean everything. Except for his ass. Which for a really long time, he was funny about that. He would never tell me why. But later on, I would find that out as well.

I ran my hands all over him. Kissing down his chest, taking each nipple into my mouth, sucking and nibbling. I literally had the urge to bite! To taste every part of him! I had been denied, for what seemed like forever. When it'd only been a matter of days that we'd been together.

I nuzzled into the line of soft hair running down to his cock. I felt like I was fucking starved for him! I'd waited so fucking long, I just couldn't get enough of him.

Pulling the covers back, I got over him onto my hands and knees, in between his legs. Stroking him real lightly with one hand, just feeling him. It was so fucking incredible. My other hand held onto his balls, cradling them. I rubbed my face all over him, through the hair that surrounded him, kissing him and smelling his scent.

I felt like a goddamned animal, is what I felt like! I have to admit, it was the most primal feeling I have ever had. I ran my tongue up and down his shaft, putting his head into my mouth, feeling it, tasting it. And then... oh god! To just see him, to see his face while I was doing this. He watched me doing it all. His eyes heavy and his lips open, sucking in breaths as he rubbed my back and my shoulders, holding onto my hair. But he didn't talk. Not until he laid me down and got in between my legs.

He didn't go down on me. He didn't put his mouth on me at all. Not this time. He kissed me, holding himself over me as he started rocking his hips, rubbing our cocks together nice and slow. I know why now. He wanted me to be able to hold out. He didn't want to give me a ton of stimuli, not at first. That's why he didn't do anything oral. I still lacked a lot of stamina.

Easing down, he squatted between my legs, pouring some of the lube over his fingers, he rubbed them over my asshole, getting me nice and slippery. Holding my legs up from behind the knees, I closed my eyes, just enjoying the feeling of his hands on me. I was still decently buzzed.

I breathed in as he slid a finger inside. One hand holding my balls up, he softly stroked over my perineum with his thumb while he worked his finger in and out of me. Pushing in another finger, he could see the expression on my face change. Whispering to me, "It's okay, Ed... just breath and relax."

I kept my eyes closed, nodding. Two fingers were alright. He was going slow. The hand that had just held my balls back, slid over my cock, rubbing me gently as he sped up with his fingers. Pushing them in as far as his hand would allow, he bent his fingers slightly. Holding my legs back all the way to my chest, I sucked in a breath, pushing my head back into the pillow. I whined out! That was fucking it! Right there! Oh my fucking God!

His fingers pulled almost all the way out, then coming back in, he pumped them faster. Slowing down and pushing all the way in, bending his fingers, he massaged me. His other hand rubbing up and over my balls, all the way down my cock. Backing them out, I heard him open the wrapper of the condom. I didn't know why he was still going to use, he was clean. But I didn't question.

We didn't use them long. Just hearing that noise and knowing that I was going to have him in me, I was nervous, but still, my cock was hard. Just the anticipation of it! I stared at him, watching as he drizzled the lube over his cock. I held my ass up into the air, running my hands down over my cheeks as he lined up.

Rubbing the head of his cock over my hole, very slowly, he pushed in. Just the head... and stopped.

Squeezing my eyes shut, sucking in air, I whined out through my clenched up teeth! "Fuck!"

He leaned over me, a hand on each side of my head on the pillows. I opened my eyes, he was staring down at me, watching me. "Just breathe slow and relax, Ed. Bear down just a little... real lightly."

At first, for fucking real, nothing helped the goddamn burn. It fucking hurt! I lost my erection and lowered my legs, placing my feet on the bed. Holy fuck! I'd really thought that his two fingers would've prepared me a little more, and they probably did. But God! Lowering his mouth to mine, he kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him, raising my legs a little and bearing down just a little more as he eased in farther, stopping and waiting.

How I felt. I wanted to whimper. Cry out a little even. But I fought it. I wanted to get this over with! And that revelation was upsetting to me a little too, cause I had been so looking forward to it. I still wanted him. I just wanted it to feel better. I know that sounds bad, but come on!

He pushed in all the way, grabbing my legs and wrapping them around him. I couldn't talk, I just wrapped myself around him, holding onto him tight. He whispered against my mouth, "It's going to be alright, Ed, just try and relax. Relax and breathe."

I tried to remember how to breathe, and that was a lot of it. It really was. Cause when I breathed nice and slow, focusing on that instead of locking my body up, it relaxed me and took my mind off the pain. When I held my breath, I tensed up, making it worse. Then all I could think about was the pain.

Now honestly, he had fucking stamina galore. Because this actually took a really long time. There was nothing quick about it. Which at first, it kind of sucked.

He was rocking his hips real slow, moving in and out. Shallow thrusts. Pulling back away from me, he sat back some. Just enough to grab hold of my cock. Softly stroking me, he worked me. Just the sensation from that, coupled with not focusing on the discomfort, I was starting to feel pretty good. I wanted to move my body more, but every time I did it put more strain on me down there, stretching me more. Giving me a bit of a sharp stab.

I put my arms up over the pillows behind me, closed my eyes and concentrated on his hands on me and what they were doing. He evidently realized that I was loosening up and feeling good, because he let go of my cock and leaned down over me again, rocking faster.

This is actually how I found one of my favorite positions. The only thing better than this for me, is on my stomach or side, with my legs closed. I don't know why, maybe just how everything is lined up and how he was hitting me inside. The sensation of him rubbing so deep inside of me. The friction where we were connected. His heavy sac slapping me with each thrust. It was driving me fucking wild!

I put my legs down. Not totally straight out, but slightly bent. Not tightening my ass up, but just laying there. Just enough room for him to be in between them, pulling out almost all the way, then pushing back in. Faster and faster, now rocking my body with each thrust.

Reaching down between us, I grabbed my cock and started pumping. The need to buck my hips, is what fucking did it. My eyes were shut so fucking tight. My mouth opened in a silent cry. Every time I raised my hips he was lined right up so that he hit that glorious spot just right.

For a moment, he let me go just completely wild! Rocking hard against me, and I was pulling so fucking hard! Bucking my hips and crying out!

The sensation inside of me was so insane, the most overwhelming pleasure. It's so hard to describe it. Way more intense!

I have to say that the sensation from being entered, and how it makes me feel. The climax from that is about tenfold what it is from just oral or any other kind of stimulation. It's by far the best thing I've ever felt in my life.

I wanted to see him! I did! But I couldn't open my eyes. I came, shooting up all over my chest and stomach. As soon as I came, he pulled out. Cracking my eyes, I watched enough to see him lock up, pulling the condom off and tossing it aside, he stroked his cock. His face was so beautiful, brows gathered up and mouth open. His body covered in sweat.

Warm seed coated my chest, mingling with my own. Collapsing beside me, he pulled me into him and wrapped his leg around me, laying his forehead on mine. Both of us trying to just catch our breath, and everything I had felt and had been feeling... everything that had just happened, culminated into this enormous emotional overload. I was overwhelmed. Nothing to this day, has ever compared to this first time.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I buried my face into his neck and I cried. I remember my body jerking against his as he held me, kissing me... whispering to me, "I love you, Edmond."

Just hearing him say that, compounded everything that I was already feeling. Because I had been waiting to hear it. I _needed_ to hear it! I needed his love so, so bad.

My hoarse voice sobbed out, "I love you!" Clutching onto him just that much harder.

To me, bottoming is the most beautiful fucking thing. I always get so emotional after. Not as much as my first time, but I still need to be held. I just fucking need it! I'm so glad the one I'm with is real affectionate. Not only does he understand my need, but he enjoys holding me and cuddling after.

Giving myself to him, and when I was with Luc, it was the same. Giving myself to another man, just... its like this pure personal, emotional, physical surrender. I can't describe it any other way. I'm giving myself completely to the one I'm with.

**

We held each other and after awhile, took another shower and ate. Bringing our plates into the bedroom, eating in bed. Drinking wine and relaxing. I remember dozing off in his arms, but woke when he got out of bed. I lay there with my eyes closed as I heard him put on his jeans and pick up his phone from the dresser.

As soon as I heard him walk out into the hallway, I opened my eyes and lay there listening to him as he talked to someone. I didn't know who it was right then. But I do now. It was the friend no more.

He didn't close the door, he just stood in the hallway and talked real quietly.

"Yeah, the goddamned bastard gave him his business card. Wrote his cell number on it. Told him to make sure I didn't see it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics ~ Without A Trace  
> by: Kill The Noise feat. Stalking Gia
> 
> 10/19/18 - The next chapter should be done and ready to post by this coming weekend, or the following week. Again, sorry for the delay, but I'm dealing with a death.


	20. Wrapping My Head Around It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She didn't want him for sex. She didn't want what any other person out there wanting a relationship wants. She didn't want me to be alone, and she didn't want her normal routine to be disrupted. As much as possible, anyway.
> 
> When I finally came to this revelation, which was way later, honestly. I was crushed inside. Even with everything that I was doing... that I had done, I was crushed. I still am. Because it made me feel that I was so much more alone than I had originally thought. And it was real. I was, and I couldn't fucking believe it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot of reflection, amping up for what's coming on the next... preparing you, I guess.

**

After he'd gotten off the phone and settled back into bed with me, I thought about it. All of it.

I lay there with his arms wrapped around me, feeling the warmth of his breath on the back of my neck. My eyes stared off into the darkness until his body was completely relaxed and his breathing slowed. The softest of snores just slightly rumbled out past his lips.

Just a little while before, I would've thought it all endearing. I would've laid there and gushed over it, looking at him and petting him like he was the most precious thing on the planet. Until I started thinking.

 _Before,_ I was too overtaken by all that had happened that day, leading up to our lovemaking. The Doctor visit, our fight... my attack. Then, coming here.

Now, my high was gone. Not just from the pot, but from the experience as well. And my brain was literally shoving the obvious, that I'd missed, right out in front of my eyes for me to look at in graphic detail.

It was a plot. There was _no way_ that it couldn't be.

For the first time since I'd found out about this place of his, I realized that what he'd told my mom from the very beginning, was all based on lies.

From what I'd heard her tell my Aunt Liane, she honestly believed that he'd had no place to go, when the whole time he'd had this place! He could've just stayed here!

I laid there with his heavy arms around me, his soft, bare cock pressed in-between my ass cheeks, and I fought not to become as stiff as a board in my fear. _Why would he lie? What was the point?_

After him filling me in, he wasn't even fucking Bi! There was no Bi about it! He was _gay!_ Why in the hell would he start any kind of romantic relationship with a woman at all? Especially to go to the lengths he had to make her believe that he had no where to go, so that he would have to move in? Sleep in the same bed as her every fucking night, when he had no interest at all?

How could he keep it up? And when would it become too much? When would he no longer be able to put up an act? And what was going to happen when it all came crashing down? Because honestly, I couldn't see him doing this until I was of age.

All the possibilities flew through my mind, and no matter how I tried to piece it together, none of it made sense. If it was over me, why wouldn't he have just befriended her? Tried to work his way in that way. Probably because he wouldn't have had the access to me that he does now. But to get _married?_

That's where it all ended for me. Right there. Unless... unless he just wanted her for the money _and_ me. But... but, the only way for him to have the money, would be if she died, _if_ she left it to him. Which I could see her fucking doing! Holy shit! She was evidently stupid enough, or desperate enough, to buy anything that came out of his hot lips.

But, if he stayed with me... if he left with me, I would have my money at the age of eighteen. That meant that _he_ would have it as well. And he controlled me.

Right now, he was kind of kept in check by the fact that he was with _her._ He had to put up the act. But if we were alone. Really alone. He would be able to do anything that he wanted to me, and he'd have _my_ money.

Four years. I wouldn't have my money for four years. There was no way that he'd be able to hold out till then.

My mind ran over it, and over it until I finally passed out from exhaustion. I don't remember my dreams, nor do I wish that I could. I _do,_ however, remember that I had dreamt, and that it hadn't been anything good.

The act I put up the next morning _way_ out did the one I had when I was hung over, and already, I wanted to get high again. See... that escape. There it is. I needed to stop worrying whether _he_ would make it till I was of age. I wouldn't make it. Already, I wanted it to be over.

I acted like the good little boi that I was. I acted enthralled with him. A little clingy. Enough to show him that I wanted him. That he had control, but not enough to be a pain in the ass. And he bought it. This was when my self-defense system really started to get engaged. 

We had breakfast there and then drove home. He'd packed up a little bag for us to take home, too. A bottle of the good lube, a box of ribbed condoms, and a small container full of smoke for my one hitter. And the whole time, I kept an eye on his phone.

I absolutely _had_ to find Reynaud's number. I _had_ to get hold of him and find out what was going on. Deep inside, my heart was waging war with my brain. Part of me, _needed_ the affection. The thrill. The lust. The love. That part, was terrified of losing him and what I'd gained, with our so-called, relationship.

But, my brain, had a difference of opinion. Deep down, I was also afraid of him. And the more I thought about what was driving him, and the lengths that he was willing to go to, to get whatever it was that he was that he _really_ wanted, the more afraid of him I became.

I didn't trust him at all. Not anymore. What little bit of my trust that I'd convinced myself that he was worthy of, took a powder last night while he was talking to his buddy on the phone. His accomplice.

I was kind of in total confusion over who this accomplice was. All I could do was guess. Was it the person whom he owned his fuck pad with? Some faceless, unknown individual? This, _friend no more?_ Or was it Reynaud?

For the next several weeks, that was all I thought about. My mother came back to the house happier than ever, seemingly more grounded than she had been before. Who could only tell all the things that her and my Aunt had discussed, especially at the cemetery, where they seemed to go often. Almost on every visit that my mother took to her house, in fact. But whatever it was, it had made an evident peace between them.

I know that later, when my Aunt _did_ finally decide to come back for a visit, she was not as domineering as she had been. But I could tell that she was struggling to reign it in. It was taking all she had to be cordial, and it was tense. It was uncomfortable. Until she started noticing enough that she got tired of putting on the act and her mouth finally broke free from it's binds.

There would be more discord. And my mother, finally finding her backbone, wasn't going to really work in my favor. Not for long.

But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves here. That's coming.

Back to Reynaud. My problem with _him_ being the, _friend no more_ , was everything. I really didn't know how to feel. _He_ was the only one that seemed willing to give me the truth. At least I _thought_ he was, as I believe that he would've told me a lot more at the Bistro, had my mother not come out when she did.

My mind kept circling back to my conversation with Luc in his car, when we were _supposed_ to be getting bedding and the like. How he had acted about him. Or should I say, _reacted._ The fact that he was afraid of me being near him. Speaking to him. And the threats that he'd made to keep me away from him.

If he was in league with someone, why on earth would he act that way about them? And it wasn't an act. I could tell. He was shaken up that I had even _seen_ him, let alone spoke with him. It wasn't just jealousy, either. Like he had tried to play it off as.

He was afraid. But why?

Reynaud had spoken like they were friends, or at least, associates of some sort. Like they were in on it all together? Or was it some sort of sick contest? I will never, as long as I live, forget his words. _"I was actually the one that spotted you first, you know. Right here, at this very Bistro."_ And then, what came out just before my mother stepped outside. _"You really don't know... do you?"_

How it didn't seem like a question. How his face looked... his steel grey eyes, as he watched me try to process what he had just said. He knew it all. And I don't think he'd give a real shit if I fucking knew it, either. Just thinking of speaking with him, scared me. The thought of being alone with him, terrified me. But I had to know.

I had to know what it was they had between them. Because Reynaud _did not_ look to be Luc's type at all. Especially with how Luc had reacted when it came to him. Like he was some kind of fucking villain or something. And if that's how he really felt... after what _he_ was doing, then Reynaud was... well, I can't even describe. My mind, at the time, couldn't encompass that. Now, I can. And if I believed in the Devil, he would be it. Him. In-fucking-carnate.

I _did_ know one thing, though. Luc _had_ slept with him. The words would never come from his lips, but his reaction when I asked him, was all the answer I needed.

**

Days went by. Weeks. Me, acting, and trying to keep an eye on his phone. Waiting to see if he would ever leave it alone, and unlocked. He had a pass _word_ not a pass _code_ , like I did. So, I could guess all day, and never know what in the hell it was. I didn't dare touch it. I knew that putting in the wrong code would give a message on the screen stating exactly that. That the wrong code had been entered, and then he would know and all hell would break loose.

I had to wait for just the right moment. It was coming.

My mother was seeing my Aunt regularly, and even though my Mom seemed happy, I began to believe that all she was doing was playing peacekeeper. She wanted my Aunt to be happy, but she also wanted a stress free environment at home. I wondered how long that was going to last.

I also started to notice that her and Luc were spending less and less time together. They didn't go out. At all. Which kind of baffled me. Because when she was supposedly seeing him, without my knowledge of course, she was gone all the time. Now, they just did nothing. And she seemed satisfied with that. Which I just couldn't wrap my head around.

I mean, all we did, when she was home anyway was hang out. Of course, when she was home, Luc would busy himself on his laptop at his desk, acting like he was real into whatever he was doing. And her, she would act like she didn't want to bother him. They were cordial, and the affection that they _would_ show to each other, was very minimal. But, it was friendly. Like good friends.

Now, like I've said, I wasn't an expert on relationships by any stretch of the word. But, if it was me, I would've been asking him why he wasn't trying to get his work done while she was gone? But she didn't. Ever. 

Of course, if it were me, I wouldn't have been gone all the damn time if I had someone at home. This was nuts! I was torn between trying to figure _them_ out, my mother out, and trying to figure my own shit out! When she was gone with Liane, she would be gone overnight. This happened at least twice a week. Now tell me... if you had a guy at home, would you be gone, hanging out with someone else a couple of nights a week? Or would you be home? 

It's one thing to hang with family, even co-workers. I mean, usually, you _and_ your mate will spend time with family and friends, _together_. Right? I mean, that's what my partner and I do. We do things together. We have the same circle of friends. I mean, they were his friends first. Now they're mine as well. With me being from so far away, it's not like I had a whole lot of time to gain real close friends of my own before we started dating, and I was kind of brought into the fold when we got together. 

His family isn't super tight, but even though there are times he will get together with someone alone, we do things together too. That's just kind of normal, I think. Now, here's the difference for a lot of people. My partner, when he has work gatherings, pretty much always brings me, unless it's something he just wants to get through quickly and get home. Neither of us are really into the bar, or club scene. And if we did go, it would be together. Neither of us feels the need to go out without the other, and we both truly believe that those that do, are kind of asking for trouble. This is actually speaking from experience. Things we've seen some of our own friends go through.

If things are good, why do you want to go out to a club without your mate? And if things _are_ good, they probably soon won't be. Not having a partner with you at a club kind of hangs the sign that you're available. And I guess, I feel like this. And I don't mean to sound preachy. But, if I, or he, needs a _night_ away from each other, then maybe we shouldn't be together. After all, we get enough time apart throughout the week. If I'm _still_ feeling like I need time away from him, that's not so good. 

I know, I know, there are those that will argue that their situation is different and all is well. Perhaps it is. To each their own. I just know that too many people fuck around. Even those that thought they would never do it. Why tempt fate? Divorce rates don't lie.

My point is this. After he moved in, they rarely went out, and when they did, he sort of acted like he was put out about it. She didn't seem to get it at first. Later, I think she did. So she stopped asking him all together. And weirdly enough, she seemed okay with that, too. 

Not once, through this whole thing, did she ever act like she wanted it to be just her and I again. Never once, did she appear stressed that he was there, or that she wanted him to leave. She never had that pinched, pained expression on her face, like she did when my Dad was still alive.

Another thing. She and I, _never_ had time together alone anymore. Luc made sure of it. And she never acted real put out about it, either. It seemed to me, that she would kind of demand it a little. Especially with the close relationship we'd had. I expected her to ask me how I was doing. How I was dealing with all the changes. But she didn't.

I really wished she had put up a fight at times, because I wanted to question her. But I guess, now, knowing what I do, it's a good thing that we didn't have time alone. Because if I'd questioned her, she would have said something to him and he would've been on to me. 

See, he didn't want her and I to be alone, because he was afraid that I _would_ question her. He was afraid that I would have enough of the situation and tell her something he didn't want her to know. He was my watch dog.

It went from her and I, against the world, to her and _him._ I know that sounds weird, being that they didn't act all that close. But I was starting to understand why she'd gotten into this relationship with him. Pure convenience. She wanted someone to be at home with me. Someone that could be a replacement for the father I'd never had. 

She didn't want him for sex. She didn't want what any other person out there wanting a relationship wants. She didn't want me to be alone, and she didn't want her normal routine to be disrupted. As much as possible, anyway.

When I finally came to this revelation, which was way later, honestly. I was crushed inside. Even with everything that I was doing... that I had done, I was crushed. I still am. Because it made me feel that I was so much more alone than I had originally thought. And it was real. I was, and I couldn't fucking believe it!

Like, _here!_ _Here_ is this person that is willing to be at home with you and take over, because that's what I think you need! Because I want to fucking be gone, and be out all the goddamn time, because I don't feel like being at home with you any fucking longer!!

 _Phew!!_ Take a deep breath... it'll be alright. I'll be alright. But, that's what it was. Until she found out that I was gay. But that's later. I'll save that for later.

Luc was gone at least two to three days per week at his office. Where ever the fuck that was, because I, at the time, I had absolutely no knowledge of anything that he really did. I mean, I saw him at his desk. I saw him put on a suit and leave throughout the week. But, honestly, I was like a fucking mushroom. Kept in the dark, and fed lots of bullshit. Have I used that one before? But, it's true.

And you'd think that she would take advantage of those times to connect with me, but it never happened. Not until later. Then, she became even more of this unknown individual to me. But again... later.

Things just kind of fell into place, where they were usually together with me for breakfast, unless she'd been gone overnight. Then it was just me and him. She really acted like she didn't even miss me, and after I got over where I was currently, just trying to field everything... all of my emotions and stress. Trying to find out what the fuck this plot was. When I really needed her, she was against me. The only person I would have then, was my overbearing, domineering Aunt. And this guy. This man who was feeding on my insides... my heart, like some kind of goddamn predator.

Wow... even after all the years of counselling, I guess I never realized, that I had realized what he really was so early on. A predator. I just didn't picture him as this slimy fucking creeper, waiting for little kiddies by the playground. To me, he was this monster. A real monster, whose twisted visage, his claws and fangs, were hidden underneath this beautiful mask. A costume. 

A monster, that I so regrettably, really loved. Right up until I put the blade to my wrists. I loved him. And I hated myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry so short. Next one coming, hopefully by next weekend. If it's delayed, it's because I'm dealing with a death and some (unfortunately) not so good, family shit. Don't mean to sound like a cold asshole, but it is, what it is.
> 
> Also, when Edmond speaks of _being of age_ here, he's referring to being old enough to receive his inheritance and leave to live on his own. Not that age that he and Luc can legally have consensual sex without Luc being arrested. Which I think is still 15, unless it's changed. But I think under the circumstances, a court could still incarcerate if Mom decided to raise enough hell, simply because of the underhandedness of the situation.
> 
> On another note, which I forgot to add and will be mentioning on the next chapter. There's more going on with Ed's mother than has been mentioned, I just can't spoil it yet.
> 
> Anyway... chapter 21, Hurt Man, coming up.


	21. Hurt Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"That!... "_ He looked at me, then back to Luc! Shaking his finger at me like I was an oddity. His face scrunched up, his voice raising higher. _"This... this is who you left me for?!"_
> 
> Luc actually stepped back a little and raised his hands, shaking his head slowly. "Noe... it's not like that! Listen!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up putting an additional note at the end of the last chapter kind of late. There is more going on with Ed's mom than has been mentioned. It's not as cut and dried as it may seem.

There are a handful of mornings that will always stay with me throughout my life, and this was one of them. 

The mattress sinking down around me was what finally woke me, and just over the scent of hollandaise, was his cologne. His rough beard scratched my chin as he drug his mouth up to mine, climbing over me to settle on my chest. His arms wrapped around me, kind of tucking me in... just like he said he would not so long ago.

Morning breath, or no, he didn't care. He would come into my room and ravage my mouth, all the way down to my asshole. It didn't matter that I'd been in bed all night and hadn't bathed since the day before, he would eat me whole. My morning wood lay trapped between us. The urge to pee, swiftly leaving the forefront of my mind.

His tongue found mine as he moved enough to pull the covers down from me toward the foot of the bed, and as soon as I really felt him, I realized he was naked. I cracked my eyes open enough to glance toward my bedroom door. It stood all the way open. My mind, just like it always did, flew from what he was doing with his hands and mouth, to whether or not she would forget something and come back home, finding us in my bed.

Of course, this never happened. After just a few weeks of him being in our home, he knew her like the back of his hand. Once she hit the door, she was gone. There was no coming back until the next day... sometimes two now. We may as well have been living alone. Just the two of us.

"Hey!" His hand grabbed my jaw roughly, getting my attention! Lowering his hand down between us, he wrapped it around our cocks, beginning a light, soft stroke. Whispering against my lips, "She's not coming back... quit your worrying."

I nodded against him, catching his full lower lip between mine. I mumbled out. "Sorry... "

He wouldn't really talk while we had sex. He was never one to do so. And it pissed him off if I got distracted, which I could understand, too. But that didn't stop me from worrying.

He opened his hand, letting us go and moved down me, kissing me as he went. He was purposely growing out his beard a little and the scratch and tickle it caused me was maddening. As much as I could, I fought to keep from squirming until I could no longer stand it and started giggling. He didn't mind. It was all part of him having control over me, whether it be me laughing, moaning, screaming or crying. This morning, it was giggling.

The giggles didn't keep me from getting into it, though. My cock completely stood up, grazing along his stomach and chest as he slid down me. Grabbing both my legs, he hoisted them up until I took hold of them and held them to my chest.

He sat back on his feet, looking at my exposed ass. Raising his hands, he stroked me, fondling my sac as it hung down, almost as if to cover up the thing he really wanted. My hole. Lowering his face down to me, he nuzzled my balls with his nose, licking and nipping at them.

Bringing his nose right down to my asshole, he literally sniffed me, inhaling deeply, then kissing my pucker. I couldn't help it, the breeze from his breath tickled against my sensitive skin and my hole quivered as if it had a mind of it's own.

He told me once, that he loved my smell. Especially when I hadn't bathed all day... or all night. He loved my flavor. He said that in the morning, after I'd slept, that I had a musky, almost tangy smell and taste, that just drove him nuts. He loved to stick his nose in my pits. 

But, I guess I'm the same, with the whole sweat and smell thing, cause I'm like that with my mate. The sweatier the better. You may think it's gross, but to me it's really fucking primal. Carnal. And I loved it when he ate me. 

I was, however, constantly freaked out over the rash I tended to have from his whiskers. Which was everywhere, pretty much all the fucking time. I worried over my neck, and anywhere else that she could see, cause he had become so nonchalant about it. But in the end, my worrying was kind of laughable. Like she would notice when she was never home.

I cried out as he bit down onto my tender skin, kneading it between his teeth. His fingers clutched my ass cheeks, pulling them further apart, opening my hole just a tiny bit and he stuck his tongue in. I yearned to rock my ass back and forth as he fucked me with his tongue, readying me.

Now, even with the bit of burn that I got once he was in past the opening with his head, I was getting to be pretty okay. We'd been fucking every few days since that first night to keep me limber. I was getting used to it now.

Letting loose of my ass, he reached down and grabbed the bottle of lube from where he'd evidently sat it on the floor and poured some over his finger and a little over my hole. He rubbed it around, sticking the tip of his finger inside me. Not all the way, just the tip. Then added another.

I whined out, losing the battle to hold still, I rocked back and forth. A string of semen hung from my slit, landing on my chest. There was no time for me to prepare or even think about relaxing my ass any further, it was going to be quick. He raised up and lined up his bare cock with my hole and pushed in, making me yell out! "Ah! Fuck, Luc!"

He grinned as he slowly pushed inside me all the way, laying his chest down over the backs of my legs, he ground down into me, smashing his sac between us. He knew it hurt, and he didn't care. Using his full body weight on me, he rocked back and forth, grinding against me.

I was nice and smooth now. Another thing that was new, besides the barebacking, which I loved. He'd shaved me. All over. Completely around my cock and balls and around my ass. Baby smooth. And he loved it. His little play toy.

He backed off, pulling out all the way, then pushed back in, earning another squeal from me over the roughness of the breach. His face, chest and ears were flushed crimson red, and if his were, I knew mine were worse.

He backed away, pulling out again. "Turn over. I want your ass in the air."

 _So bossy!_ I turned, tossing the pillow to the floor and sprawled my front out on the sheet, staying on my knees so my ass would be as high as possible. Mornings could get a little dirty and he didn't want to mess with washing the sheets every day, so having me on my hands and knees was the best way possible to keep things clean.

Taking the bottle, he stuck two fingers into me and pulled apart, opening me just enough to drizzle some inside my hole. Setting it onto the nightstand, he lined up and pushed his head inside.

I swear he loved doing that. He'd pull out all the fucking way, over and over, just so he could breach me again and again, watching my face the entire time, hearing me cry out. The head of his cock was fat. The swell and ridge reminding me of a mushroom, and when he pushed me apart, it fucking hurt.

And he liked it. He liked to see the expressions on my face and hear me. He liked it, and so did I, really. It was hot. The second time we had sex, it was at home, not his place. He had me ride him, probably not a grand idea, since it was only my second time and when you're in that position the muscles in your ass are clenched up in such a fashion that it's hard to really relax.

After me whining about it, he finally sat down on the edge of my bed and closed the bathroom door so the full length mirror was facing him. He had me sit down on him with my back to his chest, so I was facing into the mirror, my legs slung over his so that my toes barely touched the floor. Even as painful as it was at first, it was hot as hell to see his cock moving in and out of me.

He'd wrapped his arms around my midsection, holding onto me tightly as he drove into me harder and harder! Afterwards, he'd had me lay down on my side, in a fetal position, holding my cheeks apart and took a pic of my reddened, gaping hole.

He showed me the pic, right before he sent it to someone. I remember gasping, reaching for his phone, only for him to grin that devilish way he did and pull it out of my reach.

_'Don't worry about it, Ed. They can't see your face. It's not like they know who you are.'_

I just couldn't believe it! I'd stuttered and stammered, trying to get angry, but easily more embarrassed and hurt, than anything. _'But... who was it?! Why would you send that?!'_

It hadn't mattered that I didn't like it. _'Because you have a fine little ass, and I want him to fucking see it! That's why!'_

He was't really mad, but very adamant, only telling me it was someone that he worked with. Basically flaunting my ass in this guy's face, and the fact that he'd just fucked me. Luc loved to take pics. The dirtier the better. 

He'd take them while he was inside of me. Not at a distance so that my head or face could be seen, but definitely the rest of me and a good portion of him too. Many of them were cum shots, especially now that we were going bare. Like he was really boasting hard to whoever he was sending these to.

That bothered me horribly, these pictures being sent to someone and the fact that I had no say in it. That he had no respect for my feelings whatsoever. It bothered me that someone knew what I looked like, in the most compromising of positions, and if this person saw us out and about, he would know it was me. It could be anyone, and who's to say that this individual wasn't spreading these photos around.

You have no idea how many times I've panicked over the possibility of seeing one of my own shots on the fucking net. Even to this day, it unnerves me. And for quite some time, I literally looked on various sites trying to find some, in the hopes of getting some fucking justice served. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened. And in some ways, I'm relieved, I guess.

He'd always show me what these looked like, though. I got to see each and every one, right before he'd pull his phone away and hit send. So I know exactly what they look like, and I'd know his body and mine at a glance for sure. I know his body by heart. And probably by now, a bunch of other people do too... along with mine.

While he rammed into me, this was all in the back of my mind. Was I enjoying it? The sex? Yes, I was. No matter how much I worried, my cock was rock hard. He was in a push-up stance over me, his hips slamming down onto me over, and over. Just pulling back enough to almost come out, before thrusting back in.

If he thought he could squeeze his nuts in there too, I'm sure he would do it. And as much as it might hurt me, I'm sure I would cry out for more right before I painted myself white. 

It was him cumming that made me get off. He stilled, his body locked into position, his dick down in me to the fucking root as he pulsed, filling me. My cock was literally aimed at my face, and I caught an eyeful as I shot all over into my face and hair, up over my head.

There would be no pics today, though. It was morning sex, and we both needed a shower. Shower and a pre-made breakfast, then we'd see how the bed had fared.

Anyway, that's how this morning started out. Not that I was complaining or anything. My dear Mother had made breakfast and had gone. The house was ours, and he loved morning sex, as did I. It was a great start to what was going to become a very shitty day.

**

He worked on his laptop, while I did various chores and some of my home-school, which I was, at this point hopelessly behind in. I was of a mind to just quit, but even though _he_ was the main reason for my crappy scores, he would get pissed if I didn't at least try. Like I could really concentrate on history, or English language, when my fucking life was falling apart.

Kind of reminded me of my father, again, in this aspect. He would terrorize me, making me go through living hell, then act like even more of a goddamn tyrant because my grades were poor, threatening to put me in public schools if I didn't shape up! I swear that if I had been forced into public school, especially in America, trying to learn another language, on top of looking different, I would've found a way to end it all way back then.

We worked like this for three or four hours, at least till around twelve thirty or so, before we got around to leave, him telling me that we were going to the Bistro for lunch. I shot him a look, that by now, I should have known better than to do. And like he could read my mind, he sighed. "Your Mother went to Liane's, and if she is still around and sees us, oh well. I'm not worried about it, Edmond! And I'm not going to be!"

He put on his jacket, holding the door for me. "It's not like we're kissing out in public or anything, is it?" 

I shook my head and he gave me a pat. Like, good boi. He _did,_ however, hold my hand while we walked out to his car, smiling at me in this condescending manner. There was more to my worrying, and it really had nothing to do with seeing my Mother and my Aunt. It had to do with possibly seeing Reynaud, or whoever he was sending all of our graphic pics to, that worried me. But I couldn't tell him that. 

If the name, _Reynaud,_ even crossed my lips, he was pissed. If I griped about the pics anymore, he was pissed. Get the idea? I had to pretend that I was alright with it all, or he was pissed.

We pulled over and parked. It was decently warm that time of day still, so we chose a seat out in the sun, rather than the crowded spaces under the large overhang that surrounded the Bistro. Another few weeks and we'd be trapped inside eating, so going at all would either be done earlier or later, when it wasn't so crowded.

We chose to split a Croque Monsieur sandwich with a side of bean stew apiece, and he went in to order while I saved our table. I sat there, almost paranoid, as I waited for him. It was too much like that day when my Mother and I had gone, and I couldn't help but look around nervously, waiting for someone to approach me while he was absent. 

Lucky for me, it didn't happen till he was back and had sat down. And it wasn't someone for me. They were there for him.

Now, if I felt some measure of self-loathing before, it was nothing compared to how I felt after seeing this man. Well... after this entire afternoon, I should say. 

Luc came out and sat down. "They're pretty busy, so it might be a bit of a wait. I think next time we might come earlier." He'd brought his laptop, opened it, along with his phone and began to work while we waited, not noticing where I was looking at all.

I'd just nodded and smiled, but it was then that I noticed him. Luc's back was to him, so he wasn't aware that we were being watched.

He had real dark, brown hair from what I could see, and it seemed to be cut in a similar fashion to Luc's. He looked like he hadn't shaved in days. Not the way Luc looked when he was growing it out the way he was now, trimmed and well groomed. 

When I noticed him, he was in one of the farthest seats from us, right out at the edge next to the walking area. He had a newspaper, or something with him, but as soon as he'd noticed us, he had folded it and laid it down, moving to a closer seat. 

His hands were grasped together, folded, and he kept moving them from his under his chin, to his lips, where they would cover his mouth. He wore an extremely faded pair of loose, denim chinos, that were holey in all the right places for it to be style and not from wear and tear. Slip on shoes, and a deep green sweater, over what appeared to be a white t-shirt of sorts.

I watched him, watch us, as the waiter brought a small kettle of tea and our cups, before leaving again. Luc, was busy. He still didn't notice, and I couldn't even pour the tea. I couldn't move. The man and I, we stared each other down, and now that he was closer, I could see that his eyes were red-rimmed. He looked weary and haggard. His eyes shifted constantly from me to Luc, the entire time, the look on his face getting more and more severe. 

It wasn't an angry look, it was sadness. Anguish and despair, it emanated off from him, and then he started to cry. Not sobbing, mind you, but weeping. His expression became more drawn up, his lips pulling into a quivering grimace, as tears made their way down his cheeks. I could see the sunlight catching them.

Suddenly, he shook his head, taking the backs of his hands, he wiped them roughly over his face, mopping it up and stood. I gasped as his chair skidded back, falling over, and everyone around us stopped eating, stopped talking, and looked at him. At us.

By the time Luc figured out what was going on, this man was at our table. I pushed my chair back a little, but remained in it. I didn't know what his intentions were, and if I had to run, I didn't want to get caught up in the damn chair. But he wasn't there for me. He was there for Luc, and Luc knew it.

I took in Luc's expression. As soon as he saw this man, his mouth dropped, and his eyes widened. He grabbed his laptop, closing it, and looked at me... looked around. His reaction, was more like, wondering what everyone else was going to think, or what I would know, instead of the fact that this man looked like he'd been through hell and just needed someone to care. Then, he looked back at the man, with a look like he was insane for approaching us. 

"Noe... "

I gawked between them. The name that Luc had uttered getting ingrained into my mind, burning into me like a permanent mark. See, the gears were turning... I just hadn't caught on yet.

Now, I have to be honest here, I felt nothing but complete sympathy and pity for this guy. I don't think I'd ever seen anyone look as downcast and sorrowful as he did. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak to Luc, he lost the battle and started crying again. Tears ran down his face, making trails through his beard. His brows gathered and his lips trembled, his voice came out hoarse and shaken. 

He cleared his throat. "Luc... I need to talk... we need to talk!"

I could tell that Luc was in a panic. His eyes were huge. He looked at me, slid out his chair and stood up, and without another word, he put his hand up to the man's back and guided him along out of the seating area, and across the street.

I watched them as Luc steered him towards an alleyway that separated the druggist from the bakery. And it was _then_ that I snapped out of it. He was out of sight. I looked down and his phone was still unlocked. He'd forgotten about it. 

With shaking, guilty hands, I ran my fingers over the screens till I found his contacts, and low and behold, his number was there. Starred... marked fucking important!

I memorized it, grabbed my phone and put it in under one of my friend's names as a second number, went back to his main screen and locked it. I swear to all that is divine, that my hands... no, my whole fucking body, was shaking like a junkie's that needed a fix. Not only were my palms sweaty, but my whole body had broken out into a raging sweat. 

To hell with lunch, which still hadn't been brought to us yet, they were still in the alley, and I wanted some goddamn info! Completely oblivious to those around me, I grabbed up his laptop and his phone and walked across the street to the entrance. When I got close, I slowed, and crept up to the brick wall, trying to get my breathing under control before I peeked around the corner.

What I saw will stay with me forever. I forgot that I was trying to hide. The display before me, literally pulled me around the corner, where I stood, gaping at them in utter disbelief.

This man stood there with his hands fisted up in Luc's jacket, his head was hung and was pushed into Luc's chest, and he was sobbing. I couldn't even understand the words that were pouring from his mouth, all strangled and muffled.

Luc's hands were on his back, rubbing and patting gently, as if trying to console him. But the look on his face, said that he felt anything but consoling. He stared at the brick wall across from him. His face was stern, almost angry, like he was fighting to even be cordial. He was putting up with it. He didn't care.

Then the man's head turned, and he saw me! Immediately, he let loose of his hold on Luc and shoved him back a little. He straightened up, turned, and stared at me head on. It seemed like time had literally slowed as we looked at each other. But it didn't. It was only perhaps a minute or two, and Luc didn't move, he just looked between us. The look on his face, of course, was a complete mix of _Oh shit!_ and _How am I going to explain this?_

The man turned back to Luc, his hand raised in my direction, pointing me down as he stared at Luc with this incredulous look on his face. These horrible, agony filled, words poured from his tremulous mouth. Words that made me feel like something that someone would scrape from the heel of their fucking shoe!

 _"That!... "_ He looked at me, then back to Luc! Shaking his finger at me like I was an oddity. His face scrunched up, his voice raising higher. _"This... this is who you left me for?!"_

Luc actually stepped back a little and raised his hands, shaking his head slowly. "Noe... it's not like that! Listen!"

But there was no listening, and Luc didn't even try. Noe's torn voice spiraled higher. _"You... you left me... for him!?"_

I took a step back. My free hand was grabbing hold of my sweater, clutching it like a person having chest pains. My mouth hung open, and the tears came, flowing down my face in rivers. With every word he said, I died a little more. I wanted to die.

 _"He's just a fucking kid, Luc! What the fuck?!"_ Noe looked at me, shaking his head, then back to Luc. His whole body, wracked from his sobs as he stepped closer to Luc, and Luc just backed away, looking down at him. 

The last thing I really remember seeing, was the thing that just twisted my guts and ripped out my heart. Was Noe, going down onto his knees, his head went back, with his eyes squeezed shut, and he cried out! _"Please... don't leave me, Luc! Please! I love you... please... don't do this!"_

I was in shock. I stood there weeping, and I could hear myself crying... my voice. But, it didn't register. Luc backed away from him further, talking low, his hands still raised. "Noe... I'm sorry, but, it's over. It doesn't matter who I'm with, this has to stop. I mean it. It's done." 

With that, he turned and walked toward me. Noe's hands had gone up to his face, covering it. He remained down on his knees, on the cold pavement, sobbing. 

Luc, grabbing my arm, took his laptop and his phone, and turned me away from the sight. I didn't hear what he was saying. I heard nothing, but the man that was left crying, and alone, in that alley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already started on the next, should be out soon, but also working on my other fics too.
> 
> Chapter 22, The Second Stranger, coming up.


End file.
